How to Have a Better Orgasm, According to Science

An orgasm is an intense feeling of pleasure that happens during sexual activity — like masturbation or penetration. It’s sometimes considered the physical and emotional “peak” of sexual excitement. 

And when it comes to sex, orgasms are a natural and enjoyable part of life for many people. They can bring pleasure, help you feel relaxed and happy, and even help you feel more connected to your partner. 

It’s important to know that everyone’s bodies and experiences are unique. In other words, there’s no “right” way to have an orgasm. But if you’re curious about how to have an orgasm — either on your own or during sex — keep reading. We’ll give you some tips and tricks for making yourself orgasm, as well as how to have better or more frequent orgasms if that’s what you’re hoping for. 

Why do orgasms feel good?

It’s hard to say exactly why an orgasm feels so good. After all, they’re different for everyone. Here are some of the things you may experience:

• A rush of pleasure throughout your body

• Warmth or heat in your genitals or other parts of your body

• A surge of emotion

• Tingling or ticklish sensations

• An urge to call out or make noises

• Muscle contractions in your genital area

• Ejaculation

As part of an orgasm your body also releases endorphins, or “feel-good” hormones. These can make you feel relaxed and content after the orgasm. 

Are orgasms good for your health?

Possibly. There’s some evidence that sexual activity — and orgasm — could have health benefits. Safe, consensual sex may help you:

• Feel less anxious or depressed

• Sleep better

• Lower your blood pressure

• Lower your risk for heart disease

• Increase blood flow to your brain

How to make yourself orgasm

If you’ve never had an orgasm, you’re not alone. It’s also OK if you’re not interested in having an orgasm. But if you haven’t experienced an orgasm before — and you’d like to — here are six steps that may help you have one.

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1. Find some time and privacy

Start by setting aside some uninterrupted time in a private place. 

2. Give yourself permission

Tell yourself it’s OK to want to orgasm. Self-acceptance goes a long way when it comes to sex. Orgasm is a totally normal part of being human. Wanting to have one doesn’t mean you have a “dirty” mind. 

3. Get to know your body

The next step is to get to know your body. This might include looking at your genitals and touching them. If you haven’t had an orgasm before, it can be a good idea to do this on your own for a while, before you involve a partner. 

4. Figure out what feels good 

Start to figure out which places feel good to touch. In other words, try out masturbation (self-pleasure). Masturbating can help you pinpoint what your body responds to. And guess what? You’re in good company here. In a recent survey of 13,000 people around the world, about 4 out of 5 adults said they masturbate. 

5. Keep going, and don’t worry about the end result 

Now that you’ve found what feels good, keep going! Try to stay focused on how good it feels to touch yourself. Over time, you may notice yourself becoming more and more aroused — and even have an orgasm. 

6. Practice, practice, practice 

Don’t worry if you don’t have an orgasm the first time you try. Learning how to orgasm can take some time. 

How to have better orgasms, either by yourself or during sex

Are you wondering how to have a better orgasm, or how to have them more often? First, take the pressure off of yourself. Remember that an orgasm isn’t the only way to enjoy sexual pleasure. But if you’re looking for ways to make it easier to have an orgasm, here are some suggestions.

Continue to learn about your body and your orgasms

Understanding what makes you orgasm is a great way to encourage orgasms. Learn what you like. And ask for these things if you’re with a partner. 

Here’s how to go about learning more about your own sexuality in a “no-pressure” way:

• Try masturbating (touching yourself). This can help you understand what you like, and you can then incorporate that into your sex life. Masturbating during vaginal penetration can also help you orgasm.

• Learn from trusted resources. Look for books about sex that interest you, or check out online resources, like Planned Parenthood.

• Take a class. This can be on your own or with a partner. You can even take some classes from the comfort of your own home. Examples include OMGyes, Bodysex, and Climax.

• Use smartphone and tablet apps. These can help you learn about your body and orgasms. Some apps can even help you set and achieve personal goals in your sex life, like Rosy.

Make changes to your sex life

Sometimes, changing the way you think, talk, and go about having sex can make it easier to orgasm. There’s some evidence that thinking positive or having sexual thoughts can make it easier to have an orgasm. Using “sexy” sounds and body movements can also be helpful.

There’s also evidence that people are more likely to have frequent orgasms if they:

• Engage in “sexy talk” or “sexting”

• Wear lingerie

• Talk about or act out sexual fantasies

• Try new sex positions

• Ask for something they want during sex

• Combine different sex activities (like oral sex, sexual touching, and deep kissing)

• Have sex for a longer time (at least 15 minutes)

• Praise their partner for something they did in bed

• Talk about love during sex

Switching between sexual positions during sex can help, too — especially for women. Though there’s no sex position that’s “best” for female orgasm, it can be easier for some women to orgasm if they change positions and activities during sex. 

Experiment with tools

Another way to change things up and experiment with your body is to try using different tools: 

• Vibrators: These are sex toys that can help with sexual arousal or orgasm. They can be used during sexual activities, including vaginal sex and masturbation. Vibrators come in all shapes and sizes and are designed for all genders, body types, and abilities.

• Positioning tools: Finding a comfortable position can help you orgasm. Positioners and spacers can help you control your body’s position and movements during sex. These can be especially helpful for people who experience pain during sex or people who have a disability (link includes explicit images).

Try some lifestyle changes

Simple changes to your daily habits can improve the quality of your orgasms, too. Some things to consider:

• Cut down on alcohol and tobacco. Drinking 1 to 2 alcoholic drinks can interfere with arousal and orgasm. And tobacco decreases healthy blood flow to the genitals, making it harder to reach orgasm.

• Exercise regularly. Exercise reduces stress and improves your overall well-being — both of which can help with orgasm. And exercise may also help with sexual side effects of antidepressants.

• Invest in your pelvic health. The muscles that make up your pelvic floor are key to enjoying sex. Both weakness and tension in these muscles can affect your ability to feel aroused and reach climax in different ways. For some people, kegel exercises may help strengthen the pelvic floor. In other situations, practices to release pelvic floor tension may be needed. 

Are orgasms different for men and women?

Not really. From a physical point of view, orgasms are the same for both men and women. But in reality, orgasms can feel different for different people. For example:

• Some people have powerful, frequent orgasms. Other people might have gentler or less frequent orgasms. 

• Some people don’t have orgasms at all.

• Some people orgasm quickly and easily. Other people take a longer time to orgasm. 

• Some people (mostly men) can orgasm from penetration alone, while other people need a variety of sexual activities to orgasm. 

Your relationships and environment can also affect your orgasms. This can include your relationship with your partner, how you’re feeling physically and emotionally, and what’s going on in your day-to-day life. 

Is it common to have an orgasm during sex? 

It depends. Some groups of people have orgasms more often than others. A 2017 survey of over 50,000 U.S. adults compared how often people had an orgasm during partnered sex:

• Heterosexual men: 95% of the time 

• Gay men: 89% of the time

• Bisexual men: 88% of the time

• Lesbian women: 86% of the time

• Bisexual women: 66% of the time

• Heterosexual women: 65% of the time

Keep in mind that 4 out of 5 women aren’t able to have an orgasm with vaginal penetration alone, and over 1 in 10 women have never experienced an orgasm. 

Interested in learning more about orgasms and who’s having them? Head over to our GoodRx no-nonsense guide to orgasms. You’ll also find more info there about the different types of orgasms, as well as common problems you might encounter. 

What to do if you’re still having trouble orgasming

If you’ve tried all of these and you’re still having trouble with orgasm, consider reaching out to your healthcare professional. It’s possible that your orgasm problems are related to a medical issue, like diabetes, hormone changes, or heart disease. Medication side effects can cause problems, too. 

In some cases, it can also be helpful to talk with a mental health professional, like a psychiatrist or therapist. This can be especially helpful if you’re dealing with depression or anxiety, since both can interfere with your sex life. 

Some people also find it’s helpful to work directly with a sexual health specialist. These are professionals with special training in treating sexual problems, including problems with orgasm. Examples include:

• Sex therapist

• Pelvic floor therapist

• Sexological bodyworker

And finally, remember that orgasm is just one type of sexual experience. Even if you’re not able to have an orgasm, there are still many enjoyable ways that you can be sexually active.

Why trust our experts?

Written by:

Sarah Gupta, MD

Sarah Gupta, MD, is a licensed physician with a special interest in mental health, sex and gender, eating disorders, and the human microbiome. She is currently board certified by the American Board of Psychiatry and Neurology.

Edited by:

Sophie Vergnaud, MD

Sophie Vergnaud, MD, is the Senior Medical Director for GoodRx Health. A pulmonologist and hospitalist, she practiced and taught clinical medicine at hospitals in London for a decade before entering a career in health education and technology.

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