Is Your Therapist Always Late? Here’s What You Should Know
Key takeaways:
It's reasonable to feel frustrated if your therapist is consistently late to your appointments without explanation.
If this happens, have an honest talk with your therapist about how their lateness affects you.
If the situation doesn't improve, consider how much your therapist’s lateness impacts your treatment. You may find a certain amount of lateness doesn’t bother you. Or you may need to find a new therapist who’s a better fit.
Therapy sessions are an important investment of time and energy for many people. They can also be a considerable financial investment. So it makes sense that a therapist being late can disrupt the therapeutic process or relationship and bring up negative feelings for some clients.
Of course, occasional lateness is understandable. Like you, your therapist is human. But a pattern of significant and frequent lateness is something that may warrant a conversation.
Is it OK to feel bothered if my therapist is always late?
It’s absolutely OK to feel bothered if your therapist is always late. Whether you are meeting with them in person or remotely, the time is scheduled and set aside for you. It is understandable that you would want your therapist to be ready for you at the agreed-upon start time.
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Occasionally running late is something that can happen to both clients and therapists. Most of us are juggling very busy schedules and things happen. Therapists may also be dealing with situations that impact their ability to show up exactly on the dot, including:
Dealing with personal life stressors
Attending to an emergency with another client
Being overbooked, especially if your they work in a clinic setting
Working in a setting where therapists doesn’t control their schedule
But if your therapist is consistently late, it’s OK to speak up. Communication is key.
It’s also important to note that your therapist is responsible for keeping your sessions running on schedule. It’s a therapist’s responsibility to start and stop sessions on time, since this is part of how they maintain boundaries in a therapeutic setting.
If your therapist is late to an appointment, you can generally expect them to make up the lost time. They may offer to either extend the session if possible, or offer an alternative that works with your schedule.
Can you ask your therapist why they’re late all the time?
Yes, you can address consistent lateness with your therapist. A good therapist-client relationship is built on open communication and trust.
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Your therapist should strive to make you feel validated for bringing up concerns as needed. So, if their lateness becomes a problem, explain how it’s impacting your sessions. Ask to have a conversation about what might be going on, so you create a solution that works for both of you.
Perhaps there are circumstances you're unaware of, like a scheduling or transportation issue. If something that is causing a consistent problem, there might be a simple solution. For example, maybe you can suggest starting your meetings 15 to 30 minutes later so that you can both be on time.
One way to approach this might be to say, “I’ve noticed our sessions typically start at 3:15PM instead of 3PM. Does 3PM still work for you as our start time?”
Keep in mind that different degrees of lateness impact the client-therapist relationship in different ways. If your therapist is consistently late by a significant amount of time — like 20 to 30 minutes late — that’s likely to be more disruptive to your therapy.
What should you do if your therapist is consistently late?
If you’re concerned about punctuality or any other aspect of your therapy, talk to your therapist. Plan to have an open and honest conversation, and let them know how their consistent lateness impacts your therapeutic relationship.
Assume positive intent
If your therapist has been late a few times, it’s OK to ask them about it. You can voice your concerns while assuming positive intent.
Brainstorm solutions together
If your therapist is often very late and it impacts the time you have in your session, ask if you can brainstorm solutions together. There may be a simple solution to the scheduling problem. You could also suggest another time that works for you as an alternative. Asking to find a solution is a healthy way of managing how you are feeling.
Describe the impact
Keep in mind that lateness isn’t just a scheduling problem. It is possible that the lateness could exacerbate things that you may already be working on in therapy. For instance, perhaps you’re in therapy because you:
Feel afraid to speak up about your own needs
Want to work on assertive communication
Have trouble setting boundaries
In this case, it may be more difficult to discuss the impact of starting sessions late with your therapist. But by talking about it, you may get the opportunity to practice communicating your needs.
Ask for what you need
After you’ve let your therapist know how their ongoing lateness affects you, ask about ways to manage the situation. You can also ask for help dealing with the thoughts and feelings that their lateness triggers for you. Let them know if you feel vulnerable or uncomfortable in having to ask for support when it comes to your session time.
How do you initiate this conversation with your therapist?
If you're struggling with how to talk to your therapist about this issue, here are some tips that can help:
Try to be clear about your thoughts and feelings when you approach your therapist.
Let your therapist know in advance that you have something you would like to discuss.
Breathe deeply while you’re talking to your therapist to help you stay calm.
Acknowledge yourself for speaking up and taking care of your own needs.
Remember that it’s OK to advocate for yourself, and most therapists want to be responsive to client feedback.
If you bring up your concerns and you feel dismissed, this could be a red flag that your therapist is not the best person for you. Your therapist should make you feel safe, heard, and comfortable overall. If you don’t feel respected, it is OK to change therapists.
The bottom line
While occasional lateness happens to everyone and is understandable, a pattern of chronic lateness from your therapist could indicate a problem. If this happens, discuss your feelings and needs with your therapist and give them a chance to offer solutions. Respectfully express your concerns, and let your therapist know how their lateness makes you feel.
Remember, ultimately it’s your therapist’s responsibility to ensure your sessions start and end on time. And by having a conversation about lateness, you and your therapist can find a solution that works for both of you.
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References
American Psychological Association. (2014). Practitioner pointer: How to handle late and missed appointments. PracticUpdate.
Avasthi, A., et al. (2022). Ethical and legal issues in psychotherapy. Indian Journal of Psychiatry.
Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration. (2023). Find support: How to ask for help.
For additional resources or to connect with mental health services in your area, call SAMHSA’s National Helpline at 1-800-662-4357. For immediate assistance, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 988, or text HOME to 741-741 to reach the Crisis Text Line.
