15 Signs You May Be in an Unhealthy Relationship
Key takeaways:
Trust, respect, and honesty are all characteristics of a healthy relationship, as are emotional and physical safety. If your relationship lacks these, you may be in an unhealthy partnership.
Common signs of a toxic relationship include threatening behavior, dishonesty, and jealousy.
If you believe you’re in an unhealthy relationship, you’re not alone. You can walk away safely with help from supportive family members and friends.
Table of contents
Most people start a romantic relationship with the best of intentions. You typically want to spend lots of time together and make each other happy.
But what happens when your partner starts to show red flags? Maybe they don’t want you to spend time with anyone else. Or maybe they start to put you down for little things, such as not answering a text immediately or gaining a few pounds. These are all signs that something’s probably wrong.
Below you’ll find more signs of a toxic partnership. You’ll also discover ways to end it and what to look for in a healthy partnership.
Quiz: Is my relationship toxic?
Signs you are in an unhealthy relationship
The following list highlights some of the red flags of an unhealthy relationship. If you recognize any of these, you may want to see a therapist or talk to friends for support in breaking things off.
1. Control
In an unhealthy relationship, your partner may make most decisions regardless of your interest in contributing. They may tell you what to wear, what the two of you are going to eat, and how you’re going to spend the weekend. You rarely have any say.
2. Jealousy
A jealous partner may react passionately or aggressively if they believe they may lose you to someone else. Jealousy may lead them to become possessive, paranoid, or accusatory.
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Some level of jealousy can be normal in a romantic relationship. But it can become a problem when it starts to take over your relationship.
3. Dishonesty
Lying and deception can be additional signs of an unhealthy relationship. Your mate might keep things from you, twist the truth, or take something of yours and deny taking it.
4. Belittling
Belittling is a way of making you feel small and worthless. Your partner may criticize you, make fun of you, or say rude things about you in front of others.
5. Hostility
Hostility is a form of anger or aggressiveness. Examples of hostility are when your partner wants to pick a fight with you or gives you the silent treatment.
6. Not taking responsibility
Unhealthy partners may not take responsibility for their actions. They often make excuses for their behavior or blame you or others for their mistakes. This may happen on occasion even in healthy relationships. But it can become a problem when it starts to be a pattern in your partnership.
7. Harassment
Harassment is when someone tries to push you into doing something you don’t want to do, such as unwanted physical contact, sex, or sexting. This could also include physical or sexual abuse.
8. Betrayal
Many people think of betrayal as cheating, but it can mean so much more. Betrayal can also happen when a partner behaves one way in front of you and differently behind your back. Or it can happen when they keep things from you or tell your secrets to others without your knowledge or consent.
9. Manipulation
Manipulation is a form of control. Your partner might try to get you to do things like drink when you don’t want a drink. They might also ignore you until you give in to what they want.
10. Dependence
An overly dependent partner may expect you to spend all of your free time with them. They may say things like, “I can’t live without you” or break down when you try to do something without them.
11. Inequity
Do you ever feel like you do all the work to keep the relationship together? In inequitable partnerships, one person often may pay for everything, do all the chores, and have to give in during disagreements. Inequity can make you resent your partner and leave you feeling emotionally exhausted.
12. Isolation
Isolation is a form of control. Isolation occurs when a toxic partner demands you spend all or most of your time with them and discourages you from spending time with family and friends or from engaging in activities you enjoy.
13. Inability to resolve conflict
An unhealthy partner may not collaborate with you to work through an issue. Instead, they may become disrespectful, put down your point of view, or demand you take their side.
Keep in mind that conflict resolution can be difficult in many relationships. This can be especially true if you or your partner never learned how to deal with conflict. An inability to resolve conflict may become a problem when your partner isn’t interested in trying to work with you on the issue.
14. Threats
A toxic partner may threaten to hurt you, your family members, or your closest friends. They may even threaten to take their own life or harm themselves. They may also threaten physical or sexual abuse.
15. Social media stalking
Social media is a big part of our lives, but it can be misused by a partner in an unhealthy relationship. It’s usually not healthy for a partner to demand your social media passwords, harass you on a platform, or pressure you to post something uncomfortable.
What are the effects of being in a toxic partnership?
Being in a toxic relationship can have a devastating impact on your health and well-being. The fallout can include things such as:
Psychological distress
Anxiety and panic attacks
Paranoia
Anger
Self-hatred
Low self-worth
How do I get out of a toxic relationship?
It can be hard to break up with a toxic or abusive partner. They may resort to harmful tactics to get you to stay. That’s why it’s important for you to seek support and put together an exit plan.
Gather a support team
Tell friends and family about your plans to end the relationship. They can help keep you safe from your partner and support your recovery.
Get counseling
A therapist can share insights with you that you probably haven’t thought about. Tell them what’s going on and ask for exit strategies.
Pick a safe place to break up
If you think your partner might become harmful, you may want to end things over the phone or in a public place, or to bring a friend with you.
Write down what you want to say
Getting out of a toxic relationship can be stressful. Putting your thoughts down on paper can help you remember everything you want to tell your partner. Plus, it can remind you of all the reasons you want out.
But keep in mind it’s also OK to end a relationship without explaining why. You do not have to justify ending an unhealthy relationship, and your partner does not have to agree with you.
Limit contact
For your safety and mental well-being, it might be best to refuse contact with your ex. Don’t get together to discuss the breakup, answer their phone calls, or respond to texts once you’ve ended the relationship. Consider blocking them on social media.
Make a safety plan
If your partner is abusive, it may help to make a safety plan as you get ready to leave. A safety plan helps you think through where you’ll go after the breakup, remember who can support you, and get your finances in order.
What does a healthy romantic relationship look like?
Perhaps a good way to understand an unhealthy relationship is to look at the signs of a healthy relationship. Healthy relationships are ones where you feel safe and respected. You get along most of the time, but when you don’t, you feel comfortable talking about it and feel heard.
Other characteristics of a healthy partnership include:
You feel relaxed about spending time together but also enjoying time apart.
You trust one another and look out for one another’s well-being.
You feel a balance of give and take when making decisions together and dividing up tasks.
You encourage one another to grow individually and as partners.
You listen to one another and resolve disagreements in a calm, considerate way.
You engage in sexual activities or physical intimacy that are comfortable and consensual for you and your partner.
You support one another during difficult times.
The bottom line
A healthy relationship is built on trust, honesty, and mutual respect, whereas an unhealthy partnership can involve lies, threats, and control. Harmful partners may use manipulation to get what they want and isolate their partners from supportive friends and family members.
If you believe you’re in an unhealthy relationship, you’re not alone. There are steps you can take to end it, including seeing a counselor to discuss options, asking people you trust to support you, and breaking up via text or in a public place.
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References
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