10 Easy Ways to Manage Anger and Regain Your Cool

Experts consider anger a basic emotion along with happiness, sadness, and fear. It’s a natural response to stressful or frustrating circumstances — like rush-hour traffic, a disagreement with a partner, or financial pressures.

Anger can be incredibly helpful. For example, it can alert you that someone has violated your boundaries or you need to set boundaries. It can also help you take action against injustice, such as racial discrimination. And it can motivate you to step away from situations that aren’t serving you, like an overly demanding job.

But sometimes anger can be unhelpful, especially when you’re feeling overwhelmed. When you struggle with effective ways to manage intense anger, it can take a toll on your health and your relationships. That’s when it might be time to consider coping skills.

Tips for coping with anger

If intense anger is disrupting your life, try these coping skills. Some focus on doing something physical, like walking or breathing to calm your body. Others focus on ways to communicate when you’re ready. 

1. Think before you speak. Take a moment to figure out what’s bringing up angry feelings. Listen and ask questions to better understand the situation before reacting based on how you feel.  

2. Once you're calm, express your concerns. You stand a better chance of being heard if you speak calmly rather than scream. It’s perfectly fine to take a short break or some deep breaths to soothe your anger first.

3. Get some exercise. Going for a walk or doing yoga can help work out some of the intensity of your emotions. It’s OK to say, “Can we talk about this after my run?”

4. Take a timeout. Ask for time to cool off, and do something relaxing, like painting or meditating. Give yourself an opportunity to reflect on the situation and decide how best to move forward. 

5. Identify possible solutions. Explore ways to resolve the situation peacefully. Ask questions such as, “What do you think about this idea?” 

6. Stick with “I” statements. Starting sentences with the word “I” can help you communicate your thoughts without blaming others. Here’s an example: “I felt angry when you called me out in the meeting because it embarrassed me. I’d prefer a private conversation in the future.”  

7. Use humor to release tension. A little levity can go a long way toward de-escalating a situation. But Barbara Kamholz, associate professor of psychiatry at Boston University School of Medicine, says to use humor with caution. “Humor can backfire, so make sure you know your audience and use it thoughtfully and carefully.”

8. Take two to three slow breaths. Deep breaths can stabilize heightened emotions. It’s like pressing a pause button just long enough for you to regain a sense of control. 

9. Count to 10. Counting to 10 is another way to press the pause button on your anger. It gives you a break to gather your thoughts and then respond.

10. Change your scenery. Anger can make you feel trapped. Take a few minutes to go to another room or step outside. Just be careful not to storm off. You want to communicate that you’ll be back once you’ve had a chance to cool down. 

Is anger management effective for coping with anger?

Anger management is not one coping strategy but a set of strategies. Think of it as a toolbox. The strategies that work for you go into your toolbox, and the ones that don’t stay out.

You can practice anger management techniques on your own. You can also enroll in an official anger management program, which may be offered by therapists or other health clinics. Tools in an anger management program may include:

• An anger meter to monitor your moods daily

• A way to identify triggers that lead to anger

• A way to identify your cues or warning signs that you’re getting angry

• A record of in-the-moment coping strategies like the ones listed above

• A chart with the names of people you can reach out to for support

• Relaxation techniques

• Steps to take toward conflict resolution

• An anger or moods journal  

What strategies don’t work to manage anger?

An effective coping strategy guides you toward calming explosive feelings and then communicating in a helpful way. 

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Ineffective anger management strategies avoid situations or bury your feelings until you feel like exploding. Here are a few strategies that generally don’t work as well.

Dodging difficult situations

“Trying to avoid anything that makes you angry is not a realistic option,” says Kamholz. “Then when you find yourself in a position where you’re angry, which is absolutely going to happen, you won’t know how to successfully manage your anger.”

Pushing down your anger

“This is also called ‘suppressing,’” says Kamholz. “It’s when you hold anger in and try not to feel it or express it.” Suppression can affect your physical and mental health and lead to conditions such as:

• Heart disease

• Atherosclerosis (thickening of the arteries)

• Lack of physical activity

• Alcohol and other substance misuse

• Depression

Acting on your urges to smash stuff

Rage is uncontrollable anger that may incite violence or aggressive behavior. It may make you feel like throwing, punching, or smashing things. These urges are understandable. But some research suggests that “venting” your anger in this way may actually increase your anger.

Rage rooms, smash clubs, and scream groups provide a safe, nonjudgmental space for you to destroy things. But rage rooms only allow you to vent your anger, not to work through it. Even the act of punching your pillow at home falls into this category. They don’t provide a long-term solution for managing anger.

How to know when you’re getting angry

Have you ever noticed the changes in your body when you get angry? Maybe your heart races and your hands ball up into fists. Or perhaps your face turns red and you raise your voice. These are all normal reactions. But the key to controlling anger is to recognize the signs before they get out of hand. 

“The earlier you can notice you are angry, the better you’ll be able to manage your anger with coping skills,” says Kamholz. “We are always better at managing our reactions when we notice them early before they get big or explosive.”

You might want to start taking an inventory of your symptoms. Signs you’re getting angry may include:

• Clenched jaw

• Faster heart rate

• Overheating

• Speech volume getting louder

• Pounding in your temples

• Face flushing

• Muscle tension, often in your shoulders

• Gripping the arms of your chair if you’re sitting

• Stomping instead of walking normally

• Slamming doors or cabinets

• Animated hand gestures

• Faster breathing

Use these early indicators as a sign that it’s time to put a coping strategy into play. For example, if you feel your jaw and muscles tense up, start taking deep breaths and counting to 10. If you feel your heart racing and your speech getting louder, move to another room for a few minutes or go for a walk. Take control of your anger before it takes control over you. 

When should I talk to a therapist about my anger?

Coping strategies can provide the tools you need to manage anger. But if you feel like your anger is out of control and causing problems in other areas of your life, it could be time to seek professional help. 

“When anger causes significant distress in your life or problems in your relationships, when it’s interfering with the life you want to be living — that’s when it’s time to seek out a professional,” says Kamholz. 

A mental health counselor can help you better understand why and what to do about it. They may take you through a type of treatment called cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT). CBT can help you identify your triggers and explore techniques to deal with those triggers.

As you go through therapy, your counselor may ask you to try different strategies. Some of them will help you and some of them won’t. That’s normal. Keep working with your therapist until you feel you have control over your anger.

Resources and support for anger

Many free resources are available online for people who want to work on their anger. Below are some ways to learn coping skills or get support. 

• The Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration’s free anger management workbook is filled with worksheets, exercises, and strategies.

• AIMS for Anger Management is a free app for iPhone and Androids, developed by the Department of Veterans Affairs (VA). It offers anger tracking tools, educational materials, and tips for what to do when you get angry. It was created with veterans in mind but is available to anyone.

• To find a support group, do a Google search using the words “anger management support group near me.” You can also ask a therapist in your area or contact a local community center. This Psychology Today search tool may also help. 

• Coursesity has a list of free anger management courses, including CBT Techniques for Anger Management and Anger is Your Ally: A Mindful Approach to Anger.

• Emotions Anonymous offers 12-step support groups online and in person for people who want to get better at managing their emotions.  

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Written by:

Ana Gascon

Ana Gascon has over 15 years of writing and editing experience, with 8 years in health and medical content work. She is a versatile health and medical content creator who writes about acute conditions, chronic diseases, mental health challenges, and health equity.

Edited by:

Renée Fabian, MA

Renée Fabian is the senior pet health editor at GoodRx. She’s worked for nearly 10 years as a journalist and editor across a wide range of health and well-being topics.

Reviewed by:

India B. Gomez, PhD

India B. Gomez, PhD, is a licensed clinical psychologist with a certificate in Latin American Family Therapy. She completed her doctoral education at the California School of Professional Psychology/Alliant International University.

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