Having a Sexual Awakening at 70, Even After Joint Surgeries
Key takeaways:
After being sexually repressed for decades, Lynn Brown Rosenberg embraced a vibrant approach to sexual health later in life.
Osteoarthritis and surgeries haven’t stopped Lynn from enjoying a satisfying sex life.
Lynn is the author of the memoir “My Sexual Awakening at 70.”
Growing older doesn’t mean the end of a rewarding sex life. In fact, for Lynn Brown Rosenberg, it was a joyful new beginning.
Lynn says she was “sexually suppressed” for most of her life. It wasn’t until she reached her late 60s that she began to set herself free. Now, at 81 years old, she is the author of the memoir “My Sexual Awakening at 70.”
Like many people, Lynn did some self-reflection in her 60s. As she packed up before a move, she took inventory of her possessions — and herself.
“I realized I hadn’t had sex in 12 years,” she says, explaining that she’d been celibate since her husband passed away. “I just didn’t have the desire. And that made me mad.”
One day, Lynn reached a turning point during a visit to her urologist. “As the doctor was walking out the door, I told her I hadn’t had an orgasm in 12 years,” she recalls. Lynn’s urologist gave her a surprising prescription: Watch porn and get a vibrator.
“I did what the doctor ordered,” Lynn says.
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She had never been in a sex store before. “I sat in my car for 10 minutes because I was so nervous about someone I knew seeing me,” she says. Once she gathered the courage to enter the store, a kind, professional sales clerk helped her choose her purchases.
“That afternoon I had two orgasms,” Lynn says. “It was thrilling.”
A lifetime of sexual repression
It took Lynn decades to achieve good sexual health. Part of her struggle, she says, was growing up with an unaffectionate mother who didn’t communicate positive messages about sex or physical intimacy.
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“I never wanted for material things,” she says. “But I felt unloved, if not hated, by my mother.”
Lynn remembers her father being affectionate when she was little. But as she grew older and clashed with her mother, she says, her dad took her mother’s side.
In her memoir, Lynn describes her parents walking in on her kissing a boy when she was 14 years old. Her mother told her that only bad girls enjoyed sex, and those shaming words stayed with her long after she grew up. Even once she married, she had difficulty talking about intimacy and, despite having a good relationship with her husband, the sex was tepid.
“If we had talked about our sexual relationship, chances are our sex life would have greatly improved,” Lynn says. “But I couldn’t do it.”
Lynn’s husband passed away when she was 55. After he died, what remained of her sex life seemed to die, too.
Physical limitations created challenges
Lynn began to develop osteoarthritis in her late 30s. After her husband’s death in her mid-50s, she had several joint surgeries. Over about 5 years, she had procedures on her shoulders, hips, and knees, as well as five foot surgeries.
“I tried to keep a good attitude,” she says. “I tried to keep myself hopeful.”
Lynn says the shoulder surgeries were the hardest. After the first one, she developed an infection, so the procedure had to be redone. But she got through it, and the surgeries helped restore her health and mobility.
Lynn’s osteoarthritis and the surgeries make a few sexual positions difficult for her. But she says the physical limitations haven’t stopped her from enjoying sex.
A sexual awakening late in life
Lynn says her visit with the urologist gave her permission to enjoy her sexuality again. She also credits her psychologist with helping her improve her sexual health. Even though Lynn was reluctant to talk to him about sex at first, he assured her he’d heard everything and she was able to talk to him about her concerns without feeling judged.
After a while, Lynn decided she wanted to interact with men online. She experimented with phone sex and online messaging. To keep herself safe, she used her first name only, chose a profile picture that hid most of her face, and didn’t give out any personal information.
“At first, I didn’t know what to say,” Lynn recalls, explaining that she ended up copying a script from a porn scene, which worked.
When men wanted to meet her in person, she hesitated. “One of them was terrific,” she says, “but I wasn’t ready to have sex.”
Lynn says she had also lied about her age. The man she liked assured her age didn’t matter. But she was reluctant to tell him about the surgeries and what she was going through physically.
Eventually, she did meet a man from one of the sites in person. Again, she took precautions, meeting at a restaurant and taking time to get to know him. “But the chemistry just wasn’t there,” she says.
But Lynn didn’t give up, and eventually she enjoyed satisfying sexual relationships. She spent about a year having fun on dating and sex sites, and then logged off. She views her time being on the sites as a transitional phase that helped her integrate her sexuality into her regular life.
Her goal is to spread the message of joyful sexual health
During the process of embracing sexual health, Lynn realized there were many other women out there who also felt sexually repressed.
She wanted to help, so she decided to write her memoir.
Lynn says her memoir has resonated with people of all ages. Lynn’s hair stylist, for example, bought the book even though Lynn initially discouraged her, telling her it was aimed at older women. Lynn’s stylist, who was in her 40s, said she had also received the message from her parents that sex was bad.
To help spread her sex-positive message, Lynn is doing on-camera training with a PR specialist, with the goal of appearing as a guest on talk shows. Lynn has also written three psychological thrillers and is searching for a literary agent.
At 81, Lynn says, it’s harder to find partners than it used to be. But she continues to enjoy a satisfying sex life.
If you struggle with sexual repression, you’re not alone
Lynn empathizes with others who grew up believing sex was bad or shameful. Even as an older woman, she still sometimes feels the shadow of her mother’s disapproval.
“I have more tools to deal with it now,” she says, adding that she’s especially grateful for the help she’s received from her therapists.
For anyone trying to maintain sexual health with physical limitations, a sense of humor and a good attitude help a lot, Lynn says. “I come back to life with a sense of humor,” she adds.
Lynn wants the many women of all ages who feel sexually repressed to know that there’s hope. “You can get help, and you can help yourself,” she says.
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