Key takeaways:
A good therapist will use their education and experience to make you feel comfortable and help you accomplish your goals.
A good therapist is a good listener. They’re also nonjudgmental, respectful, reliable, and trustworthy.
You can expect a good therapist to be invested in your progress and readily accept feedback and suggestions to enhance the therapeutic experience.
If you’ve made the decision to start therapy, you’ll want to be sure you have a therapist who’s a good match. Not only should they be a skilled clinician, but they should also have a presence and demeanor that fits with your personality.
You’ll expect them to listen to your symptoms, problems, and goals before providing assistance. They will have many qualities of a trusted friend with the addition of dependable and proven therapeutic techniques to treat your symptoms. Or maybe attentive listening will be all you need.
Every therapist is different, and it might take some trial and error to find one who is a good fit. Here’s how you can tell you’ve found the right one.
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What are the signs that my therapist is a good fit for me?
Though therapists differ in their education, experience, and style of treatment, good therapists usually have a consistent set of skills. Many of them have the following characteristics.
1. They’re a good listener
A good therapist will be a good listener. They will listen to what you say and pay attention to your nonverbal communication to gather more information.
Without the ability to hear your story and understand your situation, a therapist will struggle to help you. Great therapists will often check in to make sure they understand your experience.
2. They’re accepting and nonjudgmental
You should always feel like your therapist is nonjudgmental and accepting of you. This does not mean they have to accept all your decisions or won’t point out ways you can grow. But it does mean you’ll still feel cared for and supported even when they disagree or respectfully challenge you.
3. They’re trustworthy
Your therapist should inspire a level of trust and confidence. After all, you are telling them sensitive information that may make you feel uncomfortable or vulnerable.
A good therapist should keep what you talk about private, except in the cases where they’re legally required to break confidentiality, such as:
Telling your therapist you have imminent plans to kill yourself
Indicating that you have serious intent to harm someone else
Reporting information about child, dependent adult, or older adult abuse
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4. They’re reliable
Good therapists will be reliable, consistent, and predictable. Even the best therapists are unhelpful if they frequently cancel, reschedule, or miss appointments.
They will understand the challenges of being a client and respect your efforts by scheduling regular appointments, being on time, and focusing on your treatment. And when they need to make changes or might be late, they’ll let you know ahead of time.
5. They’re respectful
Great therapists will appreciate your time, vulnerability, and commitment to therapy. They will respect your point of view, culture, and goals for treatment. They’ll offer empathy to assist with your concerns.
A therapist may show respect by spending time helping you understand your condition and the path toward improvement. At the same time, they will recognize and respect the power differential in the relationship and act ethically.
6. They have the skills to help you
Good therapists are kind, friendly, and caring. But they also have the skills to help improve your symptoms. A competent therapist has the knowledge and skills to deliver treatment effectively.
Feel free to ask your therapist about their areas of education and training. The best therapists will recognize areas outside their expertise and provide a referral.
7. They’re always learning
A helpful therapist is always learning. They have a strong desire to know more mental health and more about your symptoms and background.
Therapists must complete continuing education each year to keep their license in good standing. But great therapists may also do the following to expand their learning:
Read the latest research about mental health
Consult with colleagues as needed
Get professional supervision to increase their clinical skills
Practice cultural competency and humility to better support clients
8. They’re open to your feedback
A good therapist will see therapy as a collaboration between the client and the therapist. This includes setting goals together and regularly checking in with you to see how you’re feeling about therapy.
By actively seeking regular feedback about your experience, therapists can gauge your progress and adjust future treatment. Being open to their feedback can help you get the most out of treatment as well as learn how to communicate within your relationships.
9. They’re invested in your progress
Being invested in your treatment and your progress are signs of a good therapist. They work with you each session to give you the tools to live a more fulfilling life.
Additionally, good therapists will notice the times that you aren't doing well. Rather than ignoring, denying, or continuing with unhelpful techniques, they will shift their practice and reorganize their strategies to problem-solve in sessions.
What questions should I ask a therapist to see if they are a good fit for me?
Whether you are looking for another therapist or trying therapy for the first time, it’s best to ask a lot of questions. It can save you time and frustration.
To help decide if a therapist is a good fit for you, ask them:
What is your education and experience?
What is your approach to therapy?
How do you work with clients from different cultures?
What should I expect during a session?
How long should I expect to be in therapy?
How much do you charge for each session?
Do you accept insurance or offer a sliding scale?
What will you ask me to do between sessions?
What if I’m not happy with my progress?
You’re never under contract or stuck with a therapist. If a therapy trial did not live up to your expectations, have a conversation with your therapist to consider alternatives. It could be time to give someone else a try or change how you and your therapist are working together.
The bottom line
Through a combination of their skills, actions, and personality traits, a good therapist will help you achieve your treatment goals. Good therapists will show high ethical standards by being trustworthy, respectful, and reliable. Their knowledge, clinical skills, and continuing education give them the ability to provide proven interventions to address your needs.
Since not all therapists are equal, do your best to look for a therapist who displays these traits. It may take some trial and error until you find a provider who’s the right fit.
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References
American Counseling Association. (2014). 2014 ACA code of ethics.
Barnett, J. E., et al. (n.d.). Confidentiality and its exceptions. Society for the Advancement of Psychotherapy.
Bergman, H., et al. (2018). Client feedback in psychological therapy for children and adolescents with mental health problems. Cochrane Database of Systematic Reviews.
Gabbard, G. O. (2005). Patient-therapist boundary issues. Psychiatric Times.
Gibson, S. (2004). On judgment and judgmentalism: How counselling can make people better. British Medical Journal.
Kohrt, B. A., et al. (2015). Therapist competence in global mental health: Development of the ENhancing Assessment of Common Therapeutic factors (ENACT) rating scale. Behavior Research and Therapy.
Lambert, M. J. (n.d.). Top 10 things learned after two decades of tracking client treatment progress. Society for the Advancement of Psychotherapy.
Mental Health Chicago. (n.d.). Common questions about mental health.
Shallcross, L. (2012). The recipe for truly great counseling. Counseling Today.
Smith, D. (2003). 10 ways practitioners can avoid frequent ethical pitfalls. American Psychological Association.
Stubbe, D. E. (2020). Practicing cultural competence and cultural humility in the care of diverse patients. Focus.
Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration. (2014). Improving cultural competence.
University of Pittsburgh Medical Center. (2021). Changing therapists: When your therapist isn’t a match.
