11 Ways to Manage Grief During the Holiday Season
Key takeaways:
It’s common to feel grief during the holiday season. The loss of a loved one can make the holidays feel more overwhelming than usual.
Honoring old traditions, starting new ones, and acknowledging your emotions are a few of the ways you can manage your grief.
You may want to work with a grief counselor if you’re feeling isolated and struggling with depression or anxiety.
Table of contents
Grief is a normal response to loss in our lives. It’s often associated with the death of a loved one. But it can also happen when we experience other losses, such as the end of a marriage or job.
Over the holidays, feelings related to grief, like sadness and anger, can intensify. Here, we’ll look at ways to manage those intense emotions, along with signs you may want to see a counselor.
How to deal with grief during the holidays
These strategies can help you cope with grief throughout the holidays.
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1. Set boundaries
When dealing with loss, you may not feel up to celebrating the holidays like you have in the past. It’s OK to say “no” to invitations or set time limits like, “I’ll stop by for a few minutes.” Do what feels right for you.
2. Check in with your emotions
There’s no right or wrong way to grieve. You may feel sad one moment and angry the next. Or you might feel happy one day and then guilty for feeling happy. Take time to acknowledge your emotions and try not to avoid them. A grief journal or support group can help.
3. Accept that holidays are hard
“Holidays are tough in the best of circumstances,” Gina Moffa, LCSW, author of “Moving On Doesn't Mean Letting Go: A Modern Guide to Navigating Loss,” told GoodRx Health.
Moffa offers this advice: “If we know that holidays can be messy and hard and stressful, and [we] manage our expectations of ourselves, we can better navigate without the pressure of making it other than what it is.”
4. Honor old traditions
Some traditions may be therapeutic, while others may bring you pain. Participate in the ones you can handle this year and take a break from the rest.
5. Start new traditions
A new tradition can honor your loved one while helping you heal. Consider the following ideas:
Bake your loved one’s favorite cookies or dessert for a holiday meal.
Kick off Christmas morning with their favorite holiday song.
Light a candle at the beginning of the holiday season.
Donate to a charity or buy a toy for a children’s program on your loved one’s behalf.
Ask family members and friends to jot down memories and drop them into a memory box.
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6. Do things that bring you joy
Take time to enjoy moments that ease your grief. Spend an evening admiring decorated homes or diving into a holiday book or movie. Remember, it’s OK to smile and experience moments of joy. Your loved one would want you to.
“We are still grieving even if we have fun,” said Moffa. “It doesn’t go away — it’s just on the sideline for a moment.”
7. Practice self-care
Self-care during the holidays can help you manage stress and sadness. “I always tell my clients to take it back to basics,” said Moffa. “Make sure you are drinking enough water, getting enough nourishment, and moving your body.”
Other ways to care for yourself include:
Taking a social media break
Making a scrapbook to remember your loved one
Planting a tree in their honor
Hosting a family game night
Journaling heartfelt memories
8. Get rest
Grieving can make you feel physically and mentally exhausted. Make sure you get plenty of sleep, prioritize your activities, and ask for help so you can rest.
9. Help those in need
“Volunteering can be a powerful way to remember that we are not alone and that humans do really need one another,” said Moffa.
She recommends participating in a charity walk or fundraiser that feels important to you or connects you to your loved one. “This can be a great and simple start to creating a tradition that honors your loved one and gives you a sense of purpose.”
10. Be flexible
Having rigid expectations for yourself can be stressful. Instead, come up with multiple plans to handle events and activities. For example, if you’re traveling, Plan A might be to stay the entire weekend. Plan B may be to stay for one night. And Plan C might be to stay for half the day before returning home. Let your emotions and energy levels dictate what you can manage.
11. Surround yourself with support
“Surrounding ourselves with people who get us, who we trust, and with whom we can be our most authentic selves is how we can best stay connected when we are feeling overwhelmed,
fragile, and exhausted,” said Moffa.
Why is grief harder during the holidays?
Holidays are filled with constant reminders of our loss. There might be an empty seat at the table or an empty stocking above the fireplace. You might be surrounded by people celebrating while you’re hurting inside.
“What is striking about the holidays for a griever is that with all of the pressure for meaning and happy moments and cheer, it also points out everything we don’t have,” said Moffa.
Feelings of loneliness and emptiness may overcome you. If so, you may want to talk to a grief counselor or seek out a support group.
When to seek help for grief counseling
“We should consider seeking professional support when we feel overwhelmed, alone, misunderstood, or simply unable to find a way to take a step forward,” said Moffa.
Meet with a grief counselor if you’re experiencing any of the following:
You’re isolating yourself.
Your emotions are becoming harder to manage.
You feel more and more depressed and/or anxious.
You compare your grief experience to that of others and fear you’re “stuck” or not moving forward.
You feel guilty or find yourself ruminating on “what ifs” or “should haves.”
You don’t feel supported by the people around you.
Grief support and resources
It’s good to remind yourself that you’re not alone. Learning more about how others handle grief may help you process your loss. Check out these resources and groups for extra support:
The bottom line
Grieving during the holidays can be hard. The season can remind you of your loss and trigger additional feelings of sadness or stress. To get through this time of year, try to surround yourself with a strong support system and be flexible with your time. Make sure you get plenty of rest and give yourself permission to say “no” to invitations.
You may want to meet with a grief counselor if you feel like you’re isolating yourself or your emotions are getting harder to manage. There are also online grief support groups where you can find others who are also dealing with loss. With support and self-care, you can make it through the holidays while grieving a loss.
Why trust our experts?
References
American Psychological Association (n.d.). Grief.
Children’s Hospital of Orange County. (2023). Coping with grief during the holidays.
James Madison University. (n.d.). About emotions.
National Institute of Mental Health. (2022). Caring for your mental health.
Shear, M. K. (2015). Managing difficult times. Columbia Center for Complicated Grief.
U.S. Department of Veterans Affairs. (2022). Coping with grief in a season of joy.
For additional resources or to connect with mental health services in your area, call SAMHSA’s National Helpline at 1-800-662-4357. For immediate assistance, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 988, or text HOME to 741-741 to reach the Crisis Text Line.
