11 Tips for a Better Sex Life, Backed by Science

A “good” sex life means something different for everyone. After all, when it comes to sex, we all like different things and have different feelings about sex, relationships, and attraction.

But even considering these differences, as many as 1 in 3 Americans aren’t satisfied with their sex lives. That’s because lots of things can get in the way, from relationships and life stress to medications and medical problems.

So, how do you know if your sex life needs improvement? Or where to start? 

What does it mean to have a good sex life?

A healthy sex life is different from person to person. But we all have this much in common: Good sex is about more than just avoiding problems. A healthy sex life is about feeling comfortable, safe, and respected, so that you can enjoy whatever sexual activities you choose to pursue. 

For many people, a good sex life often means:

• Being able to communicate and talk openly with your sexual partner(s)

• Being able to make your own decisions about sex

• Feeling happy and safe when it comes to sex

• Feeling like you’re able to express yourself authentically 

• Living in a community that accepts and supports your sexual decisions

Healthy sex includes your physical body too. This could mean:

• Having a dependable libido (sex drive)

• Being able to have and maintain a firm erection

• Being able to get lubricated (wet) during sexual activities

• Not being hindered by pain, disability, or physical problems

• Being able to have an orgasm

What things can affect my sex life?

Sex involves both your body and your mind. And because a healthy sex life depends on so many factors, there are a lot of things that can cause problems.

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Problems with sex can be caused by:

• Relationship problems

• Psychological or mental health issues

• Stressful or traumatic life experiences

• Physical problems with your genitals or pelvic area

• Medical problems

• Medications

• Normal life events, like pregnancy or menopause

• Sleep problems

• Drug and alcohol use

11 tips for a better sex life

When it comes to your sex life, some things are hard to change. This includes your relationships, the community you live in, and your past life experiences. But there are many things that you can control, especially the decisions you make in everyday life. 

Making small changes in your behavior can actually have a big impact on your sex life, both physically and mentally. Some healthy lifestyle choices can also have a positive effect on your overall quality of life, which can give your sex life an additional boost. 

Here are some changes you can make in your day-to-day life — and during sex — that can be good for your sex life.

1. Use a lubricant during sex

Vaginal lubricants and moisturizers can help with dryness and pain during sex. And they can make some types of sex more pleasurable. They can also make anal sex safer and more comfortable. 

2. Masturbate 

Masturbation, touching your own body for sexual pleasure, is a normal activity for all ages. It supports your sexual health by improving blood flow to your genitals and toning your pelvic floor muscles. It can also help you learn more about what you personally enjoy.

3. Try using a comfort or support device during sex

Positioners, spacers, and supports (links include explicit images) can all help you control your body’s position and movements during sex. These can be especially helpful for people who experience pain during sex or who have a disability (link includes explicit images). 

4. Practice yoga 

Only a few studies have been done so far on yoga and sexual health, but there’s some evidence that it can help with sexual functioning. In one small study, women aged 22 to 55 participated in a yoga camp for 12 weeks. The camp improved: 

• Desire

• Arousal

• Lubrication

• Orgasm

• Overall satisfaction

Several studies have shown that yoga can help with sexual concerns in women who have other medical problems.

5. Drink alcohol mindfully

Having a drink or two can make some people feel more interested in having sex. But heavier alcohol use (getting very drunk) can decrease blood flow to and sensation in your genitals. This can make it harder for you to get physically aroused or have an orgasm.

6. Cut down on smoking 

Tobacco use can reduce blood to flow to your genitals. This can make it harder for you to get sexually aroused, have an orgasm, or maintain an erection. Tobacco can also cause vaginal dryness, which can make sex difficult or painful. 

7. Nourish your body 

Eating a balanced diet rich in whole grains, fruits, and vegetables is good for your health, including your sexual health. There’s no evidence that any one single food is an aphrodisiac (a food that increases sexual desire). But eating a nutrient-rich diet can support healthy nerve function, blood flow, and hormone production — all of which play a role in sex and libido.

8. Get regular exercise 

There’s evidence that regular physical exercise can make it easier for you to get physically aroused and help you feel good about your body. Exercise may be especially helpful for sexual side effects caused by antidepressant medications. 

9. Practice mindfulness 

Mindfulness meditation, therapy, and other exercises can teach you to be “more present” in the moment, including while you’re having sex. There’s also evidence that mindfulness can help with sexual satisfaction.

10. Try aromatherapy 

Aromatherapy is the use of essential oils, usually either by inhaling them or applying them to the body. A 2017 meta-analysis found that aromatherapy significantly improved sexual function in menopausal women. It especially did so with neroli oil, lavender oil, or a combination oil with lavender, fennel, geranium, and rose. Consider using essential oils in a diffuser or as part of a sensual massage. Be careful when using them on your body: Some essential oils can cause skin irritation or other side effects. 

11. Get educated 

Learning about sex, and your body, is a great way to create the sex life you want. Some people enjoy online sex-education classes like OMGyes or Bodysex (link includes explicit images). In these classes, experts teach you about your body and help you explore new techniques and your sexuality. There are also great books and websites where you can learn about sex, like Planned Parenthood. 

When to talk to a professional

If you’re not getting the results you want, it might be worthwhile to get professional help. Consider talking to your primary care doctor or an OB-GYN. They can work with you to understand what’s causing your sexual challenges and figure out what types of treatments might be appropriate. 

Your provider can also discuss medication options that could help. These might include:

• Hormone-replacement therapy for perimenopausal and menopausal women

• Medications for low libido in women 

• Erectile dysfunction medications

In some cases, your provider might also refer you to a sexual health specialist. This person might be a sex therapist, pelvic floor physical therapist, or sexological bodyworker. These are licensed professionals who have specific training in human sexuality. They can provide more focused treatments. 

Why trust our experts?

Written by:

Sarah Gupta, MD

Sarah Gupta, MD, is a licensed physician with a special interest in mental health, sex and gender, eating disorders, and the human microbiome. She is currently board certified by the American Board of Psychiatry and Neurology.

Edited by:

Sophie Vergnaud, MD

Sophie Vergnaud, MD, is the Senior Medical Director for GoodRx Health. A pulmonologist and hospitalist, she practiced and taught clinical medicine at hospitals in London for a decade before entering a career in health education and technology.

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