7 Effects of Divorce on Children — and How to Help Them Cope

Many children in the U.S. face the end of their parents’ marriage every year. And divorce can be hard on kids, as well as parents. If you’re getting divorced, your child may be acting out due to stress or anger. Or they may be spending more time alone because they are sad or confused.

Coping skills are tools you can use to help your child regulate their feelings when they’re struggling. As they learn to regulate their feelings, they are less likely to act out at home and at school.

Effects of divorce on children

Children’s response to divorce varies. Many children are resilient and adapt well to their new normal. They may worry about events in which both parents will be present, like birthdays or holidays, but otherwise they show few signs of distress. 

Yet, as research shows, some kids have problems adjusting. Here’s a look at some of the most common negative effects children may experience as a result of their parents divorcing.

1. Problems at school

Some children struggle at school with lower grades or disruptive behaviors when their parents are getting divorced. Older kids may drop out of school altogether.

2. Financial insecurity

Some divorced parents, especially single mothers, lose a significant portion of their pre-divorce income. Many of these single parents then have to rely on public assistance and are more likely to live in poverty, along with their children. 

3. Emotional instability

Children may have emotional difficulties following a divorce. This can include experiencing anger, fear of abandonment, self-blame for the divorce, and other mood problems.

4. Mental health issues

Kids impacted by divorce are more likely to experience depression, anxiety, suicidal thoughts, and suicide attempts than their peers. 

5. Developmental setbacks

Some children may experience developmental setbacks after their parents divorce. This is especially true among younger children ages 2 to 5. For example, a child may lose their potty training skills or show fewer language skills.

Read more like this

Explore these related articles, suggested for readers like you.

13 Coping Skills to Help Kids Manage Anxiety and Stress

What Is Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction, and What Can It Help Treat?

What Is Overthinking, and How Do I Stop Overthinking Everything?

View more

6. Lower social well-being

Kids may feel lonely, have trouble cooperating with classmates, or lose interest in going to school when their parents are getting divorced.

7. Changes in sexual attitudes

Divorce can impact sexual behaviors, too. Children from divorced families seem to have a higher number of short-term relationships. They also may have a greater number of sexual partners and experience their first sexual encounter at a younger age.

How long does it take a child to adjust to divorce?

Divorce can be particularly stressful for children during the first 1 to 2 years. Younger children may blame themselves or hold out hope for reconciliation. Older children and teens may express anger toward one or both parents. 

These thoughts and feelings are normal and typically subside after the first couple of years. Research suggests that most kids adjust well to their parents divorcing over time. 

Coping tips for kids dealing with divorce

If you’re going through a divorce, your child may feel angry, depressed, or anxious as they adjust to life without two parents in the same house. But it’s important for your child to learn how to regulate their emotions. If they don’t learn to manage their feelings, it may lead to behavioral problems. 

Below are tips and strategies that may help your child cope with divorce.

Play emotion bingo 

This game shows your child how to name their feelings. To play it, start by creating a bingo card with words or drawings of different emotions: happy, nervous, scared, sad, angry, frustrated, and so on. 

Then, ask your child a question and have them point to the emotion that matches their mood. For example, you could ask, “How did you feel when dad picked you up from school?” or “What do you think about spending the weekend with mom?” It’s OK for them to pick more than one feeling; they might feel excited and anxious, or some other combination of emotions, at the same time.

Do finger breathing

Breathing exercises can help your child calm their racing thoughts and get back to a stable place. 

For this technique, have your child hold out one hand with their fingers open. Then, have them trace each finger with the pointer finger from their other hand. They should breathe in as they trace up and breathe out as they trace down. Then, they can switch hands and repeat. 

Ask ‘would you rather’

Giving your child choices empowers them to think for themselves and feel a sense of control. 

When your child faces a difficult situation, ask them: “would you rather?” For example, you might ask, “Would you rather keep your stuffed animals at my house or take half of them to your dad’s place?” 

Identify colors outdoors

Being in nature is a great stress reliever for kids (and parents). Head outdoors and ask your child to name five things that are green, four that are blue, three that are brown, and so on. Redirecting their attention can help ease their anxiety until they’re ready to talk. 

Teach them ‘I am’ vs. ‘I feel’ statements

It’s important for kids to know that they are not their feelings. Teach them to say, “I feel angry” or “I feel sad” rather than “I am angry” or “I am sad.” This will help them separate their identity from their emotions.

Make a shakeable glitter jar

A little physical activity can go a long way toward lifting your child’s mood. And what kid doesn’t love glitter? 

Make a glitter jar for your child to shake as much as they want. They can shake it and then watch the glitter float to the bottom. This YouTube video will show you how. 

Put a coping toolbox together

Some coping skills will work for your child, while others won’t be as effective. Your child may be able to calm themselves with art activities but not with music, for instance. Keep track of what works in a “toolbox.” Then, have them pull out a “tool” when they’re struggling with their feelings. 

Make one toolbox to keep at your home and one for your ex’s household.  

Where can I get help for my kid struggling with the effects of divorce?

Some children have more trouble adjusting to their parents’ divorce than others. If you see them showing signs of distress, you may want to seek help for your child.

Consider reaching out to trusted friends and family, seeking advice from a divorce therapist, or talking to your child’s school counselor. You may also want to consult your child’s pediatrician. 

If your child needs to see a therapist, check out online therapy or look for a therapist in your area who specializes in treating children.  

Mental health resources and support

Another way to support your child is to look for kid-friendly resources and videos online. The following organizations are a great place to start:

• Children & Divorce

• DivorceCare for Kids (DC4K)

• I Am a Child of Divorce

• KidsFirst

• Rainbows for All Children

• Sesame Workshop

• Child Mind Institute

• HealthyChildren.org

Why trust our experts?

Written by:

Ana Gascon

Ana Gascon has over 15 years of writing and editing experience, with 8 years in health and medical content work. She is a versatile health and medical content creator who writes about acute conditions, chronic diseases, mental health challenges, and health equity.

Edited by:

Renée Fabian, MA

Renée Fabian is the senior pet health editor at GoodRx. She’s worked for nearly 10 years as a journalist and editor across a wide range of health and well-being topics.

Reviewed by:

Mona Bapat, PhD, HSPP

Mona Bapat, PhD, HSPP, has 15 years of clinical experience providing therapy. She is a licensed clinical psychologist in Indiana and Illinois with treatment experience in individual, couples, family, and group therapy modalities.

Our editorial standards

Meet our experts