Social-Emotional Development: What Parents Should Know
Key takeaways:
Social-emotional development refers to your child’s ability to have positive relationships and deal effectively with their emotions.
Your child’s relationships, education, and future success are all connected to their social and emotional skills.
You can help with your child’s social-emotional development by setting a positive example, supporting their social-emotional learning, and seeking professional help if needed.
Table of contents
Why do some children have an easy time making friends and coping with problems, while others struggle? Adults often deal with similar problems, which may have started in childhood. These issues often relate to social-emotional development.
Fortunately, by supporting your child’s development, you can improve their chances for an easier and brighter future.
What is social-emotional development?
Social-emotional development refers to two overlapping areas. First, social development is the ability to have ongoing positive relationships. Second, emotional development is about understanding and expressing emotions. Together, those make up social-emotional skills.
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While the term social-emotional development is sometimes used in reference to adults, it most often refers to kids. Understanding this important process is key for kids’ future. In fact, it’s so important that schools in the U.S. now include it in their curriculums.
The Collaborative for Academic, Social, and Emotional Learning (CASEL) sets the guidelines for what’s called social-emotional learning (SEL). The recommendations apply to children of all ages.
SEL topics focus on the following:
Self-awareness
Self-management
Decision-making
Relationship skills
Social awareness
One reason educators focus on social-emotional development is because positive skills help kids in school. It’s difficult to learn if you’re distracted by conflicts or confused about emotions. For example, understanding that all humans have emotional responses is a big step in managing them.
Educators also recognize that learning isn’t just about reading and math. Being able to make friends, get along with people, and deal with conflicts are all important.
Fortunately, social-emotional learning programs in schools seem to make a difference. Hundreds of studies have found that education in this area helps with:
Improving social skills
Enabling success in school
Preventing or improving emotional struggles
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What age does social-emotional development begin?
Social-emotional development begins at birth. A child’s relationships with adults create the foundation for social-emotional success.
Babies first express emotions to caretakers at around 2 months old. This is seen through smiling. Between around 6 months to 12 months old, they develop an attachment to their main caregivers and prefer them over strangers.
By age 5, children become more social and learn to interact with peers. By age 9, friends become particularly important in their lives. Through the teenage years, they begin to experience more complex relationships. Teens learn how to deal with these new challenges through their relationships with adults.
As children grow, their relationships with their teachers are also important. This makes sense, considering how many hours per day children spend in classrooms. This transfers over into their relationships with peers.
Signs of positive social-emotional development
When children have healthy social and emotional skills, they are able to deal with many situations more easily. Though behaviors may vary by age, here are some general signs of neurotypical development in your child:
Close relationships with caretakers and friends
A generally positive mood
Interest in others
Awareness of their own emotions
Empathy for the emotions of others
Ability to get along with peers
While all children struggle at times, just like adults, the above are signs that your child is developing neurotypically. If you notice that your child seems to be missing the mark on some of these skills, reach out to their pediatrician. They can evaluate for signs of neurodiversity in your child, such as autism.
How to help your child develop social-emotional skills
Are you worried that your child is struggling with social or emotional skills? Or do you want to help encourage their development? There are many ways you can support your child. Parents can learn how to teach skills themselves or work alongside school efforts, reinforcing lessons learned in school at home. Here are some recommendations.
Interact through toys
By playing with your child, you can model and encourage emotional awareness. For example, use puppets to teach your child feeling words such as “angry” or “sad.” You might, for example, have a puppet “ask” your child about their feelings or model how to express feelings.
Talk out loud
Talk out loud when you’re dealing with challenges. For example, if someone cuts you off in traffic, you might say, “Wow, that startled me. I’m frustrated that the other car was driving so fast.” This puts words to the feelings your child is likely already sensing. And it gives them an example of how to work through their own emotions.
Create routines
Routines help children know what to expect. Examples of common parenting routines include: Provide a healthy snack each day after school. Set a bedtime schedule and stick to it. Stay consistent with rules. Routines help children feel more in control of their environment.
Provide encouragement
If a child shows positive social-emotional skills, recognize them. For example, you might say, “I saw how you shared your toy with your friend. That was so nice of you.” After a day of particularly positive behavior, offer a reward, such as 5 minutes of extra screen time.
Explore coping activities
Help your child find coping skills that work best for them. For example, holding a stuffed animal may help soothe them. Each child is different when it comes to coping, so find what works best. Other possible coping skills include coloring, talking about their feelings, or listening to familiar music.
Actively teach social skills
Being told to “share” or “be nice” may be too vague for your child, leaving them unsure what to do. Teach them specific skills, such as splitting a snack with a friend or letting another child go first on the slide. With practice, it will be easier for them to do so when you’re not around.
Develop your own skills
Improving your own social and emotional skills will also help your child. Even when you don’t realize it, your child is learning from your actions. If you struggle with such skills yourself, you’re not alone. Consider seeking out your own therapy if needed. Keep reading for a list of parenting resources that may help.
Social-emotional development resources for parents
If you’re looking for additional resources to support your child’s social-emotional development, the following are a great place to start.
Your child’s school: Many schools have active programs for social-emotional learning. They may be able to provide resources or explain what your child is learning. Your child’s teachers may also be able to guide you in areas you might improve or build upon at home.
Local parenting classes: In many areas, local organizations provide parenting education classes. Local government agencies, parenting groups, or nonprofits may offer programs. Search online for upcoming events in your area.
National Association for the Education of Young Children: This organization provides general resources as well as specific tips for building your child’s social and emotional skills.
Parents as Teachers: This parent education program offers a website with resources and tips. Some areas also have local chapters that may be able to provide in-person help. Visit the organization’s website to find a club in your area.
Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA): If you or your child are struggling with mental health concerns, look for a healthcare professional. SAMHSA can guide you to local resources in your area. Look for resources online or call 1-800-662-4357.
The bottom line
Social-emotional development is important to your child’s future. It could impact their education, relationships, careers, and all other aspects of their life. Signs of positive social and emotional skills include the ability to make friends, understand emotions, and deal with difficult situations. Whether your child is struggling or not, there are ways you can help. Seek out teachers, a support system, and healthcare professionals if needed to address any ongoing problems you or your child are experiencing.
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References
Collaborative for Academic, Social, and Emotional Learning. (n.d.). SEL with families & caregivers.
Denham, S. A., et al. (2012). Social-emotional learning profiles of preschoolers’ early school success: A person-centered approach. Learning and Individual Differences.
Durlak, J. A., et al. (2022). What we know, and what we need to find out about universal, school-based social and emotional learning programs for children and adolescents: A review of meta-analyses and directions for future research. Psychological Bulletin.
Head Start Early Childhood Learning & Knowledge Center. (2021). Social and emotional development.
Ho, J., et al. (2018). Promoting young children’s social and emotional health. Young Children.
Malik, F., et al. (2022). Developmental stages of social emotional development in children. StatPearls.
National Association for the Education of Young Children. (n.d.). Building social and emotional skills at home.
National Education Association. (n.d.). Backgrounder: The importance of social emotional learning for all students across all grades.
Parents as Teachers. (n.d.). Global program locator.
Parents as Teachers. (n.d.). Parent resources.
U.S. Department of Education. (n.d.). Fostering healthy social & emotional development in young children: Tips for early childhood teachers and providers.
