Key takeaways:
It can be hard to make decisions for many reasons, such as fear of choosing the wrong thing or feeling overwhelmed by too many options.
Building habits such as setting time limits for smaller decisions or practicing mindfulness may help you become more decisive.
If you have trouble making decisions and it interferes with your work, relationships, or other life tasks, a therapist or coach can help you improve your decision-making capacity.
Whether it’s what to have for breakfast or a major career change, we’re constantly faced with big and small decisions. Some of us get stuck making even the tiniest choices while others breeze through most decisions with ease. The latter type are often considered to be decisive, a skill prized by many.
If you struggle to make decisions, don’t worry. There are things you can do to become more decisive.
How to be more decisive
Below are seven tips to help you improve your ability to make decisions.
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1. Take small steps outside of your comfort zone
You can learn to make decisions more quickly and effectively by practicing with small choices. You might change the music you normally listen to or take a different route on your morning walk. Whatever you choose, remind yourself that this is a small decision. If you don’t like what you chose, you can make a different decision tomorrow.
While making decisions will likely continue to feel uncomfortable for some time, try getting used to feeling the uncertainty little by little. Allow any discomfort to arise, and remind yourself that this is part of your process of becoming better at making decisions.
2. Practice making smaller decisions more quickly
Smaller, low-stakes decisions can be great opportunities to practice being decisive. For example, when you need to choose where to sit, try scanning the room and sitting wherever your instinct initially leads you. If you’re not sure what to order at a restaurant, try selecting one of the first things that your eye is drawn to.
Don’t spend more than a minute on these decisions. Also notice the impulses you have to resist when settling on a choice. As you do this, consider how much is really at stake with this small decision. Then see if you can be content choosing an option that is good enough.
If you get stuck on one of these decisions, remember that there is no shame in flipping a coin.
3. Narrow down your options
Sometimes we’re faced with forks in the road and can’t avoid making a decision on which path to take. If a decision begins to feel overwhelmingly big, try breaking it down into smaller choices and taking it step by step.
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Decision-making experts have found that humans can handle about three to five choices before we become overwhelmed. So begin by narrowing your options down to around three potential pathways and choose from there.
4. Let go of judgment
We often categorize choices as “right” and "wrong.” But this oversimplification can get us stuck. When we’re trapped in the idea that there is a perfect decision to make, we can become overwhelmed by the pressure to figure out what that is. What’s more, we even might link the decisions we make to our worth as a person, which makes the decision burden even heavier.
When you are able to, let go of any judgements surrounding your decisions. Remind yourself that each decision is a learning opportunity. Then you might find that the task of choosing becomes much easier. This can also help you move forward and make decisions that align with your values.
5. Practice mindfulness
Mindfulness is the practice of being in the present moment without judgment. The more we can be mindful, the more we may be able to assess our options clearly. Mindfulness can also help us make decisions that align with the directions we want to take in our lives.
When it comes to decision-making, another benefit of mindfulness is that we are more aware of our thoughts and feelings. This means we can actually learn from our decisions by noticing how we respond to them.
6. Accept uncertainty
Our brains are wired to resist uncertainty. Yet, the truth is, we never really know what is going to happen next. When we make peace with this, we can become better at making decisions with the information that we have.
There are several ways to work on being OK with uncertainty. Start with noticing your feelings, rather than trying to resist the uncomfortable ones. Also consider how being able to accept uncertainty can help you strengthen positive attributes. Perhaps it can help you be:
Courageous
Authentic
Adventurous
Flexible
Honest
Spiritual
As you pay attention to the parts of your personality that can cope with uncertainty, you’ll likely find that those traits will become stronger. And your ability to make decisions may follow suit.
7. Gather feedback
You don’t have to be on this road to decisiveness alone. Seek feedback from people you trust along the way. You can do this by asking how other people make decisions in their own lives. This is a great way to learn strategies that you can also implement as you work on making decisions.
Another way to gather feedback is to explore other people’s thoughts and feelings about the decisions you’ve made. By doing this, you can continue to learn from your successes and mistakes to get even better at making decisions that you feel good about.
Along the way, keep an eye on how often you ask others for feedback on your decisions. If you constantly seek reassurance from others, you won’t have the opportunity to build confidence in your own decision-making skills.
Why is it so hard for me to make decisions?
The sheer amount of choices that we’re faced with each day can be overwhelming and lead you to feel stuck. It is not completely known why some people struggle with decisions more than others. But there are many potential reasons why you might find it hard to make decisions.
Brain chemistry
Part of what determines whether a person is decisive might boil down to their brain chemistry. Indecision has been linked to the interaction between two parts of the brain — an area just below the forehead (the prefrontal cortex) and another above the ears (the parietal cortex).
Fear
This normal and valid emotion can sometimes hold us back. When it comes to making decisions, we might fear change, making a mistake, or committing to something we’re not sure of.
Low self-esteem
When a person struggles with their self-esteem, they are often plagued with self-doubt. This can interfere with their capacity to make decisions even after thoroughly exploring all of the options.
Tunnel vision
At first thought, you might think that a person who is hyper-focused on one option would be more decisive. However, research has found just the opposite. People who are indecisive may have a greater tendency to get stuck gathering information about their choices.
Signs indecision is becoming a problem
Thinking through your options or being slow and methodical in the choices you make is not necessarily a bad thing. You are in the best position to know whether your struggle with making decisions is becoming a problem in your life.
But here are some signs to keep an eye on:
You fear change to the point that you’re unable to act.
You feel stagnant or stuck due to your lack of ability to decide.
You find yourself avoiding a decision, even when it leads you to places that don’t align with your desires or values.
You often regret the things that you didn’t do rather than the things you did do.
You notice that your inability to make decisions affects your work or social life.
Where do I find help to improve my decisiveness?
A therapist or coach who specializes in decisiveness can help you build your decision-making skills. To find a therapist or coach you can:
Call your insurance company to find an in-network provider.
Ask for recommendations from friends, family members, or other people you trust.
Search an online database such as Psychology Today, GoodTherapy, or Inclusive Therapists.
Explore support resources in your workplace, community, or school.
Many coaches and therapists will offer a free brief consultation before your first paid session. Be forthcoming that your main goal is to work on your decision-making skills. And ask about their experiences working with clients on indecisiveness.
The bottom line
We live in a world filled with options, which can be both a blessing and a curse. While being decisive might come more naturally to some people, decision-making is a skill that anyone can practice. Narrowing down your options, letting go of judgment, and staying mindful are a few of the skills you can practice to become more decisive.
And you certainly don’t have to go through this journey alone. Seek support from your friends and family members. If you notice that your indecisiveness interferes with your life in a significant way, consider getting help from a mental health professional.
Why trust our experts?
References
Bacanli, F. (2006). Personality characteristics as predictors of personal indecisiveness. Journal of Career Development.
Counseling and Psychological Services University of Michigan. (n.d.). Coping with uncertainty.
de Berker, A. O., et al. (2016). Computations of uncertainty mediate acute stress responses in humans. Nature Communications.
Festa, F., et al. (2022). How to be more decisive. NPR.
Gilovich, T., et al. (1994). The temporal pattern to the experience of regret. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology.
Hartley, C. A., et al. (2012). Anxiety and decision-making. Biological Psychiatry.
Muris, R. E., et al. (2008). Indecisiveness and informational tunnel vision. Personality and Individual Differences.
Polanía R., et al. (2015). The precision of value-based choices depends causally on fronto-parietal phase coupling. Nature Communications.
