Why Can’t I Orgasm? What to Know About Anorgasmia

Q: Do all women care about having an orgasm during sex?

No. Some women care a lot, and some don’t . Most people are probably somewhere in the middle. What really matters is how you feel about your orgasms and whether your orgasms (or lack of) are causing you distress. For example, in one study, Black and white women said they had orgasms about the same amount. But Black women attached more importance to having an orgasm. There’s also evidence that many women value their partner's orgasm more than their own.

Key takeaways:

It’s totally normal to have problems with orgasm from time to time. And many women have never had an orgasm at all.
Trouble having an orgasm can be caused by many different things, including health problems, hormone changes, and medication side effects.
Social, cultural, and psychological factors can also make it difficult to orgasm.
If you’re hoping to have more orgasms, there are many things that can help. It can also be worthwhile to talk with a healthcare professional, especially if you’re feeling sad or down about your sex life.

If you’ve ever had trouble having an orgasm, you’re not alone. In reality, lots of women have problems with orgasm at some point during their life. And in heterosexual couples, it’s especially common for men to have orgasms more often than women (sometimes dubbed the “orgasm gap”).

Many women also feel pressured to “achieve” orgasm during vaginal sex — even though most women aren’t able to orgasm this way. It can be frustrating to struggle to reach orgasm, but learning about orgasms, your body, and sex in general can help to improve your experiences.

Let’s explore why orgasms can be tricky, and what you can do to have more frequent or satisfying sexual experiences if you so desire.

Why can’t I orgasm?

It’s hard to say. But it’s common: In one large study, 1 in 5 women said they had challenges with orgasm.

Problems with orgasm are usually caused by a combination of things. These can be physical factors, psychological factors, or social and cultural factors. Let’s take a closer look at some examples.

Physical factors that affect female orgasms

Hormonal changes (like pregnancy or menopause)
Chronic pain disorders
Chronic illnesses, especially ones that damage nerves or blood vessels
Involuntary muscle spasms in your vagina (vaginismus)
Vaginal dryness or pain
Medication side effects (especially antidepressants)

Psychological factors that affect female orgasms

Disinterest or boredom in a relationship
Dissociation during sex
Lack of attraction to your partner
History of sexual abuse, assault, or trauma
Relationship challenges

Social and cultural factors that affect female orgasms

Negative feelings, guilt, or shame about sex
Lack of knowledge about sex
Social stigmas about sex

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Can you still have orgasms after menopause? Orgasms and sexual pleasure don’t have to stop with menopause. Check out our tips for satisfying sex — and orgasms — after menopause.

What is anorgasmia?

Anorgasmia is when you’re not able to have an orgasm — even when you’re feeling turned on, or being stimulated in a way that feels good. It’s also sometimes called “female orgasmic disorder” or “orgasmic dysfunction.”

How can I have more orgasms?

It’s OK if you’ve never had an orgasm, especially if you’re satisfied with your current sex life. After all, when it comes to sex, orgasms aren’t the only way to have fun.

But if you do want to have better or more frequent orgasms, here are some tips that may help:

Practice having an orgasm on your own. Set aside some private time to explore your body and touch yourself (masturbate). Learn what feels good and practice. This can help you understand what turns you on, and possibly make it easier for you to orgasm.
Educate yourself about sex and orgasms. Look for books about orgasm and sex, or consider taking a class. You can also check out trusted online resources like Planned Parenthood or Scarleteen.
Make changes in your sex life. Changing how you think, talk, and act during sex can sometimes help you have an orgasm. This could include thinking positively, using “sexy” talk and movements, or trying new sex positions.

It can also be helpful to check in with a healthcare professional, like your primary care provider or a therapist. They may be able to help you understand what’s causing your orgasm problems, and put together a treatment plan (more on this below).

Is there a ‘best’ sexual position for female orgasm?

Not really. The truth is: Over 4 out of 5 women aren’t able to orgasm through penetrative vaginal sex. And for women who can orgasm this way, the best sexual position for orgasm is different for everyone. It depends on your preferences, your anatomy, and your partner’s anatomy.

Many women enjoy sexual positions that stimulate some part of the clitoris, including the external parts, the internal parts (like the G-spot), or both. In a survey of 500 women, the top three favorite positions for vaginal penetration were:

Woman on top
Rear entry
Missionary (face to face)

But if you don’t have a “favorite” position for orgasm, you’re not alone. Many women find it easier to orgasm if they switch between different positions and activities during sex. And of course, some women don’t enjoy vaginal penetration at all — and prefer other ways of being intimate. But take heart: No matter what types of sex you enjoy, there are many different ways to have an orgasm.

After all, at the end of the day, there’s no sex position or activity that’s 100% guaranteed to lead to orgasm, despite what popular media may tell you. Figuring out what turns you on when it comes to sex can help you choose sexual positions and activities you take pleasure in.

When to see a healthcare professional

If you feel sad, anxious, or worried about orgasm, it might be worth reaching out to a healthcare professional. They can help you understand whether your physical or mental health could be affecting your orgasms.

For some people, working directly with a sexual health specialist is also helpful. Specialists include:

It’s important to find a specialist who you can be yourself with. Many sexual health specialists are comfortable working with people of different races and ethnicities, genders, and sexual orientations. But for some folks, seeking out a professional who’s LGBTQIA+ or Black, Indigenous People, People of Color (BIPOC) can be especially affirming.

Depending on what’s causing your problems with orgasm, your healthcare professional or therapist might propose different treatments. Examples include:

Masturbation training (directed masturbation)
Sensate focus exercises
Sexual wellness devices
Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT)
Medication changes
Hormone replacement therapy
Medications to help with low libido or vaginal dryness

Frequently asked questions

Yes. Some women are able to have orgasms more frequently than others. There’s some evidence that women have more frequent orgasms if they are in a positive, intimate relationship. Women are also more likely to orgasm if both partners initiate sex, and if their partner knows how to make their body feel good. Being able to communicate openly about sex also helps.

But it’s also worth mentioning that not everyone orgasms — and certainly not every time they have sex. In fact, according to the National Institutes of Health, 10% to 15% of women have never had an orgasm.

Lesbian women seem to have more orgasms than other women. In a 2017 survey of over 50,000 people, 86% of lesbian women said they orgasmed “usually or always,” compared with about 65% of straight and bisexual women. And in a different study, cisgender women with partners who were also cisgender women had more orgasms than cisgender women who were in relationships with transgender, nonbinary, or male partners.

No. Some women care a lot, and some don’t. Most people are probably somewhere in the middle. What really matters is how you feel about your orgasms and whether your orgasms (or lack of) are causing you distress.

For example, in one study, Black and white women said they had orgasms about the same amount. But Black women attached more importance to having an orgasm. There’s also evidence that many women value their partner's orgasm more than their own.

The bottom line

When it comes to orgasms, there’s really no right or wrong. After all, orgasms are different for everyone. What really matters when it comes to sex is figuring out what feels good to you. But if you’re not feeling satisfied with your orgasms, take heart. There are many changes you can make in your personal life that can help you have more fulfilling sexual encounters.

And if you have more questions, don’t be shy about talking to a healthcare professional. They can help you understand what’s causing your sexual difficulties, and help support you in creating a rewarding, authentic sex life.

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Written by:

Sarah Gupta, MD

Sarah Gupta, MD, is a licensed physician with a special interest in mental health, sex and gender, eating disorders, and the human microbiome. She is currently board certified by the American Board of Psychiatry and Neurology.

Edited by:

Sophie Vergnaud, MD

Sophie Vergnaud, MD, is the Senior Medical Director for GoodRx Health. A pulmonologist and hospitalist, she practiced and taught clinical medicine at hospitals in London for a decade before entering a career in health education and technology.

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