Is It Weird or Wrong to Have a Crush on Your Therapist?

Therapy is a special relationship where a client is vulnerable and shares deeply personal aspects of themselves. The therapist typically responds with warmth, validation, and empathy. 

Therapy could be the first time that some clients have experienced such a caring and supportive relationship. Because of this, it is normal for some clients to develop romantic feelings toward their therapists. 

We’ll explain why you might develop a crush on your therapist and what to do if this happens to you.

Why do people fall in love with their therapists?

Therapists use techniques like empathy, active listening, and validation. For clients who are going through a difficult time, having another person listen to them and provide support can feel really good. In some cases, this could lead to an attraction or crush. 

The therapeutic relationship, or the relationship between a client and a therapist, is an important — if not the most important — part of therapy. Studies have found that good therapist-client relationships are associated with better outcomes for clients. Therapists work hard to develop a strong rapport early in treatment so that their clients can get the most out of therapy.

As a result, clients may find themselves thinking about their therapists romantically. They may wonder what it would be like to be in a relationship with them or wonder if their therapist is married. Sexual attraction is also normal. Clients may find themselves fantasizing about having sex with their therapists or have dreams where this happens.

There is nothing wrong with having romantic or sexual feelings toward your therapist. You cannot help how you feel. Your therapist has likely encountered this before. They are there to help you work through these feelings while maintaining the boundaries of the therapeutic relationship. 

But remember, your therapist should never start a romantic or sexual relationship with you. This is unethical and, in many states, illegal.

What should you do if you have a crush on your therapist?

Having a crush on your therapist is completely normal. Rather than being ashamed, it is an opportunity to acknowledge and work through uncomfortable feelings. It can feel awkward, but therapy is a safe, non-judgemental space. It is your therapist’s job to help you explore any and all feelings that you have while maintaining the boundaries of the therapeutic relationship. 

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Here are four ways to respond to having a crush on your therapist.

1. Acknowledge your feelings

It can be difficult to admit that you have a crush on your therapist. But acknowledging these feelings is important. If you ignore them, they may affect your behavior and how you interact with your therapist. The feelings may even get more intense, which could also interfere with your therapy. 

Acknowledging your romantic feelings can help you better understand yourself and give you a chance to work through them.

2. Know that your feelings are OK

If you have romantic feelings toward your therapist, you may feel embarrassed or ashamed. But these feelings are normal. As humans, we can’t always help how we feel. Having these feelings does not mean that you have done anything wrong.

It can be helpful to remind yourself that:

• Having a crush on your therapist is normal.

• You are not “bad” for having these feelings.

• Therapy is a safe space for you to talk about any and all feelings.

3. Try to understand where your feelings come from

It can help to reflect on your romantic feelings toward your therapist. You could even write about them in a journal. This can help you better understand yourself. It could be that you just find your therapist attractive, or perhaps there are deeper roots to your attraction. 

To further explore and reflect on your romantic feelings, ask yourself the following questions:

• What do I like about my therapist?

• Does my therapist remind me of someone from my past?

• Am I getting something from my relationship with my therapist that I did not receive in my past relationships?

4. Talk to your therapist about the situation

Even though it can be awkward, talking to your therapist about your attraction to them can be helpful for you. Remember, therapy should be a safe space to explore anything that is on your mind. It is your therapist’s job to help you work through uncomfortable emotions.

You can share your feelings toward your therapist with them directly in your session. You could also write them a letter or journal and give it to them, if that is more comfortable for you. 

Your therapist should help you explore these feelings further. You might uncover deeper meaning that you were not aware of. Your therapist should also validate that these feelings are normal and not judge you for them. 

What NOT to do if you have a crush on your therapist

Talking to your therapist about your romantic feelings toward them can help you process what you are feeling. However, there are also some things you should avoid doing. 

Do not:

• Judge yourself

• Expect your therapist to reciprocate your feelings

• Overstep your therapist’s boundaries

• Stop therapy without first talking with your therapist

Therapists are forbidden from having sexual or romantic relationships with their clients, or for taking on clients that they have had a previous sexual or romantic relationship with. If a therapist crosses these lines, they can cause serious harm to the client. They can also lose their license and face legal consequences.

Because of the dangers of having inappropriate relationships with clients, a good therapist will never reciprocate your feelings. Therapists do experience attraction toward their clients at times because they are also human. 

However, ethical therapists will never act on those feelings or have unclear boundaries. If a therapist’s feelings ever interfere with their capacity to provide ethical treatment, they should take appropriate action to uphold their legal and ethical obligations to clients.

If you do have a therapist who is romantically or sexually inappropriate with you, you have the right to report this to your state’s licensing board. There is never any place for sex in therapy. 

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Written by:

Emily Guarnotta, PsyD

Emily Guarnotta, PsyD, is a licensed clinical psychologist and certified perinatal mental health professional with over 10 years of clinical experience.

Edited by:

Renée Fabian, MA

Renée Fabian is the senior pet health editor at GoodRx. She’s worked for nearly 10 years as a journalist and editor across a wide range of health and well-being topics.

Reviewed by:

India B. Gomez, PhD

India B. Gomez, PhD, is a licensed clinical psychologist with a certificate in Latin American Family Therapy. She completed her doctoral education at the California School of Professional Psychology/Alliant International University.

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