9 New Year’s Resolutions for Couples That Can Spark Your Relationship
Key takeaways:
Setting New Year’s resolutions as a couple can help improve your communication, intimacy, and closeness.
As a couple, you could set a resolution to schedule weekly date nights, start an exercise routine together, or plan to socialize with other couples.
When brainstorming resolutions with your partner, try to approach it from a positive place by focusing on the benefits rather than what’s missing in your relationship.
Table of contents
Here’s a new take on New Year’s resolutions. If you’re in a relationship, think about setting a couple of resolutions with your partner. Making New Year’s resolutions together can help keep the spark in your relationship and even deepen your connection. It can also keep you both accountable, which means you’re more likely to be successful at your new goals.
Here are nine New Year’s resolutions for couples that you can choose from.
1. Put date night on your calendar
For the new year, consider scheduling a regular date night. This may seem like a given, but half of couples report they never go out on date nights with their spouses or only go out a few times a year. Date nights allow you to give your undivided attention to each other while also enjoying a dinner out or an activity.
Married couples who schedule regular date nights are less likely to get divorced and also report:
Feeling happier in their relationships
Better communication
Feeling more committed to one another
More sexual satisfaction
You can set a date night for once a week, every other week, or even once a month. Don’t forget to book a babysitter if you need one.
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Date nights can include:
Going out to dinner
Seeing a movie or play
Doing something active, like taking a dance class
Going to a wine or beer tasting event
Attending a paint-and-sip event
You can even host your date nights at home, but this may only work if you don’t have children at home. Here are some ideas for at-home date nights:
Snuggle up on the couch and watch a movie.
Play a board game.
Create an at-home spa experience.
2. Share gratitude
Sometimes in relationships, it’s easy to forget to show appreciation for your partner. But feeling gratitude, which is the act of being thankful for what you have, can help you and your partner feel more connected and appreciated.
Consider starting a gratitude practice for your relationship. It may feel awkward at first, but you’ll likely become more comfortable with it and it will start to feel natural. Here are some ways to start expressing gratitude in your relationship:
Every night before bed, share three things that your partner did that day that you’re thankful for. You can start with one thing if that’s easier.
Keep an ongoing list of what you appreciate about your partner and share it with them each week.
Send each other messages throughout the day with notes of appreciation.
You can also practice personal gratitude. Gratitude for positive things in your life can benefit your physical and mental health. Set aside a few moments each day to reflect on what you appreciate about your life.
3. Carve out tech-free time
With smartphones, it’s easy to spend hours each day on your device — working, scrolling social media, or texting with others. If you’re with someone in person though, looking at your phone can cause a sense of distance or a lack of connection.
Couples who spend longer amounts of time on social media report spending less time together and feeling less satisfied in their relationships.
For your New Year’s resolution, agree to set aside “tech-free” time as a couple. Examples include:
Pick a time to do a “digital detox.” It could be a few hours in the evenings or one weekend day.
Keep your bed as a tech-free zone.
Make mealtime tech-free.
Make a rule or habit of putting down your phone when someone is talking to you.
Going tech-free can feel strange at first, but it can give you an opportunity to spend quality time together as a couple. You could use that time to have conversations, play a board game, learn a new skill together, or be intimate.
4. Socialize with friends together
For your New Year’s resolution, commit to going out with friends as a couple. You can aim for once a week or once a month.
While it’s important to have friendships outside of your romantic relationship, it’s also good to have “couple friends.” When you and your partner socialize with others, it can highlight things in their personality that you like. And it’s also nice to bring other personalities and ideas into your life, so it’s not always just the two of you interacting.
If you don’t have any couple friends, consider ways to expand your social circle as a couple:
Start by considering whether your own friends and their partners would get along well with you and your partner.
You can try to meet new couples through group activities. The Meetup app is a great way to find group activities with others who have similar interests.
5. Get active together
If you’re making a fitness resolution, think about making it with your partner. Exercising or doing a sport with each other can give you a different kind of together-time. And you can support one another in your fitness goals, which can help you stick to your resolutions.
Here are some ideas for fitness New Year’s resolutions for couples:
Go to the gym together.
Sign up for a team sport or league.
Play pickleball after work.
Go for a walk or bike ride every night after dinner.
Sign up for a yoga or exercise class.
6. Have “good” sex
Setting a goal to have more sex in the new year may seem like a good idea, but research shows that when it comes to sex, quality is more important than quantity. Couples who have more sex are not necessarily more satisfied in their relationships. Rather, having what each person regards as “good sex” is more closely linked to relationship satisfaction.
If you want to create a resolution around your sex life, aim to have better sex. If that also means more sex, then go for it.
Good sex is different for different people. To define better sex for you as a couple, have open conversations about what you like. Talk about ways to enhance your sex life together. This could involve being open about your fantasies and trying new things, like sex toys, role playing, or new positions.
When you’re engaging in new sexual experiences, try to both be open and supportive so you feel safe exploring your sexuality.
7. Show more physical affection
We all know that more intimacy is good for a relationship, but intimacy is more than just sex. Nonsexual touch, such as hugging, holding hands, and rubbing your partner’s back, also promotes warm feelings in couples.
Partners may have different needs when it comes to touch. Some people may crave more touch, while others may feel satisfied with the occasional hug. Bring up the topic with your partner to see if either of you feel dissatisfied with the amount of touch in your relationship.
Then explore ways for both of you to feel like your needs are being met.
If you’d like to set a New Year’s resolution related to touch, you might try:
Agreeing to hold hands when out in public
Snuggling on the couch while watching television instead of sitting apart
Taking the time to give each other a hug and kiss when you get home
8. Learn something new about your partner
When a relationship is new, you spend a lot of time getting to know your partner. But as the relationship progresses, it’s common to invest less time in learning about each other.
According to relationship experts John and Julie Gottman, you should try to build what they call “love maps.” This involves continuing to learn about your partner’s inner psychological world. This can deepen the relationship and help you feel more connected.
Couples with detailed love maps are better able to cope with stress, conflict, and change in their relationships. Think of a love map like a guide to understanding your partner.
Here are some questions you can ask each other to help you build a love map:
What are your biggest fears?
What is your favorite way to unwind?
What is your ideal way to spend an evening?
What are your dreams for the future?
For your New Year’s resolution, spend one night a week or month building your love map or simply asking questions to help get to know one another better. Visit The Gottman Institute for more information on Love Maps and relationship tools.
9. Choose one thing to accept about your partner
A more personal resolution could be choosing one of your partner’s harmless behaviors or traits that you can accept. Most couples get irritated with their partners for little things, like leaving their socks on the floor or chewing loudly. These are not dealbreakers, but rather little annoyances that get you mad and may even lead to lashing out at your partner.
This resolution will not work for bigger issues that truly matter to you. For example, if your partner drinks too much and you’re concerned about their health, then you shouldn’t just accept the behavior. In this case, you’ll want to work on ways to bring up your concerns and encourage them to get help.
When you select a harmless trait or behavior to accept, think of all the reasons why this trait or behavior truly doesn’t matter. Then think of all that you love and appreciate about your partner. When the behavior happens, take a deep breath and refer to the love list.
What are the benefits of New Year’s resolutions for couples?
Relationships are constantly changing. Setting New Year’s resolutions gives you an opportunity to grow together, rather than apart.
Depending on the type of resolutions that you agree to, setting a resolution can help you:
Feel closer to your partner
Spend more time together
Learn more about one another
Improve your communication
Feel a greater sense of appreciation for one another
Improve your sexual relationship
How can you start a conversation with your partner about resolutions?
To start a conversation about setting New Year’s resolutions as a couple, it’s best to approach it from a positive place. Here are some strategies:
When you introduce the idea, focus on the benefits of making a New Year’s resolution together.
Discuss how resolutions can help strengthen your bond, improve communication, and enhance closeness.
Avoid blaming your partner or focusing on the negative aspects of your relationship, which can lead to defensiveness and conflict.
When deciding on a resolution, take some time to talk about what you hope to get from the resolution. For example, if you want to get active together, what do you hope will result from that? Do you want to lose weight or feel closer as a couple or both? Identify the “why” behind the resolution. This will help you stay motivated when your motivation dips.
Here are some other key points to keep in mind when discussing New Year’s resolutions with your partner:
Take turns sharing your thoughts and ideas.
Be open to your partner’s ideas.
Avoid interrupting or attacking your partner.
Use “we” instead of “you.”
Lastly, remember that change is a process. There may be setbacks along the way, and that’s perfectly OK. If you get deterred from your goal, it’s never too late to jump back in.
Frequently asked questions
Common New Year’s resolutions that people make involve improving their physical health. This is followed by losing weight, changing eating habits, and personal growth.
To make resolutions stick, be sure to set realistic goals. When the goal is too big or feels too difficult, you are more likely to get frustrated and give up. Also, it’s important to come up with an action plan to put your resolution into practice. For example, if you want to increase your fitness, write down all of the actions that you’ll take to make that happen.
Healthy New Year’s resolutions usually fall into two categories: eliminating a bad habit or adding a new, healthy habit. Some people even do both. Examples of healthy New Year’s resolutions include reaching a comfortable weight, cutting down on alcohol, quitting smoking, and starting a daily meditation practice.
The bottom line
Setting New Year’s resolutions as a couple can help enhance closeness, intimacy, and satisfaction in your relationship. There are many different types of couple’s resolutions you could make, but the most important thing is that you agree on them together. When discussing resolutions with your partner, focus on the benefits of setting a resolution. Keep goals realistic, so you’re more likely to succeed. And most importantly, remember to have fun!
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References
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Lehmiller, J. (2020). The power of touch: Physical affection is important in relationships, but some people need more than others. Kinsey Institute.
Lisita, E. (2024). The sound relationship house: Build love maps. The Gottman Institute.
McNeil, D. (2024). The gifts of showing your gratitude for each other. The Gottman Institute.
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The Gottman Institute. (2024). 25 date ideas you can try at home and long-distance.
The Gottman Institute. (2024). New Year’s relationship resolutions.
