7 Tips for Setting Boundaries During the Holidays

Let’s face it — the most wonderful time of the year can be super stressful, with family, friends, and colleagues pressuring you to do things outside of your comfort zone. Setting boundaries can be helpful to protect your mental health and well-being .

For example, your relatives may expect you to attend a family dinner that triggers your anxiety. Or your coworkers may push you to participate in a gift exchange you can’t afford.

Whatever the case may be, without limits, you could become emotionally exhausted. That’s why we’ve come up with some boundary-specific tips to help you get through the holidays.  

Tips for setting healthy holiday boundaries

If you’re feeling stressed about the holidays, these tips can help you set healthy boundaries.

1. Plan ahead

“It’s always a good idea to get ahead of the holidays,” Maud Purcell, LCSW, a psychotherapist and founder of The Life Solution Center in Connecticut, told GoodRx Health. 

Think about how you can best manage your time, money, and mental and emotional resources as you head into the holiday season. 

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“If there’s anything that will make the holidays stressful for you, decide ahead of time how you want to handle it this year,” Purcell added.

2. Take time to respond

When someone puts you on the spot, you may feel the pressure to say “yes” to a social engagement. But it’s OK to buy yourself time. Saying something like the following gives you a chance to reflect: 

• “I need to check my kids’ schedule.”

• “I need to speak with my partner first.”

• "Let me check my calendar."  

• "Let me see if that fits with the other things happening."  

• "I'll get back to you to let you know if I can add something." 

• "I'll let you know if that works."

Then you can come up with a plan on how you’d like to respond. 

3. Offer options

Think about alternatives when you have to say “no.” If you can’t make it to a relative’s house for a holiday meal, invite them over for a weekend in the new year instead. If you can’t make it to your office party, ask coworkers to go out for lunch to make up for it. 

4. Be flexible

“Holidays are about giving and loving and sharing,” says Purcell. “We want to take care of ourselves, but we also want to think about other people’s needs. It’s a tough balancing act.” 

Purcell suggests very short visits with relatives who make you feel unsafe. Use your discretion, however. If you  know you will be entering an unsafe environment, it’s OK to bow out completely. Kindly say, “We appreciate the invitation, but we can’t make it this year.” 

5. Listen to your gut

Our gut instincts can warn us when a boundary is being crossed. You may feel like something is off or feel threatened in some way. Listen to those internal cues and respond in ways that make you feel safe and respected.

6. Be assertive

“If you have some constraints you want to set, communicate them early and in a firm but kind way,” says Purcell. “It can set the tone for things moving forward.”

“I” statements can help you practice assertive communication. Fill in the blanks in the following: “I feel ___ when ____ because _____. What I need is ________.”

For instance: “I feel anxious when you insist we go to your parents’ for the holidays because we neglect my family. What I need is to visit my parents this year.”

7. Prepare for boundary crossings

Unfortunately, not everyone will respect your boundaries. There are several things you can do when someone crosses the line:

• Restate your boundary. You might have to repeat yourself a few times before the other person gets it. For example, “As I mentioned before, I won’t be able to attend the family dinner this year.”

• Follow through on your limits. Communicate what will happen if they continue to disregard your boundaries. For instance, “I may not have time to return your calls until after the holidays.”

• Adjust the boundary. Is there wiggle room? If so, consider redefining your boundary. For example, “I might be able to stop by for a few minutes or meet everyone for brunch instead.”

• End the relationship. When someone ignores your boundaries repeatedly, you might have to back away completely.

What are the most helpful boundaries to set during the holidays?

The holidays can usher in many challenges you may not have to face the rest of the year. The following holiday boundaries can help:

• Set realistic goals for traveling, hosting, and attending events. Remember to communicate your plans before the season kicks into high gear.

• Decide how much money you can spend on things like food, gifts, decorations, and travel.

• Take turns spending time with relatives and communicate your plans in advance.

• Avoid triggers that make you feel unsafe or uncomfortable, such as a family member or coworker who makes unkind remarks about your beliefs or values.

• Maintain healthy habits throughout the holidays. Eat nutritious meals when you’re not at a special event, and limit alcohol. Get plenty of sleep and schedule time for exercise and self-care. 

Why is it important to set boundaries?

There are many benefits to setting boundaries. They can help you:

• Preserve your emotional energy

• Maintain or improve your mental health

• Have better relationships 

• Boost your self-esteem

• Prevent burnout

• Reduce stress and anxiety

• Make space for personal growth

• Feel understood and respected

• Shore up your sense of self-control

How can you tell it’s time to set new boundaries?

It’s normal for people to adjust boundaries. Someone who you felt safe around in the past may no longer feel safe in the present. You may want to set new boundaries if:

• Your relationship status changes

• You experience a major shift in your life, such as having a baby or moving cross country

• You become seriously ill or injured

• Your work environment turns toxic 

• You become more secure with yourself

• Someone disrespects you repeatedly

• Your financial situation changes

When should you reevaluate your holiday boundaries?

Boundaries can be reevaluated at any time. But the beginning of the new year may be ideal for re-examining holiday boundaries. With the hustle and bustle of the holiday season over, you can reflect on what worked and what didn’t. 

Ask yourself these questions:

• Did anything or anyone make me feel like something wasn’t right?

• Did I overspend or stick to my budget? What adjustments could I make for next year?

• Was traveling too stressful for me and my family?

• Do I regret not doing something, like visiting a sick relative or passing on free concert tickets?

• Would hosting an event next year make me more comfortable? 

• Did I include someone I should exclude in the future?

• Did I feel overwhelmed with the number of activities I was engaged in?

• How do I want next season to be different from this year?

Why trust our experts?

Written by:

Ana Gascon

Ana Gascon has over 15 years of writing and editing experience, with 8 years in health and medical content work. She is a versatile health and medical content creator who writes about acute conditions, chronic diseases, mental health challenges, and health equity.

Edited by:

Renée Fabian, MA

Renée Fabian is the senior pet health editor at GoodRx. She’s worked for nearly 10 years as a journalist and editor across a wide range of health and well-being topics.

Reviewed by:

India B. Gomez, PhD

India B. Gomez, PhD, is a licensed clinical psychologist with a certificate in Latin American Family Therapy. She completed her doctoral education at the California School of Professional Psychology/Alliant International University.

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