Key takeaways:
Addiction and perfectionism share some traits like negative thinking patterns and unrealistic expectations.
Perfectionism can be helpful if a person’s mindset is positive. Negative perfectionism is linked with a higher risk for substance misuse and mental health issues.
Negative perfectionism and addiction are both flawed ways of dealing with distressing thoughts and emotions.
Perfection can sound like an ultimate life goal. And with a positive mindset, perfectionism can drive you toward goals and self-improvement. But negative perfectionism is a different story. A destructive pattern of failure and self-criticism could lead to emotional pain.
Perfectionism and addiction share some traits, like negative thinking patterns and unrealistic expectations. Understanding how the two are related can help you avoid cycles of self-sabotage. Here, we’ll explore the roots of perfectionism, how it connects with addiction, and how perfectionists can safeguard themselves against substance misuse.
Where does perfectionism come from? What causes it?
Perfectionism is a pattern of thoughts and behaviors that stem from feeling unworthy. A perfectionist sees failure as a sign of low personal value. They don’t see mistakes as learning opportunities. They need to reach their perfect standards in order to feel worthy.
A person growing up with critical parents may turn to perfectionism as a solution. If they just try a little harder, their parents and other adults may finally accept and love them. But this sets up a painful cycle. They set impossible goals, fail to reach them, and become highly self-critical. Every time they go through the cycle, they feel like they don’t measure up.
Perfectionism can be hard to recognize, especially in yourself. Here are some examples to help you identify it:
A coworker talks with you about fixing a mistake you made at work yesterday. You didn’t know it was a mistake at the time, but a few others noticed. You remind yourself that you’ve messed up again. You feel like you’re always a big disappointment to everyone.
You apply for a volunteer position and have to take some training before you start. A score of 90% on the training exam is enough to pass. You score 95%, but all you can think about is the 5% you got wrong.
You enter a local marathon and start running every day. One day, you feel pain in your leg and your doctor tells you to rest for a few days. You feel like a failure and think it’s pointless to keep training. Since you can’t make up those training days, you drop out of the race.
Understanding addiction as a coping mechanism for a perfectionist
Both addiction and perfectionism are ways people respond to emotional pain. They can be used as distractions and escape routes. Some perfectionists may turn to substances to handle their pain. Below, we’ll go into how thoughts and feelings feed into perfectionism.
Self-defeating and distorted thought patterns
Negativity can distort a person’s thoughts. They see things in extremes of all or nothing. A person with extreme thinking also sets impossible goals. If they fall short, they see their effort as a failure. There is no in-between. This may develop into a habit of ongoing self-criticism.
Emotional pain
Emotional pain can affect the way a person thinks. They may believe that bad things always happen to them or that they’re never good enough. These thoughts and emotions can churn in a destructive cycle. Over time, this cycle can develop into perfectionism. A person with perfectionist habits is at risk for depression and anxiety.
When the negativity and emotional pain becomes too much to bear, a person may turn to substances to cope. For a short time, a substance may make a person feel different. This may seem like a temporary relief from emotional pain.
But substance misuse is an imperfect solution. It’s less effective over time and can amplify emotional pain in the long run. As long as emotional pain remains, a person may be tempted to use substances as a coping tool.
Self-medicating with substances
Some people with depression and anxiety self-medicate with substances. They misuse substances to help them cope with emotional pain. This is one reason that mental disorders and addiction can happen at the same time.
This risk grows when a person’s mental health issues go undiagnosed. The effects of substances may seem to help in the short run. But, ultimately, substance use can make a person’s mental disorder worse.
Can you be addicted to perfection?
Perfectionism can be a harmful pattern of behavior and emotion, but it is not recognized as a type of addiction. The closest examples of being addicted to perfection are behavioral addictions.
Behavioral addictions are unhealthy patterns of behavior focused on repeatedly chasing short-term rewards. A few examples are addictions to gambling, exercise, and the internet.
The person may feel like they can’t stop doing their behaviors. They may repeat these patterns, even when they hurt themselves or others. Perfectionism and substance addiction are different in many ways. But an addictive approach to perfectionism can still be harmful.
Is perfectionism ever healthy?
Perfectionism isn’t always a bad thing. One study looked at positive and negative perfectionism. It examined and compared other traits with each type of perfectionism. People with positive perfectionism were more conscientious and optimistic.
Another study looked at the link between negative perfectionism and depression. Researchers found that self-compassion softened the impact of negative perfectionism. They explained that a person’s reaction to their thoughts was more important than the thoughts themselves.
This may also apply to people misusing substances. This study looked at how people coped with stress. People with positive perfectionism felt less stress. Those with a negative outlook felt more stressed. They also misused substances more often.
What do recovery services, such as AA and NA, say about perfectionism?
Both Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) and Narcotics Anonymous (NA) discuss perfectionism. AA’s Big Book says that people in recovery often adopt a perfectionist mindset. This creates a harmful cycle. People set unrealistic goals, fall short, and become self-critical. This negativity can make it difficult to stay on track with recovery.
NA discusses the importance of accepting oneself. Its guidebook encourages a person to find humor in making mistakes. NA emphasizes creating reasonable expectations. It reminds people to embrace being imperfect and to avoid self-sabotage.
How can perfectionism inhibit addiction recovery?
Negative perfectionism can play into addiction. This type of perfectionism leads to negative self-talk and criticism. Even small mistakes can be upsetting. They may feel stuck, like they can never escape a cycle of failure.
A person with strong negative thoughts can feel isolated. Even when others support them, they may not feel better. They often feel worthless and discouraged.
How people misuse substances to cope with emotional distress
Some people cope with emotional pain every day. They may struggle with trauma, stress, or a mental health issue. Negative perfectionism can also be hard to cope with. People may use substances to escape their pain. This is called self-medicating.
Substances can have a strong effect on a person’s mind and body. They can distract a person from their feelings. They can also make emotions feel jumbled and overwhelming. Here’s how this may look:
A person feels depressed and lonely.
They start drinking alcohol every night for weeks.
Sometimes drinking takes their mind off of their feelings. Other times, it makes their sadness feel worse. They may also feel guilt and shame for turning to alcohol.
After a while, their body gets used to the alcohol. They need to drink even more. This is called tolerance.
Their painful feelings are still there and may feel worse at times.
The person may keep drinking more, hoping they can feel the strong effects again.
How to safeguard against addiction if you’re a perfectionist
If you’re a perfectionist, you can lower your risk of misusing substances with these tips. They can help you steer your mindset in a more positive direction.
Focus on the process
It’s important to set goals, but you are more in control of your behaviors than the outcome. When you focus on the process, you’re less likely to get caught up in the results. You can value what you learn as much or more than the specific outcome.
See mistakes as opportunities to learn
Making mistakes can be frustrating and discouraging sometimes. But they can also reveal important clues about yourself. Look at what works for you and what doesn’t. Sometimes mistakes can be more valuable than a perfect accomplishment.
Do creative activities
Being creative is about experimentation. And it doesn’t mean you have to be good at art or crafts. Be creative with how you do everyday tasks. Take a different route to work. Try a brand-new recipe or type of food for dinner. Shaking up your usual patterns can help you develop a more flexible mindset. This can help you soften your perfectionist tendencies.
Spend time around positive people
Positive perfectionism can be a helpful approach. It relies on a strong dose of encouragement and optimism. Putting a positive filter on your perfectionist lens can keep you moving forward. You can stay focused on the process instead of self-criticism.
The bottom line
Perfectionism isn’t necessarily bad. With a positive focus, a person can learn and strive for self-improvement. But when paired with self-criticism, it’s linked with mental health issues and addiction. Learn what you can from your mistakes and keep your mindset positive. With that approach, you can avoid the negative traps of perfectionism.
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References
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