Key takeaways:
Self-confidence starts with recognizing the things you’re good at.
It’s important to not compare your abilities with others when you’re working on building your confidence.
If you’re feeling low about yourself and your abilities, you may want to talk with a therapist. A therapist can help you change negative beliefs and support your journey to being more confident.
Self-confidence stems from your belief in your skills and abilities. The more you succeed at something, the more confident you become. Your confidence also grows when you believe you’re going to be OK during difficult times.
It’s not always easy to feel confident though. If you need help boosting your self-confidence, we’ve got strategies for you. Let’s get started.
How can you build your self-confidence?
These suggestions can help you build your self-confidence.
1. Set goals
Make a list of goals and put together a plan to achieve them.
“Confidence often stems from doing things you once thought you couldn’t do,” said Amy Morin, LCSW, author of “13 Things Mentally Strong People Don’t Do.” “Setting goals can help you discover skills, talents, and inner strength you didn’t know existed.”
2. Visualize success along the way
“It’s important to visualize yourself doing the hard work, not just the reward at the end,” Morin said. “Imagine pushing yourself hard, overcoming obstacles, and putting in effort to keep yourself going.” Think about how good you’ll feel once you’ve achieved your goal.
3. Don’t compare yourself to others
It’s easy to make social comparisons when you spend time on social media. You may think things like, “I wish I was as successful as she is” or “I should be a better dad.” But it can make you doubt yourself and your abilities. Think about taking a break from social media if you’ve fallen into the comparison trap. Spend more time considering your strengths.
4. Practice acceptance
Morin said that it’s important to learn to “love yourself for who you are right now. That doesn’t mean you can’t work on positive change. You can learn to balance self-acceptance with self-improvement.”
5. Surround yourself with positive people
Your social circles can affect how you feel about yourself. Choose people who believe in you and will cheer you on.
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“This can motivate you to keep going even when times are tough and you feel like giving up,” Morin said. “A kind word from someone else might reframe the conversations you’re having with yourself.”
6. Take care of your health and well-being
Self-care can go a long way toward boosting your self-confidence. Take time to eat well, exercise, and rest. Treat yourself to things you enjoy, like a good book or a night out with friends.
“When you insist on self-care, you show your brain that you are valuable,” Morin said. “This can shift the way you see yourself over time.”
7. Challenge negative thoughts
Don’t let negative self-talk consume your thinking. Ask yourself questions like, “Why do I think I can’t complete this task?” or “Can you survive if it doesn’t work out?” Give yourself some grace to make mistakes without beating yourself up.
8. Do things you’re good at
“While it’s important to challenge yourself to do new things, it’s also helpful to practice things you’re good at,” Morin said. Your confidence will grow as you invest time in your gifts and talents.
9. Keep track of your successes
It’s human nature to focus on our failures rather than our successes. While you can learn from and grow from past mistakes, also remember when you got things right. Jot down your wins and look over your list when you feel your confidence waning.
What can you do to appear more confident to others?
There are several things you can do to come across as more confident. Morin suggests acting as if you feel confident. “Simply say, ‘What would I do right now if I felt confident?’ Then do those things,” Morin said.
What body language exudes self-confidence?
Your body language and facial expressions can also help you appear more confident. Postures and body language that communicate confidence vary based on your culture or identity. But some typical postures that many people in the U.S. associate with confidence include:
Standing in an upright position, not slouched
Sitting in an open posture (relaxed with arms and legs uncrossed)
Maintaining eye contact
Speaking smoothly and knowledgeably about a topic
Speaking up so that people can hear you
How do you treat issues with confidence and self-esteem?
If you’re not feeling good about yourself, talk with a counselor or a therapist. Counselors can treat confidence issues and low self-esteem in therapy. Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) may be especially helpful.
CBT is a type of therapy that focuses on changing your thoughts and behavior. It’s based on the cognitive model or CBT triangle and works something like this:
Situation: You’re going to a party where you don’t know many of the people.
Automatic thought: “I never have anything to talk about. All the people there will think I’m boring.”
Emotional response: You feel anxious about the upcoming party, and maybe a little hopeless.
Behavioral response: You avoid other people at the party, opting to stay in the corner on your own. When you’re approached by other people, you have a hard time making eye contact.
A CBT therapist can help you reframe your negative thoughts and learn new skills to help you feel more confident.
“A therapist may teach you specific strategies, like acting as if you feel confident and talking to yourself like a trusted friend,” Morin said.
Remember, it’s OK to reach out for support as you work on building confidence.
When should you talk with a mental health professional about issues with confidence?
Bear in mind that feeling down about yourself may be linked to a health condition that requires additional treatment.
“If you can’t go to work, can’t make friends, or struggle in school, it’s important to get professional help,” Morin said.
Other signs that you may need to talk with a healthcare professional include:
Inability to enjoy life
Inability to do the things you want to do
Inability to work toward personal goals
Anxiety
Disordered eating
Substance misuse
The bottom line
Having confidence is an important part of your life. But you can’t build confidence without working at it. Start by reminding yourself of your successes in life. Remember that everyone makes mistakes. So, think of failure as a necessary part of your journey.
If you feel down about yourself and doubt your ability to succeed, you may want to talk with a counselor, therapist, or healthcare professional. They can evaluate you and make treatment recommendations, such as cognitive behavioral therapy or medication for depression.
Why trust our experts?
References
Beck Institute for Cognitive Behavior Therapy. (2022). Understanding CBT.
Connecticut Department of Children and Families. (2021). 3.1e Building self-confidence in young adults. V.I.T.A.L. Practice Guide and Policy Materials.
Copeland, M. E. (2022). Building self-esteem: A self-help guide. Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration, Center for Mental Health Services.
Jones, N. P., et al. (2013). Cognitive processes in response to goal failure: A study of ruminative thought and its affective consequences. Journal of Social and Clinical Psychology.
Mann, M., et al. (2004). Self-esteem in a broad-spectrum approach for mental health promotion. Health Education Research.
Smith, A., et al. (2020). Describing confidence: Student-identified signals of presenter confidence. International Journal of Teaching and Learning in Higher Education.
U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, Office on Women's Health. (2015). Self-esteem and self-confidence.
U.S. Department of Homeland Security. (2022). Improve your self-esteem.
Zloteanu, M., et al. (2021). Sitting in judgment: How body posture influences deception detection and gazing behavior. Behavioral Sciences.
