Emotional Intimacy: 8 Ways to Feel Closer in Relationships

You’ve probably heard the term “emotional intimacy” before. It's often used in the context of romantic and sexual relationships. But you can build healthy emotional intimacy in all kinds of relationships. 

Continue reading to find out how emotional intimacy is defined, what it looks like in real life, and how you can foster it in your most important relationships. 

What is emotional intimacy in a relationship?

The term “emotional intimacy” is used to refer to a feeling of mutual closeness between two people in a relationship. In emotionally intimate relationships, people feel safe and supported. They also feel like they can be their true selves without fear of criticism or judgment.

There are many ways to practice and express emotional intimacy. But researchers find that emotional intimacy most often exists in relationships in which both people feel they can:

• Talk about themselves and how they feel, including their worries or fears

• Give and receive support, especially during difficult times

• Share personal experiences without fear that the other person will repeat what’s been said

• Reveal what they consider to be personal flaws or shortcomings without worrying about what the other person might think

How to build emotional intimacy in a relationship 

If you want to build more emotional intimacy in any of your relationships, these eight tips are a helpful place to start.

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1. Spend quality time together

It might seem simple, but spending quality time together is a fundamental requirement for building emotional intimacy. It’s tough to build a connection with someone you don’t see or speak to very often. So, even if you’re busy, try to make time for each other and eliminate distractions as much as possible. 

You might not have several hours to spare for a date or outing. But see if you can squeeze in 30 minutes to chat over a cup of coffee. And try to keep the focus of the conversation on each other. 

2. Be curious about the other person

One of the best ways to improve your emotional intimacy in a relationship is to work on communication skills. Often, this means getting curious — as opposed to making assumptions — about the other person. 

Even if you’ve known each other for a long time, it’s safe to assume that there are still many things you can learn about each other. Making space to better understand why someone thinks, feels, or behaves the way they do can pave the way for more acceptance and understanding. 

3. Practice gratitude 

Everyone’s been frustrated, annoyed, or disappointed by a friend, family member, or romantic partner at some point. While those feelings are entirely valid, it’s important not to let them overshadow all the positive things about the person. 

When it feels right, try to recall what you appreciate about the person and express gratitude for all that they do. You can do this verbally or try leaving them a “thanks for being you” note. Be specific about what you appreciate or admire about them.

4. Deepen your emotional intelligence

Emotional intelligence involves having the ability to accurately identify and express your feelings. Fostering emotional intelligence can improve emotional intimacy in your relationships. Having a better understanding of your feelings makes it easier to communicate them to others (and vice versa). 

To begin, pause to identify how you’re feeling at various points throughout the day, whether you’re alone or with others. If you get stuck naming your feelings, an emotions chart can help. From there, begin trying to communicate your emotions to others using “I feel” statements.    

5. Have patience with yourself (and each other)

Building a deeper emotional connection with someone you care about isn’t always an easy task. Many of us were not brought up with clear examples of what healthy emotional intimacy looks like. 

So, as you set out to build emotional intimacy in your relationship, have patience with yourself and the other person. Know that you’ll both likely make mistakes along the way, but the payoff will be worth it in the long run. 

6. Laugh together

When it comes to building positive emotional connections, the saying “laughter is the best medicine” rings true. Finding opportunities to laugh with someone can boost closeness, especially before having challenging conversations. 

Studies show that humor can: 

• Bring people together

• Reduce stress

• Foster empathy

So find ways to laugh together without targeting each other. For example:

• Play a silly board game.

• Watch one of your favorite funny movies.

• Recall a humorous moment from the past.

7. Unplug and attune to each other

Have you ever seen two people staring at their phones while out together at a restaurant? Instead of engaging in conversation and making eye contact, they’re totally preoccupied with their screens. 

We’ve probably all been guilty of this from time to time. But this type of “tech interference” can be harmful to relationships. So remember to unplug sometimes and focus your attention on the people you care about. This is especially important during conflict resolution.

8. Talk to a professional

If you’re struggling with emotional intimacy in your relationship, sometimes it can help to talk to someone. Therapy may help in a number of ways. 

You and your partner could attend couples therapy to work on emotional intimacy. This involves a mental health professional helping you come together in a neutral space to work on improving your relationship dynamics.

Individual therapy may also help you develop emotional intimacy through the relationship you have with your therapist. The lessons from that can then be applied to your relationships outside of the therapy room.

To find a mental health professional, try searching an online directory like:

• GoodTherapy

• TherapyDen

• Psychology Today

• Inclusive Therapists

• InnoPsych (therapists of color)

• Open Path Psychotherapy Collective (low-cost therapy)

You can filter your search by location, gender, speciality, accepted insurance, and more.

What does healthy emotional intimacy look like?

Emotional intimacy can take many forms. For most people, it starts with a feeling of safety and closeness. But this doesn’t mean that emotionally intimate relationships are without conflict or challenges. 

Here’s what emotional intimacy in a relationship often looks like in real life:

• Engaging in shared hobbies or interests together or trying something new together: This helps create shared memories and experiences that strengthen your bond.

• Being honest about your deepest fears and insecurities: It might be easier to share the positive things you’re experiencing. But opening up about your worries and challenges will bring you closer together.

• Taking responsibility when you mess up: Whether it’s forgetting an important date, saying something insensitive, or failing to carry your share of the responsibility, it’s important to acknowledge your shortcomings. In addition to a heartfelt apology, show the other person that you want to do better in the future.

• Relying on each other for support: By prioritizing closeness and connection in the good times, you’ll be more equipped to support each other when things get tough. Show the other person that you’ll be there for them through life’s ups and downs.

• Enjoying consensual physical touch: Emotional intimacy has been shown to support greater sexual satisfaction in romantic partners. But a simple hug or just holding hands can signal emotional closeness as well.

Benefits of emotional intimacy

Because it is a key factor in building and sustaining close relationships, emotional intimacy has many benefits. Over the course of your life, feeling connected to others can support well-being on many fronts, including:

• Greater relationship satisfaction

• Enhanced sexual satisfaction (in romantic partnerships)

• Increased physical and mental well-being

• Longer life expectancy

• Reduced stress levels

Why trust our experts?

Written by:

Liz Talago, MEd

Liz Talago, MEd, is a mental health content writer and strategist whose work is infused with clinical expertise, behavioral science, and empathic storytelling. After spending years on the front lines of mental health care, Liz now partners with mission-driven organizations across the globe to create digital tools and experiences that enhance well-being.

Edited by:

Renée Fabian, MA

Renée Fabian is the senior pet health editor at GoodRx. She’s worked for nearly 10 years as a journalist and editor across a wide range of health and well-being topics.

Reviewed by:

India B. Gomez, PhD

India B. Gomez, PhD, is a licensed clinical psychologist with a certificate in Latin American Family Therapy. She completed her doctoral education at the California School of Professional Psychology/Alliant International University.

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