How IVF Feels: Real Stories From 4 Women
Key takeaways:
In vitro fertilization (IVF) is a type of assisted reproductive technology that people can use to become pregnant.
Some people have success with one cycle of IVF. Others need several cycles. But, even with several cycles, IVF is not always successful.
Undergoing fertility treatments can be mentally and physically challenging. The hormones can cause mood swings, and the injections can be painful.
IVF — also known as in vitro fertilization — is a widely used process that helps people get pregnant with the help of medical intervention.
It involves eggs being fertilized with sperm outside of the body. Once the eggs are fertilized and turn into embryos, they are then placed inside of the uterus to grow.
Sometimes, IVF works in one try. But for some people, it takes many tries and does not always work. And that can be emotionally and physically draining — not to mention expensive.
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Here’s how four women describe what it’s like to go through the IVF process.
IVF can be lonely and isolating
As a teenager, Melissa Raymond was diagnosed with polycystic ovary syndrome (PCOS), a hormone imbalance that can affect different parts of the body, including the reproductive system.
Later in life, when she and her husband began trying to conceive, they decided to seek out assistance from a reproductive endocrinologist.
“It turned out my husband had male factor infertility as well, so we were good candidates for IVF,” says Melissa, who’s now 32 and lives in Annapolis, Maryland.
The diagnosis of infertility — coupled with previous pregnancy loss — was an emotional burden, she says. After meeting with the specialist, she and her husband decided to wait about a year and a half before starting fertility treatments.
“IVF started with monitoring my hormone levels and follicle counts, then doing a stimulatory cycle, then an egg retrieval procedure,” Melissa explains.
Once she began the treatments, she realized just how involved the process of IVF was. Melissa’s care team continually monitored her hormone levels and uterine lining. They gave her progesterone and estrogen injections. Finally, they performed a frozen embryo transfer.
Melissa says the most difficult part of the process for her was the stimulatory cycle.
“I developed a condition called OHSS, ovarian hyperstimulation syndrome, which caused me to retain fluid in my abdomen after my egg retrieval,” she says. “It caused significant discomfort and bloating.”
Melissa also found it difficult to deal with the big shifts in hormone levels, which affected her moods. And the hormone injections were quite painful. Melissa recalls the needles as being large and often causing bruising.
While the injections and the stimulatory cycle came with quite a bit of discomfort, Melissa says, the frozen embryo transfer was painless. “It takes only a couple of minutes. That part was probably the easiest step,” she adds.
In addition to the physical challenges of IVF, Melissa says it was a highly emotional process: “I had a lot of emotions related to my earlier miscarriage. I had feelings of my body failing me, and I had feelings of resentment for everyone I knew who could conceive without assistance.”
Melissa says she even had to miss out on several of her friends' baby showers because it just felt too hurtful to attend. She also says she felt guilty about the high cost of IVF and wondered if she was even meant to have biological children.
“I saw a lot of messaging online about people who thought parents who can’t conceive naturally should ‘just adopt.’ It took me years to realize that any parent could choose adoption, and it isn’t the exclusive responsibility of infertile couples to adopt all children in need,” Melissa says.
Your entire life revolves around IVF
Becky Clapper, a 36-year-old strategic business analyst and small business owner in Maryland, is a mother of two. Both of her children were conceived through IVF. And she has experienced both a frozen embryo transfer and a fresh embryo transfer.
Like many others who have gone through IVF, Becky found the process to be draining. She, too, had experienced pregnancy loss. And during both of her IVF pregnancies, she felt like she was walking on eggshells the entire time.
“With fertility, not only are you dealing with the emotional journey, you are also dealing with the physical. Blood draws, scans, and injections are your norm,” she says. “My arms and butt were covered in bruises.”
Becky says it felt as though her entire life revolved around IVF: “When you’re going through the retrieval process to harvest the embryos, you’re in the fertility office every day.”
One of the most challenging parts of IVF for Becky was having to give herself hormone injections at the same time every day. The injections were painful — and not always convenient. She recalls being on an airplane once and needing to use the bathroom to inject herself. The flight attendant wanted her to stay seated because they were experiencing turbulence. So Becky had to explain the urgency.
Becky found other aspects of IVF, like progesterone suppositories, unpleasant as well. “They were so goopy, and you feel like you’re wet all the time,” she says.
Since she was under mild sedation, she didn’t find the egg-retrieval process itself to be painful, at least.
Having experienced both a fresh and frozen embryo transfer, the fresh cycle required lots of monitoring and the transfer was harder to schedule, she says. But the procedure was similar for both. “You are brought into a room, you’re put in stirrups. They put the speculum in, and then, using a sonogram on your stomach, they thread the catheter up and then release it [the embryo],” she explains.
The transfer is done without anesthesia. And, according to Becky, the pain and discomfort is similar to getting an IUD inserted. There’s “some cramping and some pressure, and then you just lay there for 5 minutes and then get up and walk out,” she says.
Becky points out that, for many people, IVF can be a major financial burden. She says she was fortunate that her husband’s insurance covered most of the expenses. “They [the insurance company] covered three attempts per live birth, and we just had to meet our maximum out-of-pocket expenses,” she says.
A long and painful process
Katie Walsh, who is 40 and lives in Capitol Heights, Maryland, has one child: a daughter who was born in September 2021.
Before their daughter was born, Katie and her husband tried to conceive for more than a year before going to a fertility specialist. They decided to try IVF and, like Becky, their insurance covered three attempts per live birth.
“We got very lucky,” she says of having insurance coverage for the transfers. “We came in at the very last second. Our daughter was our third transfer.”
But the process was not always joyful, she says.
“It’s so frustrating when you’re, like, I just want this to happen now,” she says. “It feels like you’re the only one going through this. People do not talk about it. This is not something you see anyone post on Facebook. It just feels like it’s one birth announcement after another. It feels like everybody else in the world can get pregnant.”
In total, Katie underwent three rounds of IVF. Her first and second cycles ended in a miscarriage, but she remained hopeful. While the journey was long and painful, Katie says it was all worth it.
She recalls how she felt the moment her IVF journey was a success. “I remember the day I graduated from my clinic. I took a selfie leaving the fertility clinic doors,” she says.
A lesson in being more understanding
Jessica Zadera, who is 42 and works in the veterinary field in Annapolis, Maryland, went with her husband to a fertility specialist after more than a year of trying to conceive. They were both in their 30s and, Jessica says, she felt like the clock was ticking.
They decided to do one round of IVF and were excited when it was successful. Since their insurance did not cover IVF, they had to take out a loan for $17,000. The loan plan included three cycles. And even though the couple only needed one cycle, there was no option for a refund.
“It was a lot of money. We really thought hard about it to come to that decision,” Jessica says.
The daily fertility injections didn’t really bother her. She remembers feeling some cramping during the egg retrieval, but nothing unmanageable. And when she went back for the embryo transfer, Jessica says, it was a cool experience to be able to watch it happen in real time on the monitor. She had two viable embryos and asked that both be implanted.
“I remember being really glad that I didn’t have a bunch of viable ones, because I remember thinking: ‘What am I going to do with them all?’” she says. Even though both embryos were transferred, only one ended up progressing into pregnancy.
Jessica says that she hopes by sharing her story that more people will realize just how important it is to choose their words carefully when talking about IVF. She describes overhearing several coworkers talking one day, and one coworker said they didn’t agree with IVF and thought that if people couldn’t have kids naturally, then they shouldn’t have them at all.
While this was not said to Jessica directly, it made her feel sad to know that one of her coworkers might not support her pregnancy journey. “People need to be more understanding and less judgmental of what someone is going through,” she says. “You never know someone’s journey.”
What does the doctor say?
Patricia Pinto-Garcia, MD, MPH
Medical Editor
IVF is a form of assisted reproductive technology (ART). IVF and ART have been helping people create families for decades. While it may not be for everyone, ART is an enormous medical milestone that has changed the lives of millions of people. Today, about 1% to 2% of all children in the U.S. are born via IVF. That’s 4 million babies born each year.
Going through IVF is an all-consuming process that can last anywhere from weeks to months to years. Everyone’s journey is different. As these stories show, the physical aspect can be uncomfortable, but it’s the emotional toll that people carry with them.
It’s important to remember that you’re not alone during your IVF journey. In fact, there’s about 4 million families going through the exact same thing. Finding a support group can help you get through the process. While there are in-person groups all over the country, there’s also robust virtual communities you can join.
For many people, the IVF process is their first experience being entrenched in the medical system. And it can be a steep learning curve. While your fertility center can be a great source of information, you may have questions you want to ask in a more neutral or comfortable environment.
Support groups can provide answers to the questions you’re too nervous to ask or that you might not know to ask. Not only can these communities offer you tips on how to navigate (and afford) the process, but they can also offer support and comfort. These communities are filled with stories of hope and inspiration that you and your family can draw on as you navigate the IVF process.
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