13 Signs You’re in a Healthy Relationship

A relationship is defined as a connection between two people who share a common bond. Relationships can be between romantic partners, family members, or friends. But for the purposes of this article, we will focus on romantic relationships. 

Romantic relationships can be healthy, unhealthy, or somewhere in the middle. Healthy relationships are those between partners who respect and trust each other. These relationships contain boundaries that both parties honor. And as a result, both people in the relationship feel secure, comfortable, and understood. 

There are certain signs that distinguish a healthy relationship from a less healthy one. Read on to learn about thirteen signs of a healthy relationship.

1. You communicate openly and honestly

Healthy couples communicate openly and honestly. They practice effective communication skills like:

• Active listening

• Taking turns speaking

• Providing negative feedback in a gentle and respectful manner

• Speaking truthfully

They also work through their arguments, rather than sweep them under the rug. Healthy couples know that communication is the foundation of a good relationship.

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2. There is mutual respect

People in healthy relationships respect their partners and convey love and acceptance for them. They may disagree with their partners on certain topics or issues. But they are considerate about these differences, rather than trying to change the other person.

3. You have ‘healthy conflict’

Conflict is often perceived as something bad that should be avoided. But the truth is that conflict is a normal part of any relationship. What sets healthy couples apart is that they work through their conflict with love and respect for their partners.

In unhealthy relationships, couples may respond to conflict with:

• Explosions of anger

• Blaming

• Name-calling

• Shutting down

• Avoidance

Healthy couples take a different approach. They respond to conflict by:

• Thinking before reacting

• Listening to their partner’s side

• Trying to understand their partner’s point of view

• Making an effort to compromise

4. You trust each other

Having trust in a relationship creates security. People in trustworthy relationships have faith that their partners will be loyal.

But trust takes time to build and requires ongoing work. To help build trust in a relationship you can:

• Keep your word

• Communicate your intentions

• Admit when you are wrong

• Be honest

Sometimes, trust is broken in relationships. Infidelity, or cheating, that violates the boundaries of a relationship is one way that trust can be broken. When one or both partners cheat in a closed relationship that has agreed upon monogamy, it violates the rules of that relationship. Rebuilding trust after it’s been broken because of infidelity is challenging. But couples therapy, which we discuss more below, can sometimes help.

5. Boundaries are respected

Boundaries are personal limits that you set to protect yourself in different areas of your life. They can be put in place to protect your physical space, your emotions, and even your finances. Like communication, boundaries are also foundational to a healthy relationship.

Examples of setting health boundaries are:

• Not being physically intimate until you feel ready

• Keeping the password to your phone private

• Taking several minutes to cool off after an argument

Everyone’s boundaries look different. And, sometimes, boundaries get crossed. In healthy relationships, couples honor their partner’s boundaries. And if boundaries do get crossed, the partner who overstepped owns up to it and makes an effort to change in the future.

6. You are interdependent rather than codependent

Codependency refers to being overly dependent on another person. It is an unhelpful pattern that is common in relationships involving addiction, abuse, and severe mental illness. Codependent people are usually extreme caretakers who put others’ needs before their own. 

Interdependence involves having a close bond with your partner, while also maintaining a sense of yourself. Partners in interdependent relationships mutually depend on each other, but can also stand on their own. Healthy relationships are marked by interdependence, rather than codependence.

7. You can both take responsibility

Everyone makes mistakes from time to time; it’s part of being human. What matters most is taking responsibility for your actions when you have said or done something that hurts another person. This helps the person feel heard, which is necessary to be able to move on from conflict.

In a relationship, taking responsibility can be difficult because it requires you to put your pride aside. (This can be especially hard if you grew up in a family that never said “I’m sorry.”) But it’s important to mean it when you apologize. It’s also important that you commit to changing your behavior in the future. Saying that you’re sorry does not mean much if you keep repeating the same mistakes.

8. You treat each other with kindness

Kindness is an essential part of a healthy relationship. Psychologist and relationship expert John Gottman identified four behaviors that predict the likelihood of a relationship ending. And he referred to these behaviors as the “Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse”:

1. Stonewalling

2. Criticism

3. Defensiveness

4. Contempt

The last one, contempt, is the opposite of kindness. In Gottman’s model, contempt refers to treating your partner with disrespect. This may involve eye-rolling, extreme sarcasm, and name-calling. Of all the horsemen, contempt is the strongest predictor of divorce, according to Gottman. 

Kindness, on the other hand, involves showing:

• Concern

• Appreciation

• Compassion

• Giving

• Understanding

People in healthy relationships are kind to their partners and practice very little stonewalling, defensiveness, criticism, and contempt.

9. You can have difficult conversations

Relationships are tough work. Healthy couples understand that sometimes you have to talk about difficult topics. Avoiding these subjects can cause issues to fester. But directly confronting them allows you to proactively address things before they become a problem.

10. You are confident your partner likes you

When you are in a healthy relationship, you feel secure. You don’t find yourself questioning whether your partner wants to be with you. You and your partner do things to show that you value each other.

Keep in mind that sometimes a mental health issue, like obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD), can lead someone to question whether their partner likes them or not. If you have relationship OCD, it may help to work with a therapist to find ways to cope with your doubts. Often, these kinds of doubts are unfounded.

11. You honor your partner’s ‘love language’

Author and counselor Dr. Gary Chapman developed the concept of love languages. From his work as a marriage counselor, he learned that people give and receive love in different ways. He identified five different ways that people do this:

1. Words of affirmation

2. Gifts

3. Quality time

4. Acts of service

5. Physical touch

Healthy couples cater to their partner’s specific love language, even if it’s different from their own. This helps partners feel appreciated in a relationship.

12. You do not want to change your partner

Partners in healthy relationships accept each other as they are; they do not desire to change each other. There may be aspects of each other that they would prefer to be different. But they don’t seek to change these things unless it’s in support of their partner’s desire to change. 

Partners in healthy relationships understand that no one is perfect, and they respect the other person for who they are.

13. You enjoy each other’s company

Relationships allow us to share our lives with another person. So it’s key that you enjoy your partner’s company. 

Everyday may not be exciting. But, generally, healthy couples are happy to be with each other. Having shared hobbies and interests helps with this, since it gives partners the chance to share experiences they enjoy.  

What does it mean if your relationship lacks these signs?

If you don’t see the above signs in your relationship, then it may mean that it’s not as healthy as it could be. It could also mean that there are aspects of your relationship that may need to be addressed.

Signs of an unhealthy relationship include:

• Extreme codependency

• Lying or stealing

• Spying

• Attempts to exert control

• Threats of physical injury if the relationship is ended

• A lack of respect

• Name-calling or put-downs

• A disregard for boundaries

• Walking on eggshells

• Use of intimidation or manipulation

• Stalking

• Emotional or verbal abuse

• Physical violence

• Sexual abuse

This list is not exhaustive. If you’re not feeling right about your relationship, even if none of the above signs fit, you may be in an unhealthy relationship. 

How can you work toward a healthy relationship?

Relationships are a two-way street. Both partners need to put in work to form and maintain a healthy relationship. This work should be done both as a couple and on your own.

To work toward having a healthier relationship, you can:

• Identify your personal boundaries and express them to your partner

• Learn and practice healthy communication skills, like active listening

• Identify you and your partner’s love languages

• Take responsibility when you make a mistake

• Remain honest

If you and your partner are having trouble improving your relationship, couples therapy may be helpful. In couples therapy, partners meet together with a therapist and discuss their experiences in the relationship. 

There are many different approaches to couples therapy. But some common treatment goals are:

• Improving communication

• Being able to resolve disagreements more effectively

• Developing a secure attachment 

• Repairing hurts from the past

To locate a couples therapist, you can:

• Conduct an online search

• Ask family members or friends for recommendations

• Search the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy’s online directory

Why trust our experts?

Written by:

Emily Guarnotta, PsyD

Emily Guarnotta, PsyD, is a licensed clinical psychologist and certified perinatal mental health professional with over 10 years of clinical experience.

Edited by:

Renée Fabian, MA

Renée Fabian is the senior pet health editor at GoodRx. She’s worked for nearly 10 years as a journalist and editor across a wide range of health and well-being topics.

Reviewed by:

India B. Gomez, PhD

India B. Gomez, PhD, is a licensed clinical psychologist with a certificate in Latin American Family Therapy. She completed her doctoral education at the California School of Professional Psychology/Alliant International University.

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