5 Ways to Help Someone Who Self-Harms Get the Support They Need

Self-harm, also referred to as non-suicidal self-injury, refers to any behavior where a person intentionally inflicts harm on themselves. It can involve cutting, burning, or hitting one’s self, as well as other actions that cause injury. There are many reasons a person may self-harm, such as a way to cope with feelings of anger, loneliness, and shame. 

Some people who self-harm may be very private about it, while others may want loved ones to know because they want support. When someone you know self-harms, it can be hard to know what to say or do, especially if you have never experienced it yourself. 

How can you help someone who self-harms?

Here are some steps you can take to support a loved one who may be self-harming. 

1. Do your research

Before speaking with your loved one about self-harm, do more research on the topic and identify national and local resources. If you have never self-harmed, it can be very difficult to understand why someone would hurt themselves. Learning more about it can help you approach your loved one with understanding and compassion. 

2. Share your concerns

If you suspect that someone you know is self-harming, bring up your concerns in a nonjudgmental way. You can start by sharing that you are worried about them. Then give them a chance to respond and just listen. 

It can be hard to hear that someone you care about is self-harming. But listening and expressing empathy through statements like “that sounds really difficult” can go a long way. 

3. Share resources

You can also share resources with them, such as 24-hour hotlines that they can call or message if they feel urges to self-harm (more on this below). You can also offer to help them find a mental health provider or treatment center if they are open to it. Treatment can help them learn coping strategies to manage their emotions and develop healthier outlets. 

4. Respect their wishes

When offering help and resources, it’s important to respect your loved one’s autonomy. They may not be ready to get help. If they refuse, let them know that you respect their decision and that they can come to you in the future if they change their mind. 

5. Maintain your boundaries

It can be stressful to see a loved one injuring themselves. That’s why it’s important to maintain your boundaries and self-care when supporting someone else. There may be times when you don’t have the emotional energy to provide a listening ear. That’s OK. You can encourage your loved one to reach out to someone else. And consider seeking your own support from a mental health professional.

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What should you not do to help someone who self-harms?

When it comes to helping a person who is self-harming, you should not:

• Ignore the problem

• Make a joke of it

• Break the person’s trust by telling others

• Shame the person

• Give an ultimatum

All of these actions can lead your loved one to shut down. They can also prevent your loved one from asking you or anyone else for help in the future.

How can you help someone recovering from self-harming behavior?

Recovery from self-harming behavior is an ongoing process and does not happen overnight. Your loved one may face challenges. And as a family member or friend, you can play a significant role in supporting them.

Some ways that you can show your support include:

• Checking in on how they are doing

• Helping to make treatment more accessible by offering to help them find a provider, assist with the cost, or provide transportation 

• Offering to attend family therapy with them

• Taking care of your mental health by practicing good self-care and seeking treatment yourself

• Asking them how you can best support their recovery

• Encouraging them to practice new coping skills

When should you seek emergency care for someone who wants to self-harm?

If your loved one’s injuries are serious, they may need medical attention. But it can be difficult to tell whether or not an injury is serious, especially if you are not a medical professional. 

Any of the following symptoms warrant medical attention right away: 

• Loses consciousness

• Has a severe burn

• Has a broken bone

• Has a wound won’t stop bleeding 

Another instance where you may need to get emergency help is if they are having suicidal thoughts. If your loved one has a specific plan for suicide and a timeline, they may need emergency hospitalization to keep them safe. You can use the Columbia suicide assesment questions to better understand your loved one’s risk.

In either case, it is best if the person will agree to get help on their own terms. You should first express your concerns and encourage them to get emergency help. If they are having a medical emergency, you can offer to take them to the nearest hospital or urgent care clinic. 

If they are having a mental health crisis, you can encourage them to call the Suicide Prevention Hotline at 988 or offer to take them to the nearest hospital. 

When a person is having a medical or mental health emergency and refuses help, you will have to take action to keep them safe. For medical emergencies, call 911. 

For mental health crises, contact the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline at 988, your local mobile crisis team, or 911. If you contact 911, be sure to explain that the person is having a mental health emergency. Request that an officer with training in crisis intervention be dispatched. 

What resources are available to help someone who self-harms?

People who self-harm may benefit from crisis support. Hotlines offer a free and confidential place where people can talk about their urges to self-harm and identify other ways to cope. The following resources all offer 24/7 crisis support: 

• 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline: The lifeline provides confidential support to anyone experiencing a crisis or suicidal thoughts. To contact the lifeline, simply call or text 988. 

• Boys Town National Hotline: The hotline offers professional crisis help for teens and their families. You can contact the hotline by calling 1-800-448-3000 or texting “VOICE” to 20121.

• Trans Lifeline: The Trans Lifeline offers peer support for anyone who identifies as transgender. You can reach the lifeline at 1-877-565-8860.

• The Trevor Project: The Trevor Project provides support to LGBTQ+ youth. You can reach them by calling 1-866-488-7386 or texting “START” to 678-678. You can also chat with a counselor online. 

• National Sexual Assault Hotline: The hotline provides help from a trained counselor for survivors of sexual abuse and assault. You can reach the hotline at 1-800-656-HOPE or by chatting online. 

The following nonprofit organizations offer information and support for people who self-harm, but are not sources of crisis support. Many of them provide tools, additional resources, and directories for treatment centers and providers.

• To Write Love on Her Arms

• Adolescent Self-Injury Foundation

• National Alliance on Mental Illness

• Self-Injury Outreach & Support

Why trust our experts?

Written by:

Emily Guarnotta, PsyD

Emily Guarnotta, PsyD, is a licensed clinical psychologist and certified perinatal mental health professional with over 10 years of clinical experience.

Edited by:

Renée Fabian, MA

Renée Fabian is the senior pet health editor at GoodRx. She’s worked for nearly 10 years as a journalist and editor across a wide range of health and well-being topics.

Reviewed by:

India B. Gomez, PhD

India B. Gomez, PhD, is a licensed clinical psychologist with a certificate in Latin American Family Therapy. She completed her doctoral education at the California School of Professional Psychology/Alliant International University.

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