Telltale Signs You May be Experiencing Manipulation in Your Relationship

Manipulation is when another person tries to change how you think, behave, or feel by using dishonest or abusive tactics. It can show up in any type of relationship, including romantic ones. And the desired changes are usually in the other person’s best interest — not yours. 

Let’s take a closer look. 

What is a manipulative relationship?

A manipulative relationship is a relationship where your partner tries to influence or control you. They might use manipulation to try to make you act in a certain way, agree to something, or adopt a belief. Manipulation is a type of emotional abuse. 

This is different from a healthy relationship, where both partners respect and trust one another. Healthy relationships also have a balance of power, rather than one person having most of the power and control.

Remember: It can be hard to identify a manipulative relationship. In some cases, manipulation may be obvious. Other times, it’s hard to spot. And many times, the person being manipulated might not even realize that it’s happening. 

And unfortunately, manipulation often happens behind closed doors — which means it can be hard for other people, like your friends and family, to see what’s really going on.

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Signs of a manipulative relationship

When you’re in a manipulative relationship, your partner might lie to you, pressure you to do things, or try to break you down mentally. This can show up in many different ways, including: 

• Making you feel guilty 

• Showering you with “over the top” affection (love bombing)

• Lying to you about their activities or whereabouts

• Calling you names, criticizing you, or putting you down

• Using gaslighting to make you question yourself

• Demanding to make decisions on your behalf

• Controlling your money

• Forbidding you to see or speak to your friends and family

• Demanding access to your email, social media, and devices

• Threatening to hurt you, themselves, or others

• Pressuring you to do things you aren’t comfortable with

• Pushing you to use drugs or alcohol

• Using violence to make you think, behave, or feel a certain way

What are the best ways to address manipulation?

It depends. You might decide to try to work on the relationship. Or you might decide to end the relationship altogether. You may even begin trying to work on it and realize that your partner isn’t open to change and then decide to end it. 

Many people who are in abusive relationships feel stuck. They are unsure what the “right” thing to do is, and they feel frozen. If this sounds like you, here are some things that might help:

• Meeting with a therapist who specializes in relationship issues

• Speaking with a crisis counselor (more on this below)

• Attending a support group

Meeting with a therapist, crisis counselor, or support group is a good way to gain clarity so that you can make a decision. They may also be able to help you understand whether it’s safe to stay in the relationship or not. 

Can couples therapy help?

Possibly. Couples therapy may be an option if there’s some manipulative behavior in your relationship — but only if it’s not to the point of being abusive. 

If you are in an abusive relationship, couples therapy is not recommended. Therapy can’t be a safe space when abuse is present in a relationship. 

If you’re unsure whether couples therapy would be appropriate for your relationship, it can be a good idea to speak to a professional on your own first (without involving your partner). They can give you feedback on whether couples therapy could be helpful or harmful based on your specific situation.

How to get out of a manipulative relationship

For some people, deciding to end a manipulative relationship is the best choice. Special care needs to be taken when taking steps to end a relationship where there is manipulation and abuse. 

Speaking with a trained professional can be helpful when planning to get out of a manipulative relationship. A therapist or counselor can help you plan for how to end the relationship safely. The National Domestic Violence Hotline is one way to get free and confidential support. You can contact the hotline by calling 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or texting “START” to 88788.

When ending a manipulative relationship, consider the following:

• Identify a safe place to stay, whether it’s with a friend, family member, or a shelter.

• Create a safety plan.

• Take precautions to maintain safety while using the internet, email, and electronic devices.

• Contact your local family court for information on filing for a restraining order, if necessary.

• Keep any evidence of abuse, such as police reports and pictures, and bring it with you.

Ending an abusive relationship can be a difficult and dangerous process. Some people leave and return to the relationship several times before leaving for good. Whether you’re thinking about leaving or ready to leave, support is available to you. You do not have to go through it alone.

What resources are available to help deal with a manipulative relationship?

If you or someone you know is in a manipulative relationship, help is available. 

If you or a loved one are in immediate danger, contact 911. For additional support, you can contact:

• National Domestic Violence Hotline: The hotline is available 24/7 by phone, text, and chat. To get in touch, call 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or text “START” to 88788.

• National Sexual Assault Hotline: You can reach the hotline 24/7 by calling 1-800-656-HOPE (4673). 

• Love Is Respect: The organization offers information on relationships and support for those in unhealthy relationships. To reach Love Is Respect, call 1-866-331-9474 or text “LOVEIS” to 22522.

When you’re in an unhealthy relationship, it can be difficult to make the decision to leave. A mental health professional can provide support and help you move forward. To find a mental health provider or facility, contact your health insurance company or do an online search. 

You can also contact SAMHSA’s National Helpline at 1-800-662-HELP (4357) or search the directory.

Why trust our experts?

Written by:

Emily Guarnotta, PsyD

Emily Guarnotta, PsyD, is a licensed clinical psychologist and certified perinatal mental health professional with over 10 years of clinical experience.

Edited by:

Renée Fabian, MA

Renée Fabian is the senior pet health editor at GoodRx. She’s worked for nearly 10 years as a journalist and editor across a wide range of health and well-being topics.

Reviewed by:

Sarah Gupta, MD

Sarah Gupta, MD, is a licensed physician with a special interest in mental health, sex and gender, eating disorders, and the human microbiome. She is currently board certified by the American Board of Psychiatry and Neurology.

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