Stop Beating Yourself Up! 9 Self-Compassion Exercises to Help You Feel Better
Key takeaways:
Self-compassion isn’t about being self-indulgent or weak. It’s about learning to be kind and patient with yourself.
Certain exercises, like journaling, treating yourself like a friend, creating a self-compassion phrase, or taking a mindfulness break, can help you develop this skill.
By making time for a brief self-compassion exercise each day, you can strengthen your sense of self-compassion over time.
What comes to mind when you hear the phrase “self-compassion”? Some people mistakenly think it’s about being self-indulgent or complacent. But that couldn’t be further from the truth.
Self-compassion is a skill that, when honed, can help you treat yourself with more kindness and patience. And when you cultivate compassion for yourself, you can weather life’s ups and downs with more resilience.
So how does it work? Like all skills, it takes practice to develop self-compassion. To get started, explore the following exercises to see what works best for you.
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Best self-compassion exercises
The self-compassion exercises listed below are designed to be quick and easy to integrate into your day. They don’t require any special tools or equipment — other than maybe some headphones or writing materials. And you can do them just about anywhere.
Try a few different ones to see which ones feel best for you and notice how your mind and body respond to them over time.
1. Be a friend to yourself
When you’re having negative thoughts about yourself, take a pause. Now imagine a good friend is in a similar situation. Would you say that to a friend in the same way you’re “talking” to yourself? Chances are, you’d probably be far less critical of your friend than yourself. See if you can offer yourself the same patience and understanding that you would to a friend.
2. Try a guided meditation
If you’re new to practicing self-compassion, it can be tough to know where to begin. But thanks to all the readily available self-compassion audio guides out there, you don’t have to figure it out on your own.
You can use an audio meditation to guide you through a brief practice whenever you need to slow down and reconnect to yourself. For example, try one before a big meeting, after a long day, or while walking your dog.
3. Write in a journal
One way to release bottled-up, uncomfortable emotions and cultivate self-compassion is to journal. You don’t have to follow a specific journaling format to benefit from the practice. But you might find it helpful to use some prompts that focus on cultivating self-compassion, such as:
“One thing I did well today is…”
“I’m proud of myself for…”
“An area where I’ve shown a lot of growth is…” (include examples!)
“Compared to this time last year, I’m doing a lot better with…”
“Three things I know I’m really good at are…”
“One way I could show myself more compassion is…”
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4. Challenge your inner critic
We all deal with self-criticism sometimes. It’s the voice in your head that says you’ve failed or that you can’t do anything right. Left unchecked, your inner critic can make it difficult to acknowledge all the good things about yourself. But you have the power to silence (or at least reduce) self-criticism.
You can start by pausing to notice your negative thoughts without judging them. When negative thoughts occur, ask yourself if those thoughts are true.
For example, imagine thinking, “I’d make a terrible leader. No one would listen to me.” Stop to ask yourself if you have any evidence to the contrary. Maybe you can recall a time when you took a leadership role and it went well. Focus on what’s really true about you.
5. Write a letter to your younger self
Sometimes, self-criticism stems from things that happened early in life. For example, experiencing childhood abuse is linked to emotional struggles in adulthood. If that feels relevant for you, try writing a self-compassion letter to your younger self.
In your letter, demonstrate compassion for all the challenges you navigated as a child. Honor the hard things you’ve been through and focus on how far you’ve come as an adult. Let your younger self know that you’re proud of all the hard work you’ve done to be the person you are today.
6. Do a gratitude body scan
A body scan to honor all the ways your body supports you can help you foster self-compassion. Here is how to start:
Begin by finding some space where you can limit distractions and focus inward.
Get into a comfortable position, either seated or lying down.
Take a few slow, deep breaths.
Shift your awareness inward, slowly focusing on your head, neck, shoulders, chest, and then stomach. Spend a minute or so on each body part.
Continue connecting with each area of your body, all the way down to your feet.
As you do this, release any tension you’re holding and pause to thank your body for all it does for you.
7. Explore supportive touch
Just like a baby responds to a soothing touch from a caregiver, our bodies respond to supportive touch. It might seem a little odd at first, but you can use touch to comfort yourself and cultivate self-compassion when you’re feeling stressed.
For example, during a difficult period of the day bring one hand to your heart. Notice the warmth your hand brings to your chest and feel the beat of your heart underneath your hand. Let your chest rise and fall as you take a few slow, intentional breaths. As you breathe, say something kind to yourself like, “I am enough.”
8. Take a mindful break
When life moves fast it can be hard to find time to be kind to yourself. So when you’re feeling overwhelmed, take a mindful break to focus on self-compassion.
Step away from your to-do list to honor your hurt, stress, or whatever discomfort you’re feeling. Remember that the moment won’t last forever and that other people feel this way sometimes, too.
End your mindful break with a few deep breaths or some supportive touch (see above). Use this break as a reminder to be kind to yourself when you need it most.
9. Create a self-compassion statement
A self-compassion statement is a soothing phrase you can use in times of suffering to cultivate self-love and inner peace. Unlike critical statements like “just get over it” or “suck it up,” these statements promote kindness and patience.
Create your own statement or use one of the ones below to get started:
“I deserve to forgive myself.”
“This is a tough moment, but it won’t last forever.”
“Hard times call for kindness.”
“This is really hard, but I know I’m doing my best.”
“I will nurture my body and give it what it needs.”
“I can give myself space to feel whatever I’m feeling.”
Why is practicing self-compassion important?
A review of the research on self-compassion shows that learning to identify your needs and respond to them with patience and kindness provides a host of benefits, including:
Decreased depression
Decreased anxiety
Less rumination (dwelling on negative thoughts and feelings)
Less self-criticism
More kindness toward one’s self
Greater sense of connection
Greater sense of mindfulness
Self-compassion can also benefit your physical health. We know that stress can negatively impact your health, and practicing self-compassion lowers stress. Research shows that people who practice self-compassion:
Get sick less often
Report fewer negative physical symptoms
Need the healthcare system less frequently
Are more likely to engage in healthy behaviors like exercise
The bottom line
Practicing self-compassion can strengthen your overall health and emotional well-being. But learning to be kinder and more patient with yourself can take some practice. Everyone struggles with negative thoughts about themselves sometimes. And many of us find it easier to demonstrate compassion for others than for ourselves. So whenever you need to drown out your inner critic, try one of the exercises listed in this article. You can also make these exercises part of your daily routine to help increase your self-compassion over time.
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References
Cameranesi, M., et al. (2019). Linking a history of childhood abuse to adult health among Canadians: A structural equation modelling analysis. International Journal of Environmental Research and Public Health.
Center for Mindful Self-Compassion. (n.d.). Free meditations & practices.
Ferrari, M., et al. (2019). Self-compassion interventions and psychosocial outcomes: A meta-analysis of RCTs. Mindfulness.
Grand Valley State University. (2022). Self-compassion: Week one: Defining and exploring self-compassion in your own life.
Homan, K. J., et al. (2017). Self-compassion and physical health: Exploring the roles of perceived stress and health-promoting behaviors. Health Psychology Open.
Mindfulness Exercises. (n.d.). Mindfulness body scan for gratitude.
Neff, K. (n.d.). Exercise 2: Self-compassion break. Self-Compassion.
Neff, K. (n.d.). Exercise 4: Supportive touch. Self-Compassion.
Neff, K. (n.d.). Why we need to have compassion for our inner critic. Self-Compassion.
Urken, D., et al. (2021). A randomized controlled trial of a self-compassion writing intervention for adults with mental illness. Research on Social Work Practice.
For additional resources or to connect with mental health services in your area, call SAMHSA’s National Helpline at 1-800-662-4357. For immediate assistance, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 988, or text HOME to 741-741 to reach the Crisis Text Line.
