How to Talk About Hospice Care With Your Loved One

Discussing end-of-life care with a loved one can be a difficult experience. But having an open and compassionate conversation about hospice care options is essential whenever possible. 

Ideally, you and your loved one will talk about their end-of-life options before the need arises. Making these decisions in advance can help ensure you’re able to honor your loved one’s wishes during their final months.

How to talk about hospice care with a loved one

Having open conversations about hospice preferences with loved ones can be challenging. But it's a crucial step when someone you care about is nearing the end of their life. Understanding someone's wishes regarding medical intervention, preferred place of death, and overall care goals can ensure that their desires are honored. 

Too often, decisions about hospice care aren’t made until someone’s death is imminent. But this makes it so patients and their families can’t get the full benefits of hospice care. It often means that the person who’s nearing the end of their life may have to endure months of hospitalizations instead of a more comfortable experience in their preferred environment.

Conversation starters for hospice care

If you’re unsure how to talk about hospice care with your loved one, the following conversation starters can help: 

• Help me understand what’s important to you during this time.

• How do you feel about being in the hospital versus being at home?

• Do you want to be pain-free even if it means you might not be alert?

• Who do you want to be around you when you are receiving care?

• Who do you want to be with when the care is no longer working?

• What decisions are you comfortable allowing someone else to make about your care?

• Tell me what you would like your funeral or memorial service to be like.

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These are difficult, emotional questions that can be hard to bring up with someone you love. So, take time to have these discussions in an intentional way. Be compassionate if you recognize that your loved one is having a hard time. Let them answer these questions on their own time and in their own way. If they don’t want to speak to you directly, they can type, write, or record their answers. 

What to consider when discussing end of life

Initiating conversations about end-of-life care can help ensure a loved one’s final wishes are understood. Remember, doing this is an act of deep compassion. When broaching this sensitive topic, proceed with empathy, patience, and respect for the other person’s beliefs and perspectives. 

Here are a few things to consider to help you prepare for these important discussions.

Let your loved one lead

Don’t make assumptions about their views on hospice or end-of-life care. Instead, ask open-ended questions to understand their perspectives, fears, and values around this sensitive topic. Recognize that race, cultural background, religious beliefs, and age can all have an effect on someone’s attitudes about hospice. If their beliefs are different from yours, try to listen without judgment.

Understand hospice care

Ensure your loved one understands that hospice provides supportive care for a terminal illness that can’t be cured. Hospice care is focused on comfort rather than a cure. 

Document the conversation

Take notes on your conversations with your loved one so that you can refer back to what was discussed. You can also have a family member or trusted friend take notes during the discussion. Gather resources that can help you organize your loved one’s responses and keep important information handy. 

Consider the logistics

Investigate practical factors like insurance coverage for hospice care. Tour some local facilities if your loved one will be receiving hospice care outside the home. 

If in-home options are preferred, be prepared to make some modifications to your home. You may need to move furniture to accommodate different bedding and equipment needs. 

Also, having a plan in place — such as an advanced directive — can allow your loved one to choose someone to make decisions for them if they can’t.

Recognize emotional readiness

Don’t force the issue if your loved one isn’t ready to have this discussion. Instead, reaffirm your support and bring up the conversation at a later time. 

How should I manage my feelings and concerns around a loved one in hospice?

Feeling sad, anxious, or having anticipatory grief is normal if a loved one is nearing the end of their life. You can manage these feelings with the following tips:

• Seek support from friends, family, counselors, or clergy.

• Practice your own self-care as much as you can. 

• Take short walks or step outside for some fresh air and sunlight. 

• Listen to music that relaxes you.

• Continue practicing yoga or other fitness routines as you normally would. 

• Do some journaling to express your feelings about the hospice experience.

Most hospice teams have experience in helping family members manage their emotions. They typically offer grief counseling before, during, and after the hospice experience. They can also help you find grief support organizations or classes. 

Throughout this time, be gentle with yourself and understand that it’s OK to have a variety of feelings. Your feelings may change every day, and that’s normal. 

Sharing the news of hospice with others

Your loved one may have people they want to tell about their decision to enter hospice care. You may also have friends, family members, or co-workers you want to share this with. As you communicate this information, remember that it may be hard for others to accept this. And they may react in ways you hadn’t expected. 

Some people prefer to share this news via a group text or social media page, with their loved one’s permission. If this is your preference, know that you don’t have to go into detail about the situation. You can let people know that this is a difficult time, and that you’ll let them know if something changes.

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Written by:

Liz Talago, MEd

Liz Talago, MEd, is a mental health content writer and strategist whose work is infused with clinical expertise, behavioral science, and empathic storytelling. After spending years on the front lines of mental health care, Liz now partners with mission-driven organizations across the globe to create digital tools and experiences that enhance well-being.

Edited by:

Renée Fabian, MA

Renée Fabian is the senior pet health editor at GoodRx. She’s worked for nearly 10 years as a journalist and editor across a wide range of health and well-being topics.

Reviewed by:

Patricia Pinto-Garcia, MD, MPH

Patricia Pinto-Garcia, MD, MPH, is a medical editor at GoodRx. She is a licensed, board-certified pediatrician with more than a decade of experience in academic medicine.

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