Can Sex Relieve Stress? Yes, and Here’s How to Make Your Sex Life Work for You

From scheduling hacks to mindfulness apps, many people are looking for new and efficient ways to manage the stressors of modern life. But what about a stress-relieving activity that’s as old as life itself? We take a look at what science has to say about the health benefits of sex — stress relief and beyond. 

Does sex relieve stress?

The short answer is yes. According to Jennifer Levy, a psychotherapist in private practice and certified sex therapist at Northwestern Medicine’s Center for Sexual Medicine and Menopause, “There are many benefits to engaging in sexual activity with yourself or with a partner.” 

Let’s look at the potential for sex to help relieve stress. And how this may have benefits for your physical, mental, and emotional health. 

Heart rate and blood pressure

First off, sex can jumpstart your cardiovascular system. “Sex is good exercise,” said Levy, pointing out the physical effects of sex on your heart and blood vessels. 

Sex won’t replace your workout. But it does give your heart rate a temporary boost. A younger or middle-age person will use about the same amount of energy during sex as they would climbing two flights of stairs. And over time, cardio exercise — the kind that increases heart rate — helps your heart work better.

Those changes in heart rate and blood pressure may be a challenge for some people who have chronic health conditions. Talk to your healthcare professional if you have concerns about sex and cardiovascular health — especially if you have angina or very high blood pressure. Pay attention to symptoms like chest pain, shortness of breath, and dizziness during and after sex.

Body chemistry

Sex helps to decrease hormones like adrenaline and cortisol that run too high for too long when you’re stressed. Sex also helps to boost endorphins and other chemical messengers that help with relaxation and pain relief. 

For example, oxytocin is a hormone that’s released during sex. It helps to improve your sense of well-being and makes you feel closer to other people. It may also have other effects on your brain and body, which help you cope in times of stress.

Better sleep

There’s a two-way connection between stress and sleep. Stress can have a negative impact on the quality of your sleep. And if you aren’t getting enough quality sleep, you’re more prone to stress.

But it turns out the physical effects of sex can help to improve sleep when certain hormones are released. In particular,  “feel-good” messengers like endorphins and oxytocin can boost your sleep quality.

Emotional closeness

Levy pointed out that sex with an intimate partner often brings you closer — even when tension or minor conflicts between you are a source of your stress. 

But if you don’t have a partner, there’s still an opportunity for connection. “Casual sex can be playful and help to break down inhibitions,” said Levy. And unpartnered sex can provide a deeper connection with parts of yourself. “Solo sex can ease tension and stress, and result in a deep state of relaxation,” she said. She also pointed out that there’s much less pressure to perform or fulfill certain expectations during solo sex.

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Can stress affect your sex life?

So, sex has benefits when it comes to stress relief. But what if stress itself is affecting your sexual interest, performance, or enjoyment?

“Stress is a libido killer,” said Levy. And lower sexual desire can create tension between partners. Levy explained that when stress affects a person’s interest in sex, it’s common for them to want to just get it over with quickly. But that can lead to more relationship stresses, or even resentment. 

“There are stages of life that are more stressful than others,” said Levy. Even times that are happy or exciting can result in challenges for your sex life. For example:

• Moving in together or getting married: “This is a significant transition for a relationship,” said Levy. And she pointed out that the stress of this major relationship adjustment can disrupt intimacy. It can also pose a challenge to the excitement that comes with dating.

• Having children: Parenting presents many joyful moments. But having children can also stress a relationship. When it comes to sex, Levy acknowledged, “There’s nothing as powerful as a child to put a wedge between partners as they adjust to becoming a family.”

• Career advancement: Job changes are always stressful. But they can also disrupt your usual schedule, which Levy pointed out can add even more stress to a relationship.

Does sex have other health benefits?

Managing stress is good for your health. So if sex helps with stress, this may lead to more benefits over time. But sex may also have some direct effects on your physical and emotional health:

• Better immune function: Some studies suggest that more frequent sex may increase levels of certain immune cells and proteins.

• Decreased social anxiety: Sexual experiences that are pleasurable and intimate may help people who feel anxious in social situations.

• Brain health: Sex may improve thinking and memory in older adults.

• Pain relief: Sex releases endorphins, which are natural pain relievers. One study of people with migraines found that sex improved their headaches.

• Prostate health: Sex may decrease the risk of prostate cancer. There are many factors that contribute to the risk for any type of cancer. But there’s some evidence that men who ejaculate more often may have a slightly lower risk of prostate cancer.

• Pelvic floor and vaginal lubrication: Sex is a workout for your pelvic muscles. And the increased blood flow helps with vaginal lubrication. 

How often should you have sex?

Sex can be good for your health — for stress relief and otherwise. But does that mean there’s a certain amount of sex you should have? Or that sex is the only way to get these health benefits?

A healthy sex life looks different for everyone. Sex drives vary among people. And for an individual, libido can change with time and circumstances. 

There are many ways to relieve stress. And there are many ways to keep your body, mind, and emotions healthy. Sex is just one aspect of that. How often you have sex — or whether you have sex at all — is an individual decision that requires respect.

Healthy sex includes caring for your own body and emotions. And it also includes caring for those of your sexual partner. Healthy, respectful sex includes:

• Communication and consent

• Sex that is positive, pleasurable, and safe

• No coercion or violence

• Minimizing the risk of sexually transmitted infection (STI) and unintended pregnancy

• Respecting boundaries, needs, and values

Sex can be one way to cope with stressful situations or difficult times in life. It can help to relieve physical stress and maintain a connection to yourself or a partner.

But there are times when any coping mechanism can become harmful. Levy said that sex can be a maladaptive way to deal with stress when it:

• Is distracting or disruptive

• Interferes with daily functioning

• Goes outside of a committed, monogamous relationship for sexual encounters

There may also be times when sex becomes a way to escape from difficult emotions. This might work as a short-term strategy, but not in the long run. So when it comes to sex as a way to cope with stress, more isn’t always better.

What if you no longer enjoy sex?

Bodies change. Life brings new responsibilities. Relationships have their challenges. There are all kinds of reasons why you may feel like sex itself is a source of stress, instead of a way to relieve it. If sex is a source of tension for you or for your relationship, here are a few ideas that may help.

Body language

What is your body — or your partner’s body — trying to tell you? Bodies don’t function in the same way for a whole lifetime. That goes for sex as well.

Common physical factors that may affect your sex life include:

• Changes that happen with age

• Challenges having or maintaining an erection

• Symptoms of menopause and perimenopause

• Pregnancy and postpartum changes

• Phases of the menstrual cycle

• Chronic health conditions and medications

When it comes to physical conditions that affect your sex life, talking to your primary care provider is a great place to start. At first, it may feel uncomfortable to bring up sex. But your sex life is part of your health and well-being. Your primary care provider can help you explore options to keep that part of your life in good shape.

There may be times when it helps to make adjustments for your body or your partner’s. That might include redefining what sex is — even if it’s just for a while. “Any erotic touch — anything considered foreplay — is actually sex,” said Levy. She added that it can be important and eye-opening to broaden the definition of sex to include more than intercourse and orgasm. 

Desire discrepancy

Having higher or lower libido isn’t a problem in itself. But sex can become a stressor when partners have different levels of desire. It can also be stressful if there’s been a change on one side or the other.

“Communication is the most important thing a couple can do when navigating their sexual relationship,” said Levy. “Desire discrepancy is one of the most common issues couples struggle with — and a primary reason couples seek sex therapy,” she added.

Levy suggested that it can help to find a middle ground in this desire discrepancy. Discovering ways to be physically intimate may be the key to connection for some couples. For others, it’s an emotional connection that needs attention first. 

Couples counseling or sex therapy can help couples navigate challenges in their sex life. Another strategy is to simply schedule time and space for intimacy.

“When life gets busy and responsibilities build, sex often gets pushed to the back burner,” said Levy. Scheduling time together might not seem spontaneous or sexy. But “the result is a sexual encounter you can anticipate. That enhances desire,” she explained. 

Levy also suggested:

• Increasing affectionate touch: Cuddle up before bedtime or while watching a movie on the couch. Add a romantic touch to daily activities by lighting candles for dinner or planning special dates. Consider giving each other massages, foot rubs, or enjoying a bath or shower together.

• Trying new things: Watching or reading sexy or romantic stories together can help enhance desire. Or consider planning a staycation. Just one night in a nearby hotel can feel like a week-long getaway.

• Considering a toy: Experimenting during sex can help you find new things that your body enjoys. For example, try wearing something that boosts your sexy confidence or adding a toy to the mix.

Levy said that her clients often find books to be helpful. Below are some of the ones she recommends:

• “Better Sex Through Mindfulness” by Lorri Brotto, PhD

• “Come as You Are” by Emily Nagoski, PhD

• “Rekindling Desire” by Barry McCarthy

• “A Tired Woman’s Guide to Passionate Sex” by Laurie Mintz, PhD

Why trust our experts?

Written by:

Anne Jacobson, MD, MPH

Anne Jacobson, MD, MPH has been a board-certified family physician since 1999. She worked as a full-scope family physician (inpatient, outpatient, obstetrics, and office procedures) in the Cook County Ambulatory Health Network for 15 years.

Edited by:

Katie E. Golden, MD

Katie E. Golden, MD, is a board-certified emergency medicine physician and a medical editor at GoodRx.

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