Can You Date Your Therapist? No, and Here’s Why
Key takeaways:
It’s normal to develop intimate feelings for your therapist. But a therapist dating their clients is unethical and, in many states, against the law.
If you develop a crush on your therapist, acknowledge your feelings and talk them over with your therapist. They can help you better understand the reasons why you feel the way you do.
Your counselor should never flirt with you, meet with you for coffee or a drink, or expect you to have physical contact with them. If they do, you have the right to end therapy and take action against them.
Table of contents
It’s normal to make a strong connection with your therapist. The relationship is built on trust and a certain degree of emotional intimacy. You may go so far as to become attracted to them or feel like you’ve fallen in love with your therapist. Believe it or not, this is normal, too.
But what’s not OK is your therapist becoming romantically involved with you. The code of ethics for psychologists, psychiatrists, and counselors makes it clear that this is unethical and, in some cases, illegal.
Read on to learn more about the therapist-client relationship. You’ll discover why you can’t date your therapist, how to handle a crush, and what to do if your counselor hits on you.
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Can you date your therapist?
No, therapists can’t date their clients. The organizations that set the ethical guidelines for therapists across the country address the issue head on in their professional guidelines.
American Psychological Association (APA)
According to the APA’s Code of Conduct, psychologists must not get involved sexually with a current patient and can’t offer counseling services to a former romantic partner. Their guidelines further state that the relationship between a client and a counselor should always remain professional.
American Counseling Association (ACA)
ACA membership includes a range of professional counselors, such as licensed marriage and family therapists (LMFT) and licensed clinical social workers (LCSW). The ACA’s Code of Ethics doesn’t allow counselors to get romantically or sexually involved with past or present clients, either in person or over the internet.
National Association of Social Workers (NASW)
Social workers can’t engage in sexual activity, either in person or via digital communications, with current or former clients, according to their Code of Ethics. They also can’t provide clinical services to a former romantic partner.
American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy (AAMFT)
AAMFT sets the ethical guidelines for marriage and family therapists. The AAMFT’s Code of Ethics states that sex with current or former clients is prohibited.
American Psychiatric Association (APA)
The APA’s Principles of Medical Ethics state that sex with a current or former patient is unethical. In addition, psychiatrists must maintain professional boundaries when they interact with patients online.
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Is it common for a client to develop feelings for their therapist?
Yes, many clients develop romantic feelings for their counselors. A good therapist will work hard to earn your trust and build rapport with you. This is an important part of the therapist-client relationship because a good relationship with your therapist can lead to better outcomes for you. It also feels good to have someone like a therapist listen to you and provide support, especially if you’re going through a hard time.
As your relationship with your counselor grows, you may begin to think about them romantically. You may fantasize about having sex with them or spending the weekend with them. Your feelings are normal, and you’re not the first person to feel this way toward a therapist.
However, your therapist should not act on your feelings. They shouldn’t ask you out or suggest a sexual relationship. This behavior goes against the code of ethics for therapists, counselors, psychologists, and psychiatrists.
What should you do if you have a crush on your therapist?
Remember that therapy is a safe space where you can be open and honest about your feelings. And chances are, you’re not the first person to crush on your counselor.
Here are some steps to work through your feelings:
Accept your feelings. It’s better to acknowledge your feelings than ignore them. It’ll give you a chance to better understand yourself and work through the situation. Remember, your feelings are OK, and there’s nothing to be ashamed of. It’s natural to develop intimate feelings toward your therapist.
Talk about your feelings. Even if it’s awkward, share your feelings with your counselor. If it makes you more comfortable, write them a letter or send them a message via your patient portal.
Listen to your counselor. Your counselor should validate your feelings and help you process them. Together, you may be able to uncover deeper reasons for your romantic feelings.
What can I do if my therapist comes on to me?
It’s not OK for your therapist to hit on you or make any kind of sexual advances. It’s not only unethical: In some states, it’s against the law.
To provide the best possible care for your mental health, your therapist must not take advantage of the client-therapist relationship. To do so can harm your treatment, worsen symptoms, and make it difficult to get the help you need.
You may take responsibility for their behavior, but it’s not your fault. Therapists are aware of the rules regarding sexual exploitation and are responsible for upholding the law and the ethical standards of their profession.
If you believe your counselor has behaved inappropriately, you can take action. Here are some options:
End counseling with the therapist immediately.
Find an advocate, such as a friend, therapist, or attorney, who can sort out what happened to you.
Notify the therapist’s supervisor, if they have one.
File a criminal complaint.
File a civil suit for damages.
Report the therapist to the state board.
Write a letter to the former therapist.
Go to group counseling for survivors of sexual exploitation.
Process what happened and take no further action.
Are there legal repercussions to dating your therapist?
Your therapist may face disciplinary action or lose their license if they become romantically involved with you. But depending on your state’s laws and your therapist’s license, it’s sometimes allowed if a certain length of time has passed.
For example, the American Psychological Association says a psychologist can’t date a client for at least 2 years after counseling has ended. And the ACA has a 5-year waiting period after therapy has ended.
Even then, a therapist must demonstrate that the relationship is not exploitative to avoid legal issues. But most therapists avoid getting involved with a former client altogether to uphold the spirit of their code of ethics.
The bottom line
Developing feelings for your therapist is normal. Your relationship is built on trust and safety, and this can sometimes lead to a desire for something more. But dating your therapist is not an option. Not only can it harm you and your therapy, but it can also cause legal consequences for your counselor.
If you develop a crush on your therapist, talk to them about it. They should be able to process your feelings within the scope of therapy and not take advantage of or act on them. If they do come on to you, whether or not you initiated things, you should end counseling and decide if you want to take legal action against the therapist.
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References
American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy. (n.d.). Code of ethics.
American Counseling Association. (2014). 2014 ACA code of ethics as approved by the ACA Governing Council.
American Psychiatric Association. (2013). The principles of medical ethics with annotations especially applicable to psychiatry 2013 edition.
American Psychological Association. (2017). Ethical principles of psychologists and code of conduct.
California Department of Consumer Affairs. (2011). Professional therapy never includes sex.
DeAngelis, T. (2019). Better relationships with patients lead to better outcomes. American Psychological Association.
Faber, S. C., et al. (2023). Abuse of power in the disciplinary actions of a state psychology licensing board: Inequitable outcomes and early career psychologists. Frontiers in Psychology.
Friedman, S. H., et al. (2019). Boundaries, professionalism, and malpractice in psychiatry. Focus.
Minnesota Department of Corrections. (1989). It's never O.K.: A handbook for professionals on sexual exploitation by counselors and therapists.
National Association of Social Workers. (n.d.). Social workers' ethical responsibilities to clients.
Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration. (2000). Therapeutic issues for counselors. Substance Abuse Treatment for Persons with Child Abuse and Neglect Issues.
For additional resources or to connect with mental health services in your area, call SAMHSA’s National Helpline at 1-800-662-4357. For immediate assistance, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 988, or text HOME to 741-741 to reach the Crisis Text Line.
