What to Do If You Feel Like You Don’t Fit In Anywhere
Key takeaways:
It’s normal to feel like you don’t fit in sometimes.
There are many reasons why you could feel like you don’t fit in. Maybe you’ve been bullied or betrayed by other people. Or maybe you have a physical or mental health condition that makes you feel different.
If you feel like you don’t fit in, it can be helpful to find other people who are similar to you, learn new communication skills, and find ways to practice self-compassion. Self-reflection can go a long way, too.
Table of contents
Have you ever felt like you don’t fit in? If so, you’re definitely not alone. Most people have experienced this feeling at some point in time.
Sometimes it’s temporary — like when you start a new job, or find yourself in a situation that’s outside of your usual comfort zone. These feelings may subside as you get used to the new situation and make connections.
But for some people, the sense of not fitting in can linger. And if you’re having trouble fitting in, you might wonder: Is there anything I can do to help? Here are some ideas to consider.
Search and compare options
What can you do when you don’t fit in anywhere?
It can be hard to feel like you don’t fit in anywhere. That’s why it’s important to be kind to yourself, practice self-compassion, and do what you can to boost your self-esteem. Learning more about yourself as a person — and how you communicate — can also go a long way.
Let’s take a closer look.
Reflect on yourself
It can be helpful to think about why you have trouble fitting in with people. Perhaps you’re trying to befriend people who have different interests or values than you do. Or maybe it’s hard for you to communicate with other people.
Self-reflection tools like journaling, meditating, or therapy can also help. These practices are great ways to learn about yourself and your relationships.
Learn new communication skills
Are social situations hard for you? Many people have trouble fitting in because they have a hard time communicating or connecting with others. And if this is the case for you, learning new communication skills can go a long way toward helping you connect with others.
Here are some tips for healthy communication to get you started:
Practice active listening. Try to be fully present when another person is speaking. Try not to dominate the conversation or interrupt. Let the person finish speaking before responding, and acknowledge that you heard what they said.
Use inviting body language. Nonverbal cues are a large part of how we communicate. Be aware of your facial expressions and body language as you speak to ensure that they’re expressing what you want to say. For example, crossed arms can communicate “stay away,” so you wouldn't want to have this position when asking someone out on a date.
Focus on compromise, not conflict. It’s normal to disagree with other people at times. When you’re in these situations, try to understand where the other person is coming from, rather than forcing your opinion on them. The goal should be working together toward a mutually beneficial outcome, rather than “winning” the conflict.
Read more like this
Explore these related articles, suggested for readers like you.
If you’re looking for more guidance on how to communicate effectively, you can also seek out classes, books, or therapists that can help you with these types of social skills.
Boost your self-esteem
Self-esteem is how you view yourself. And if you feel like you don’t fit in, then you may struggle with low self-esteem, or a low opinion of yourself. Working on your self-esteem can help you feel better about yourself, and more at ease in social situations.
Here are some ideas for boosting your self-esteem:
Reflect on your personal achievements.
Take note of your skills and talents and find ways to celebrate them.
Challenge yourself to learn a new skill.
And remember: Fitting in is only one part of your life and doesn’t define you as a person. Some things come more easily to certain people, and that’s OK.
Practice self-compassion
Self-compassion means being supportive and kind to yourself — even during hard times, or when you make a mistake. When you practice self-compassion, you extend the same understanding to yourself that you often give to others.
There are many ways to practice self-compassion, but one way to get started is to keep a daily journal. In your journal, reflect on any events of the day that were painful, difficult, or caused you to be self-critical. As you write, try to:
Acknowledge the difficult emotions that you felt. Accept, rather than judge, your experience.
Reflect on how your experience is connected to the larger world. Remember that you are human and not alone in your experience.
Practice self-kindness by giving yourself love, comfort, and reassurance.
Practicing self-compassion can feel strange at first, but it tends to get easier over time.
Find like-minded people
If you feel like you don’t quite fit in with other people, it could be that you haven’t found the right people to connect with. Seeking out new ways to meet people could be the answer. And fortunately, in today’s world, there are many ways to meet people and build positive, meaningful connections — both in-person and online (more on this below).
Is it normal to feel like you don’t fit in?
Absolutely. Everyone feels like an outsider from time to time. And these days, more people than ever are feeling lonely and disconnected. In fact, one recent national survey found that over 1 in 3 of adults in the U.S. felt lonely almost all of the time. Loneliness is especially common in young adults, mothers of young children, and older adults.
Why do some people feel like they don’t fit in anywhere?
It’s hard to say. There are many different reasons that people feel like they don’t fit in, including:
Being mocked or bullied in the past
Having a physical or mental health condition
Being sensitive to what other people think about you
Having different personal, religious, spiritual, or political beliefs than other people
Being part of a group that has faced prejudice, stereotype, and/or discrimination
Having different hobbies or interests from other people your age
Having a hard time trusting other people
Neurodiversity can also make it hard to fit in with other people, too. Neurodiversity is the idea that people think, learn, or behave in many different ways — and there’s no one “right” way to do so.
These days the term “neurodiverse” is typically used to refer to a person with autism, dyslexia, or attention deficit-hyperactivity disorder (ADHD). People who are neurodiverse can sometimes have difficulty communicating their thoughts and feelings, and have trouble understanding certain aspects of communication.
Can not fitting in affect your mental health?
Yes. Feeling like you don’t fit in can have a big impact on your mental health.
If you feel like you don’t fit in, you might experience loneliness and social isolation — which are linked to higher rates of major depression and anxiety among people of all ages. People who are isolated and lonely also have a higher risk for suicide and self-harm. In fact, loneliness is the strongest predictor of suicidal thoughts and attempts.
While it’s clearly evident that the isolation and loneliness that can come from not fitting in are linked to mental health concerns, social connectedness, or the feeling of being supported and cared for by others, can help lower the risk of depression, anxiety disorders, and other conditions.
How can you find the right people to connect with?
For many people, it’s easiest to connect with other people who share your beliefs and values.
If you feel like you don’t fit in — or are feeling isolated and lonely — it might be worthwhile to seek out people who share your interests. This could mean:
Volunteering for a cause that you’re passionate about
Joining a social club or activity group
Taking a class in something that interests you, such as art or music
Joining a sports team
You could also visit places in your community where like-minded people are likely to spend time. Some of these places even offer classes, workshops, or events that you could attend as well. Look for options in your neighborhood, such as:
Church or other religious center
Recreation center or YMCA
Library
Coffee shop
Dog park
Gym or yoga studio
Museum
And finally, don’t rule out social media and apps. These can be another great way to meet people like you, and even make friends. Popular options include:
Bumble for Friends: View profiles of potential friends and swipe right if you’d like to connect.
Stitch: A friendship app for adults over age 50
Peanut: An app for mothers at any stage of life, including those who are trying to conceive or in menopause
Meetup: Allows you to search for local groups and events of interest
The bottom line
It’s totally normal to feel like you don’t fit in with other people sometimes, but that doesn’t mean it’s easy. If you’re hoping to connect more with others, it can be helpful to work on learning new communication skills, boosting your self-esteem, and practicing self-compassion. It can also be helpful to try to connect with people who are similar to you. After all, having meaningful connections with other people is good for your mental health — and a great way to keep loneliness at bay.
Why trust our experts?
References
American Psychological Association. (2023). Self-esteem.
Baumer, N., et al. (2021). What is neurodiversity? Harvard Health Publishing.
Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. (2021). Loneliness and social isolation linked to serious health conditions.
Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. (2023). How does social connectedness affect health?
Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. (2023). Social connectedness.
Janke, S., et al. (2023). Why do minority students feel they don’t fit in? Migration background and parental education differentially predict social ostracism and belongingness. Group Processes & Intergroup Relations.
Making Caring Common Project. (2021). Loneliness in America: How the pandemic has deepened an epidemic of loneliness and what we can do about it. Harvard Graduate School of Education.
Mental Health America. (n.d.). Fitting in and self-esteem.
Neff, K. (n.d.). Exercise 6: Self-compassion journal. Self-Compassion.
USC Annenberg. (n.d). How to improve your communication skills.
U.S. Department of Homeland Security. (2022). Improve your self-esteem.
For additional resources or to connect with mental health services in your area, call SAMHSA’s National Helpline at 1-800-662-4357. For immediate assistance, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 988, or text HOME to 741-741 to reach the Crisis Text Line.
