Coping With a Midlife Crisis
Key takeaways:
A midlife crisis is a period of emotional distress that many people experience in their 40s and 50s. It can be brought on by stressors like caring for older parents, financial worries, and other life changes that middle-aged adults commonly face.
If you’re experiencing what feels like a midlife crisis, there are things you can do to cope, such as focusing on the positive parts of aging, prioritizing your physical and mental health, and connecting with other people.
Therapy can also help you get through a midlife crisis. It’s a good way to process the many changes that come with middle age and learn new coping strategies.
Table of contents
Midlife, or middle age, is the time in your life in between young adulthood and older adulthood, usually defined as your 40s and 50s. And like other periods in your life, middle age comes with its own unique challenges.
It’s common to go through many life changes at once — in your career, your relationships, your personal life, and even in your health and physical appearance — during middle age. For many people, it’s also a time in their life when they come face to face with aging and mortality. These changes and experiences can all raise questions about your meaning and purpose in life.
While some adults may navigate these challenges smoothly, others may have what’s called a midlife crisis. A midlife crisis is a time of emotional ups and downs, during which you might feel unhappy, confused, or even defeated when you think about your life. During a midlife crisis, you may even find yourself grieving the past or questioning your personal identity. For some people, a midlife crisis can also mean seeking changes in their career or personal life, in the hopes of rediscovering happiness and increasing self-worth.
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No matter how it looks, if you’re experiencing a midlife crisis, you may be wondering: What can I do to cope? Or you may be wondering what you can do if a loved one is having a challenging time dealing with middle age. Let’s take a closer look at some of the things that can help.
How to deal with a midlife crisis
If you’re going through a midlife crisis, there are ways to cope. Connecting with other people, focusing on the positive aspects of aging, and doing things to boost your health can all go a long way toward helping you to navigate this period.
Get support
No matter what your age is, social connection is good for your health and well-being. And if you’re feeling burdened by the pressures of middle age, you can benefit from connecting with peers who are going through something similar. Try reaching out to your existing support network, like your friends and family. Or work on building a new one by joining a group, taking a class, or picking up a new hobby.
Focus on the positives
As a society, we tend to glamorize youth and look down on aging. But the truth is: There are many positives to getting older, too. For example, as you get older you may be more established in your career or have extra time to do the things you love. You might also find that you feel even more confident about yourself than you did in your 20s and 30s.
Prioritize your health
Middle age is a great time to double down on maintaining physical health. Whether you’ve always wanted to quit smoking, cut back on drinking, or start going to the gym, now is the perfect time. Making healthy lifestyle changes can also reduce your risk of chronic conditions like diabetes and heart disease, as well as keep you feeling fit and healthy into your later years.
Talk to a therapist
Coping with the challenges of midlife can be difficult, but help is available. Therapy can help you process the changes that you’re experiencing and learn ways to cope with them.
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Therapy can be helpful whether you are experiencing mild stress or more serious difficulties. There is no wrong time to reach out for support. But if you experience any of the following symptoms on a regular basis, it’s a good idea to consider seeking professional help:
Significant changes in mood
Worry or fear that is hard to control
Anger or irritation
Difficulty remembering things
Low energy
Changes in your sleeping patterns
Changes in your appetite
Using drugs or alcohol to cope with your emotions
Distancing yourself from your support system
If at any time you experience thoughts of hurting yourself or suicide, contact the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline by calling or texting 988.
What triggers a midlife crisis?
Studies have found that happiness over the course of a person’s lifespan follows a U-shaped curve. This means that happiness tends to be higher when you’re younger, then hits a low point during middle age, and then increases again as you move into older adulthood.
But why is this trend more exaggerated for some people, leading to a midlife crisis? While everyone is different, experts believe that a number of events in middle age can contribute to this type of crisis.
Career transitions
A midlife crisis can be triggered by a career change, like retirement or getting laid off. By the time you reach middle age, and you’ve spent years in the workforce, your career can be a big part of your identity and purpose. And going through a job loss — voluntarily or not — can leave you with questions about who you are, what to do with your time, and your value and worth as an individual.
Financial stressors
Though middle-age adults are often at a high point in their incomes, they can still have a lot of financial stress. This is because, during middle age, many people are busy preparing for retirement, seeing their doctors more often, supporting aging parents, and paying for their childrens’ college. Many people also worry about how their ability to work might change in the future, as well as larger concerns like inflation and stock market volatility.
Physical changes
Middle-age adults face many physical changes that can also play a role in having a midlife crisis. Aging can lead to changes in your vision and hearing, which can be hard to cope with. And as you get older, you may find yourself suddenly having to deal with new health conditions, such as:
Diabetes
Osteoporosis
Heart disease
Rheumatoid arthritis
Cancer
Women also typically go through menopause in their 40s and early 50s. Menopause is the stage during which women naturally stop menstruating. But for many women, it can also lead to uncomfortable physical and emotional symptoms.
Caregiver responsibilities
Because many people now live longer lives, middle-aged adults often have to care for older parents. This could mean having to care for parents, work a demanding job, and care for children at the same time
This type of caregiver burden can cause stress and contribute to a midlife crisis. Some people end up neglecting their own needs, putting themselves at greater risk for anxiety, depression, and certain stress-related health conditions.
How to help someone else who is going through a midlife crisis
Seeing someone you care about go through a midlife crisis can be difficult. You may want to jump in and “fix it.” While you can’t just fix the problem, there are things you can do to support a loved one as they navigate this period.
Some of the ways you can help a person going through a midlife crisis are:
Listening: Listening is one of the best things you can do for a person who’s going through a hard time, including a midlife crisis. Ask your loved one how they are feeling and then allow them to tell you. Try to simply listen without offering feedback. If you want to give advice, ask their permission before doing so. Some people may only want an emotional outlet.
Offering to help: You can encourage your loved one to tell you what they need and how you can help. Perhaps they need some alone time, guidance, or help finding a therapist. Don’t assume you know what’s best for them; let them tell you.
Being patient: For many people, middle age brings major changes in how they feel about themselves, the world, and even their personal identity. If your loved one is struggling with these changes, try to be patient; it takes time to navigate these transitions. Give your loved one an opportunity to work through their emotions at their own speed.
Working on yourself: Continue to work on yourself in the meantime. Find hobbies that you enjoy, prioritize your physical and mental health, and try new things. This will help you be the best version of yourself, which in turn will help your loved one.
Are midlife crises more common in men?
While midlife crises stereotypically involve middle-aged men, women experience them, too. One study found that women experienced midlife crises at similar rates as men.
Though men and women are probably equally likely to experience a midlife crisis, their experiences during middle age can be very different. For example, menopause can affect how a woman feels and copes with the stresses of midlife. Meanwhile, a man may experience physical and emotional challenges related to erectile dysfunction or decreased testosterone.
The bottom line
Middle age is a life stage that can come with many challenges, like preparing for retirement, caring for older parents and children at the same time, or dealing with new health concerns. Some people may have a hard time coping with these stressful life changes and experience a midlife crisis.
If you’re dealing with a midlife crisis, take heart. There are many things you can do to cope, like trying to focus on the positive aspects of aging, making new connections, and leaning into healthy activities. For some people, therapy can also be a great way to understand this challenging period.
Why trust our experts?
References
Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. (2023). How does social connectedness affect health?
Freund, A. M., et al. (2009). Midlife crisis: A debate. Gerontology.
Galambos, N. L., et al. (2020). The U shape of happiness across the life course: Expanding the discussion. Perspectives on Psychological Science.
Infurna, F. J. (2023). Why midlife Is so hard—especially now. Greater Good Science Center.
Lachman, M. E., et al. (2014). Midlife as a pivotal period in the life course: Balancing growth and decline at the crossroads of youth and old age. International Journal of Behavioral Development.
Lang, D., et al. (2022). Physical development in middle adulthood. Individual and Family Development, Health, and Well-Being.
Liu, Z., et al. (2020). Caregiver burden: A concept analysis. International Journal of Nursing Sciences.
Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration. (2023). Signs of needing help.
Wethington, E. (2000). Expecting stress: Americans and the “midlife crisis”. Motivation and Emotion.
For additional resources or to connect with mental health services in your area, call SAMHSA’s National Helpline at 1-800-662-4357. For immediate assistance, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 988, or text HOME to 741-741 to reach the Crisis Text Line.
