How to Set Boundaries During the Holidays

Key takeaways:

Healthy boundaries tell others which behaviors you’re OK and not OK with. Boundaries can help set you up for a less stressful holiday season.
Boundaries can protect your mental health by reducing chaos in your life. For example, you may choose to set a budget for holiday spending or limit contact with family members.
One of the best boundaries you can set for the holidays is planning ahead and then sharing your plans with family and friends in advance.

Let’s face it: The most wonderful time of the year can be super stressful, with family, friends, and colleagues pressuring you to do things outside of your comfort zone. For example, your relatives may expect you to attend a family dinner that triggers your anxiety. Or your coworkers may push you to participate in a gift exchange you can’t afford. Whatever the case may be, without limits, you could become emotionally exhausted.

Setting boundaries can be helpful to protect your mental health and well-being. That’s why we’ve compiled these helpful tips for setting boundaries during the holidays.

Tips for setting healthy holiday boundaries

If you’re feeling stressed about the holidays, these tips can help you set healthy boundaries.

1. Plan ahead

Think about how you can best manage your time, money, and mental and emotional resources as you head into the holiday season. “It’s always a good idea to get ahead of the holidays,” said Maud Purcell, LCSW, a psychotherapist and founder of The Life Solution Center in Connecticut. “If there’s anything that will make the holidays stressful for you, decide ahead of time how you want to handle it this year.”

2. Practice your boundary statements

Go into the season with a few statements ready to use. This will keep you grounded when emotions run high or expectations start to pile up.

Try simple, firm lines such as:

“I appreciate the invite, but I’m honoring what I need in this season.”
“I can support, but only within this limit…”
“I’m protecting my peace by not taking on anything extra right now.”

Having phrases prepared helps to keep your mind clear, steady your emotions, and protect your peace.

3. Take time to respond

When someone puts you on the spot, you may feel the pressure to say “yes” to a social engagement. But it’s OK to buy yourself time.

Saying something like the following gives you a chance to reflect:

“I need to check my kids’ schedule.”
“I need to speak with my partner first.”
"Let me check my calendar."
"Let me see if that fits with the other things happening."
"I'll get back to you to let you know if I can add something."
"I'll let you know if that works."

EXPERT PICKS: WHAT TO READ NEXT

Feeling overwhelmed during the holidays? Try these therapist-backed mental health tips to help you set boundaries, adjust expectations, and make the season feel more manageable.
Need help in all your relationships? Learn how to create healthy boundaries in all kinds of relationships, so you can protect your time, energy, and well-being year-round.
Managing holiday stress: Check out practical ways to manage stress through planning, mindfulness, and setting limits, so your season feels more joyful and less chaotic.

Then, you can come up with a plan on how you’d like to respond.

4. Offer options — only if you want to

Consider alternatives when you have to say “no.” This isn’t required, but it could be helpful to offer other options, especially in cases when you’d like to maintain the connection.

Here are some examples:

If you can’t make it to a relative’s house for a holiday meal, invite them over for a weekend in the new year instead.
If you can’t make it to your office party, ask coworkers to go out for lunch to make up for it.
If you can’t stay for the full event, commit to stopping by for an hour.

5. Be flexible

“Holidays are about giving and loving and sharing,” said Purcell. “We want to take care of ourselves, but we also want to think about other people’s needs. It’s a tough balancing act.”

Purcell suggested having very short visits with relatives who make you feel uncomfortable. Use your discretion, however. If you know you'll be entering an unsafe environment, it’s OK to bow out completely. Kindly say, “We appreciate the invitation, but we can’t make it this year.”

6. Avoid aiming for perfection

The holidays don’t have to be flawless to be meaningful. Release the pressure to create picture-perfect meals, decorations, or schedules. Instead, focus on what truly matters: connection, joy, and presence. Often, it’s the small imperfections that become the moments that you and your loved ones remember most. Laugh about the burnt cookies and embrace the slightly crooked tree.

7. Listen to your gut

Your gut instincts can warn you when a boundary is being crossed. You may feel like something is off or feel threatened in some way. Listen to those internal cues and respond in ways that make you feel safe and respected.

8. Be assertive

During the holidays, it’s easy to get pulled into obligations, traditions, or social plans that stretch you too thin. But being assertive gives you the power to participate on your own terms.

Being assertive isn’t about confrontation; it’s about prioritizing your well-being and helping others understand and respect your limits. “If you have some constraints you want to set, communicate them early and in a firm but kind way,” said Purcell. “That can set the tone for things moving forward.”

How to communicate your boundaries

Communicating your boundaries doesn’t have to be complicated. The key is clarity, confidence, and calm delivery. Here’s how to make it easier:

Be clear and direct. Say what you mean without overexplaining or apologizing. Clarity protects you from getting pulled into negotiations. (Example: “I’m choosing a slower pace this season, so I won’t be joining.”)
Use “I” statements. This keeps the focus on your needs, rather than someone else’s behavior. Fill in the blanks: “I feel ___ when ____ because _____. What I need is ________.” (Example: “I feel anxious when you insist we go to your parents’ for the holidays because we neglect my family. What I need is to visit my parents this year.”)
Keep your tone steady and warm. Boundaries don’t require harshness. A calm voice helps you stay grounded and reduces defensiveness in others.
Communicate early, when possible. Sharing your boundaries before the holiday rush minimizes confusion and helps set expectations.
Stay aligned with what supports your well-being. Your boundary isn’t a debate. It’s a commitment to your mental and emotional peace.

Speaking your needs with intention lets you shape a holiday season that works for you, instead of feeling overwhelmed by it.

How to reinforce boundaries

Unfortunately, not everyone will respect your boundaries. Their reaction doesn’t mean your boundary is wrong; it simply means they were benefiting from the version of you who didn’t have a boundary.

There are several things you can do when someone crosses the line:

Restate your boundary. You might have to repeat yourself a few times before the other person gets it. (Example: “As I mentioned before, I won’t be able to attend the family dinner this year.”)
Follow through on your limits. Communicate what will happen if they continue to disregard your boundaries. (Example: “I may not have time to return your calls until after the holidays.”)
Adjust the boundary. Ask yourself whether there’s any wiggle room. If so, consider redefining your boundary. (Example: “I might be able to stop by for a few minutes or meet everyone for brunch instead.”)
End the relationship. When someone ignores your boundaries repeatedly, you might have to back away completely.

What are the most helpful boundaries to set during the holidays?

The holidays can usher in many challenges you may not have to face the rest of the year. Setting the following boundaries during the holidays can help:

Set realistic goals for traveling, hosting, and attending events. Remember to communicate your plans before the season kicks into high gear.
Decide how much money you can spend on things like food, gifts, decorations, and travel.
Take turns spending time with relatives, and communicate your plans in advance.
Avoid triggers that make you feel unsafe or uncomfortable, such as a family member or coworker who makes unkind remarks about your beliefs or values.
Maintain healthy habits throughout the holidays. Eat nutritious meals and limit alcohol. Get plenty of sleep and schedule time for exercise and self-care.

Why is it important to set boundaries during the holidays?

There are many benefits to setting boundaries. They can help you:

Preserve your emotional energy
Maintain or improve your mental health
Have better relationships
Boost your self-esteem
Prevent burnout
Reduce stress and anxiety
Make space for personal growth
Feel understood and respected
Shore up your sense of self-control

How can you tell it’s time to reevaluate your boundaries?

It’s normal for people to adjust boundaries. Someone who you felt safe around in the past may no longer feel safe in the present.

You may want to set new boundaries if:

Your relationship status changes
You experience a major shift in your life (such as having a baby or moving cross country)
You become seriously ill or injured
Your work environment turns toxic
You become more secure with yourself
Someone disrespects you repeatedly
Your financial situation changes

When should you reevaluate your holiday boundaries?

Boundaries can be reevaluated at any time. But the beginning of the new year may be ideal for re-examining your boundaries. With the hustle and bustle of the holiday season over, you can reflect on what worked and what didn’t.

Ask yourself these questions:

Did anything or anyone make me feel like something wasn’t right?
Did I overspend or stick to my budget? What adjustments could I make for next year?
Was traveling too stressful for me and my family?
Do I regret not doing something, like visiting a sick relative or passing on free concert tickets?
Would hosting an event next year make me more comfortable?
Did I include someone I should exclude in the future?
Did I feel overwhelmed with the number of activities I was engaged in?
How do I want next season to be different from this one?

Frequently asked questions

When someone reacts poorly to your boundary, remember this: Their response doesn’t mean your boundary was wrong — it means it was necessary.

Try following these steps:

Stay grounded and resist the urge to over-explain or shrink your needs to make someone else comfortable.
Restate your boundary calmly and clearly. You don’t need a speech — just a steady reminder of what you said and why it matters for your well-being.
If the tension grows, create space. Step away from the conversation so you can respond, not react.
Hold your line with compassion — for yourself and the other person. People often push back because they’re used to the old version of you, and growth can sometimes feel like loss to others.

Holidays can put extra pressure on relationships because expectations are high and time is limited. Added stress from travel, finances, and busy schedules can make small disagreements feel bigger. For many, holidays also bring up unresolved emotions, past conflicts, or grief. Simply put, the season’s demands often collide with our need for connection, patience, and emotional bandwidth — and that collision can strain even the strongest relationships.

Setting boundaries around holiday traditions doesn’t mean that you’re rejecting your family; it means you’re protecting your energy and well-being. Start by clarifying your needs and communicating your boundaries clearly and kindly. You might say, “I love our holiday meals, but I need to leave by 8 p.m. this year so I can rest.” Or: “I won’t be able to host this year, but I’d love to celebrate in a smaller way.”

Remember, it’s OK to create new traditions or adapt old ones. Boundaries aren’t about punishment — they’re about balance, peace, and showing up in a way that feels sustainable for you.

The bottom line

Holiday boundaries can help you get through the season with less stress. They can make you feel like you’re in control, instead of feeling like you’re in chaos. Before the season gets underway, think about what your limits are this year. Then communicate those with relatives and friends. For example, if you can’t travel to a family gathering, give them a heads-up and then offer alternatives. As you set limits and express those limits to others, you may find yourself enjoying the season, rather than dreading it.

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Written by:

Ana Gascon

Ana Gascon has over 15 years of writing and editing experience, with 8 years in health and medical content work. She is a content creator who focuses on acute conditions, chronic diseases, mental health challenges, and health equity.

Edited by:

Karla Robinson, MD

Karla Robinson, MD, is a medical editor for GoodRx. She is a licensed, board-certified family physician with almost 20 years of experience in health through varied clinical, administrative, and educational roles.

Reviewed by:

Bernadette Anderson, MD, MPH

A native of Saginaw, Michigan, Dr. Bernadette earned an undergraduate degree in psychology from the University of Michigan, Ann Arbor. She completed a master's degree in public health at the University of California, Berkeley, and a doctorate of medicine from the Medical College of Ohio.

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