12 Tips for Having Great Sex as an Older Adult
Key takeaways:
For many people, sex is an important part of life — no matter your age.
Aging-related changes can sometimes cause physical and mental changes that make having sex more challenging.
There are many things you can do to support a healthy sex life as an older adult, including talking openly with your partners and your healthcare professionals about your needs.
Table of contents
Sex is a big part of life no matter your age. And though many people have sex less often as they get older, it still matters to most people. In fact, according to the National Poll on Healthy Aging, about 3 out of 4 adults said that sex is a key part of romantic relationships. And 1 out of 2 felt that sex is “important to my overall quality of life.”
But the truth is, aging often comes with many changes — some of which can affect your sex drive, and even your abilities. And if you’re looking to give your sex life a boost in your 60s, 70s, 80s, and beyond, you may be wondering: Is there anything I can do?
Can you have good sex after 70?
Absolutely. There’s no reason that you can’t continue to have good sex after 70 and beyond. 70-year-old men and women can and do have sex. Even many 80-year-olds and 90-year-olds remain sexually active.
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But it’s worth mentioning: Sex in your 70s might not look the same as when you were younger, and that’s OK. After all, there’s no one size fits all when it comes to your sex life. What’s right for one person might not be right for another. What really matters is whether you feel safe, satisfied, and content when it comes to sex.
Tips for great sex in your 60s, 70s, and beyond
Maintaining an enjoyable sex life as you age can often involve physical, emotional, or relationship changes. It’s all about being creative, taking care of your mental and physical health, and talking with your healthcare professional when needed.
Here are some ideas to consider.
1. Expand your definition of sex
Set aside time with your partner to invite intimacy and embrace it in whatever form takes shape. As you age, you have an opportunity to expand your perspective of physical intimacy. Many older people enjoy sexual intercourse, but it can also be rewarding to make emotional connections. You might also enjoy trying other sensual experiences, like massage or other erotic activities.
2. Adapt your routine
With retiring, moving, new hobbies, or new routines, your schedule has likely changed as you’ve aged. Be willing to explore intimacy on days or times different from what you’re used to. For example, if you go to bed earlier now, you may choose to spend intimate time with your partner in the morning or afternoon.
3. Take your time
As you age, it’s possible that your body needs more time for physical arousal. Allowing yourself additional time to get “turned on” can help take the pressure off, and allow you and your partner to focus on pleasure. Taking your time can also deepen your emotional intimacy, which can make you feel more satisfied with sex in general.
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4. Establish open and honest communication
Research shows a connection between sexual communication and sexual satisfaction. This could mean talking with your partner openly about:
Times of day and days of the week when you’re more open to sexual intimacy
How you’re feeling about physical changes that affect sex, like vaginal dryness or erectile dysfunction
How your likes and dislikes during intimacy have evolved
The appreciation and care you have for your partner
5. Consider sex therapy
Seeing a sex therapist can help you figure out what you want and need, and can even give you tools for having a more enjoyable sex life. Seeing a sex therapist with your partner can also help the two of you communicate better about sex.
After all, aging is different for everyone. It all depends on your mental and physical health, your culture, and your past experiences. A sex therapist can help you explore your own story, either on your own or together with your partner.
6. Maintain healthy daily habits
Maintaining healthy habits can help you have a positive well-being, remain energized, and stay agile — all of which are helpful for your sex life. Good habits for a healthy sex life include getting enough sleep, eating a balanced diet, and avoiding alcohol and drugs.
7. Practice safe sex
Even if you’re not concerned about unplanned pregnancy at this stage of life, sexually transmitted infections (STIs) are possible at any age. STIs are especially common in older adults who are widowed or divorced.
Your best bet is to use protection like a condom or dental dam — especially if you aren’t sure about your partner’s sexual history. It’s also a great idea to discuss regular testing for STIs with your partner. Remember: Your immune system weakens with age, making you more susceptible to infection or infection-related complications.
8. Consider sex toys
Sex toys can add variety to the bedroom and increase your sexual satisfaction — either on your own, or with a partner. And with online shopping, you can even browse sex toy options from the comfort and privacy of your own home.
9. Use mobility aids
For many people, mobility changes with age. This means you might need to adapt your environment a bit to make sex comfortable. Consider using pillows and wedges to make the bed more comfortable, or to help with positioning during sex. Some people even opt for chairs or benches designed as sex aids for the disabled or seniors.
10. Stay active
Physical activity and sex have a mutually beneficial relationship. In other words: Sex is good for your heart, and a heart-healthy lifestyle is good for sex. And maintaining your cardiovascular health and muscle strength can improve your sexual function and self-esteem.
11. Address your physical health
Poor physical health can interfere with your sex life, especially as you age.
Consider the following health conditions, which are common in older adults:
Urinary tract infections (UTIs)
Arthritis or joint pain
Neurological conditions, like a past stroke
Heart disease or heart failure
High blood pressure
Obesity
These conditions may cause pain, lack of blood flow, or difficulty with mobility — all of which can affect your ability to have a satisfying sex life.
If you have a medical condition that’s affecting your sex life, talk with your healthcare professional (tips on how to do this below). They can consider your concerns when making medical recommendations and prescriptions, and work with you to achieve your goals.
12. Address your mental health
Mental health conditions can also have a big impact on your sex life. This includes common conditions like major depression, anxiety disorders, and more. And in many cases, seeking mental health treatment may remove a barrier to your sexual satisfaction.
How to talk with your healthcare professional about sex
If you’re facing challenges in your sex life — like erectile dysfunction or painful sex — it can be helpful to talk with your healthcare professional. Seeing a medical professional, like a primary care provider, OBGYN, or urologist, can help you get to the root of your problems.
After all, aging can cause changes to your sex life for a variety of reasons, which can affect your sex drive and orgasms, said Dr. Lisa M. Valle, an OBGYN and medical director of Oasis Women's Sexual Function Center in Santa Monica.
It can be uncomfortable to bring up sex with your healthcare professional. To get the conversation started you can say something like, “Hey doc, I heard that it’s good to discuss your sexual health and well-being with a medical professional. I was wondering if that’s something we can have a conversation about.”
A good medical professional will understand that bringing up the topic is vulnerable. They’ll do their best to guard the trust you’ve extended to them — and figure out a plan for helping you make changes in your sex life.
How does aging affect sex?
Aging affects sex in many ways. Some of these changes include:
Mental health changes
Stress from life changes or grieving the death of loved ones can affect your sex life. Mental health conditions like major depression and anxiety disorders are also common in older people, and can affect your sexual desire and abilities.
Hormonal changes
As men age, their testosterone decreases. This can lead to lower energy levels and libido. In women, menopause can also change sexual desire and functioning.
Problems with erections
Men may be more likely to experience erectile dysfunction as they age. Medications or issues with proper blood flow can exacerbate this condition.
Physical changes in women
“Genital changes in women can cause thinning tissues, decreased lubrication, difficulty with achieving orgasm as well as difficulty with physical arousal,” Dr. Valle said. These changes can affect your sex life in many ways, such as causing pain with sex or leading to frequent UTIs.
Mobility issues
Loss of muscle tone and decreased bone density with age can make sex more physically challenging. Some older people also have decreased stamina and flexibility that makes certain sex positions less comfortable.
Chronic health conditions
New health conditions may arise as you age. You may develop chronic pain, need surgical procedures, or become more susceptible to illness and infection. And many health conditions can pose individual barriers to having a satisfying sex life.
New medications
While medications can be necessary for your physical or mental health, they do have side effects. Some medications may cause sexual problems, like a low sex drive, or trouble having an erection or an orgasm.
The bottom line
Maintaining a healthy sex life is a big part of overall health and well-being — no matter what your age. Though aging can lead to changes in your sex life, it’s possible to have enjoyable sexual encounters into your 70s, 80s, and beyond.
If you’re looking to make changes in your sex life, there are things you can do. Think about experimenting with your partner, or on your own, to find new ways of being intimate. You might also find that tools like pillows, positioners, or even sex toys, can be an enjoyable way to explore.
And finally: Don’t neglect your mental and physical health. Maintaining healthy habits and talking with your healthcare professional can both go a long way toward helping you have a satisfying, enjoyable sex life throughout your lifetime.
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References
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