7 Ways to Deal With Grief
Key takeaways:
Grief is a normal and adaptive response to loss, and everyone experiences it differently.
Most people associate grief with the death of a loved one. But it can come from losses of all kinds.
If a person’s grief extends beyond what is considered a normal time frame in their culture, they may have prolonged grief disorder and might require professional help.
Grief is a heartbreaking emotional experience that almost everyone will face at some point in their life. Most of the time, it’s associated with the death of a loved one. But the anguish of grief can occur after losing anything or anyone that was important to you.
While grief is an almost universal experience, it can take many different forms. No matter where you are in the grieving process, there’s no right or wrong way to express the pain of a loss. What’s most important is that you find healthy ways to express what you’re feeling, gather support, and attend to your needs as you move through the healing process over time.
What are some ways to deal with grief?
Here are some suggestions for how to deal with grief:
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1. Connect with other people
Remember, grief is a normal response to loss. In most instances, people who are grieving don’t need treatment, they need support. A supportive social network is often the best resource you can have during the early stages of grief.
If you’re struggling with grief, don’t be afraid to reach out to friends and family to talk about what you’re going through. And if you aren’t able to seek support from your immediate circle, you can also explore options for grief support that are available online or in your community.
2. Honor your feelings
Normal responses to grief include a wide range of emotions and behaviors. So don’t judge your reactions during this process. Instead, honor whatever you’re feeling and know that grieving can cause you to shift between all sorts of emotions, including:
Longing
Anger
Embarrassment
Guilt
Despair
Sadness
Confusion
Shock
Denial
Disbelief
Bargaining
Depression
Acceptance
3. Take care of your body
General self-care will be important as you adapt to your loss. Make sure that you’re:
Eating a balanced diet
Spending time outside
Getting enough sleep
Taking good care of your body will give you more capacity to attend to your emotional well-being, too.
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4. Return to your routine, when you’re ready
Grief may cause some people to withdraw from typical activities and isolate themselves. Returning to the routines of your daily life can be helpful. Give yourself time and space to feel your emotions, but also make sure your days have some structure.
Returning to your normal life can help you adapt to your loss. Remember, everyone’s timeline is different. But even if you’re not ready for a full return to “normal,” taking small steps forward may help. You’ll know when it’s the right time to reconnect with the parts of your life that you stepped away from during the grieving process.
5. Stay connected to the person you lost
After losing someone you love, it can help to find a creative way to honor their memory. Some people make photo collages or scrapbooks to turn their memories into art. Others cook a loved one’s favorite meal or plant a tree in their honor. Think about something you can do or make to help you feel close to your loved one.
6. Learn about grief
Grief can feel like an isolating experience. But learning about some of the common ways people grieve can help you feel less alone. For example, psychologist Elizabeth Kübler-Ross’s book “On Grief and Grieving” has helped many people better understand the five stages of grief.
People move in and out of these stages in their own way, and they include:
Denial
Anger
Bargaining
Depression
Acceptance
7. Writing or journaling
You may already know that journaling can help you express yourself when you don’t feel able to talk about your feelings. But sometimes it’s hard to know what to write, especially when you’re feeling sad or overwhelmed. However, there are tools available to help you get started.
One approach to grief journaling uses specific guided prompts to help you write about what you’re going through. One study found that people who engaged in this kind of journaling saw long-term improvement in their grief symptoms. To get started, check out this free grief journal from grief specialists David Kessler and Andrea Cagan.
What is grief, and who experiences it?
Grief is a normal and adaptive process in response to loss. It has been described as the emotional, cognitive, functional, and behavioral response to death — which means grief shows up in our behaviors, thoughts, and feelings when we experience loss. For example, the longing to be with a loved one who has died is an expression of grief.
Your experience of grief might look very different from someone else’s. And expressions of grief vary quite a bit not only between individuals but across cultures as well. Around the world, there are differences in how people express their feelings of loss and how long they grieve.
Anyone can experience grief, because anyone can experience loss. However, people tend to experience loss more frequently as they age. In one study, 70% of older adults experienced grief in a 2.5-year period.
What types of losses typically cause grief?
While most people think of grief as a response to the loss of a loved one, many different experiences can cause grief.
Other such experiences include:
Divorce or separation from a loved one
Illness or loss of health
Job loss or retirement
A miscarriage
Loss of financial security
An abortion
Loss of safety after trauma
Symptoms of grief
Grief can take many forms, and no two people experience it the exact same way. But there are some common emotions and behaviors that occur during the grieving period, which are listed below. Remember, it’s OK if you don’t experience all of these or if you experience things that aren’t listed here.
Sadness and crying
Frequent uncomfortable emotions
Frequent thoughts of the deceased person
Sleep disruption
Loss of appetite
Having dreams about the loss
Disruption in normal daily routines
Feeling emotionally numb
Being unable to accept that the loss has occurred
Anxiety from the distress of being separated from a loved one
How long does grief usually last?
Grief is a process that takes time. Acute grief occurs in the period right after a loss and can last from weeks to months.
The symptoms of grief are normal responses to loss and will typically diminish gradually. After several months, most people begin to adapt to life after their loss, even if the pain doesn’t go away entirely.
Those who continue experiencing severe grief for more than a year might be experiencing prolonged grief (more below).
Mental health conditions such as anxiety or depression might also occur while you’re experiencing grief. If you’re having any of these issues, consider seeing a professional for help.
What happens if grief is prolonged or particularly severe?
Sometimes, a person’s grief lasts longer than is considered typical in their culture. And it may cause a severe interruption in their ability to live their life. When this occurs, it could be due to a mental health condition called prolonged grief disorder (PGD).
In order to be diagnosed with PGD, you must have several of the following symptoms for at least a year for adults and for at least 6 months for children or adolescents.
Trouble believing the death happened
Avoiding reminders of the loss
Intense anger, sadness, and other feelings about the death
Emotional numbness (not being able to feel anything)
Problems returning to normal life
Intense feelings of loneliness
Identity issues, such as feeling a part of you has died too
Believing your life no longer has meaning
With appropriate care, those experiencing prolonged grief can learn to adapt and live with their grief. This could include treatment through individual and group therapies that target symptoms of PGD. Depending on your situation, you may also benefit from medication to treat common co-occuring conditions like depression.
Resources for dealing with grief
If you’re interested in learning more about grief or are looking for help dealing with a loss, check out the following resources:
The bottom line
Grief is a difficult but normal response to loss. However, expressions of grief and the length of the grieving process vary from person to person and across cultures. While grief can be a painful experience, there are some things you can do to help yourself cope. Ask for support from your friends and loved ones, find ways to honor the person or thing you’ve lost, and take good care of your mental and physical health. Remember, you can learn to adapt to life after loss, and there is help available if you’re struggling to manage your grief.
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References
American Psychiatric Association. (2022). Prolonged grief disorder.
American Psychological Association. (2020). Grief: Coping with the loss of your loved one.
Benkel, I., et al. (2009). Family and friends provide most social support for the bereaved. Palliative Medicine.
Bui, E., et al. (2012). Pharmacological approaches to the treatment of complicated grief: Rationale and a brief review of the literature. Dialogues in Clinical Neuroscience.
Kohut, M. (2011). Making art from memories: Honoring deceased loved ones through a scrapbooking bereavement group. Journal of the American Art Therapy Association.
Lichtenthal, W. G., et al. (2010). Effects of directed written disclosure on grief and distress symptoms among bereaved individuals. Death Studies.
Mental Health America. (n.d.). Bereavement and grief.
Mughal, S., et al. (2023). Grief reaction. StatPearls.
National Cancer Institute. (2021). Grief, bereavement, and loss (PDQ®) – patient version.
Noonan, S. J. (2022). Reconnecting after isolation: Coping with anxiety, depression, grief, PTSD, and more. John Hopkins University Press.
Ott, C. H. (2010). The impact of complicated grief on mental and physical health at various points in the bereavement process. Death Studies.
Smith, M., et al. (2018). Coping with grief and loss. HelpGuide.org.
Stanaway, C. (2020). The stages of grief: Accepting the unacceptable. University of Washington Counseling Center.
Weir, K. (2018). New paths for people with prolonged grief disorder. American Psychological Association.
Williams, B. R., et al. (2007). Bereavement among African American and White older adults. Journal of Aging and Health.
Williams, J., et al. (2021). Can physical activity support grief outcomes in individuals who have been bereaved? A systematic review. Sports Medicine Open.
Zisook, S., et al. (2009). Grief and bereavement: What psychiatrists need to know. World Psychiatry.
For additional resources or to connect with mental health services in your area, call SAMHSA’s National Helpline at 1-800-662-4357. For immediate assistance, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 988, or text HOME to 741-741 to reach the Crisis Text Line.
