Key takeaways:
Relapse means that a person who’s in recovery from a substance use disorder returns to using drugs or alcohol again.
Many different factors can contribute to a relapse, including emotional states, cravings, and exposure to triggers.
To help someone through a relapse, take an approach that’s kind and supportive and ask them how you can help. Avoid aggression, hostility, and enabling.
No one who works hard to stop using drugs and alcohol ever wants to experience a relapse, which means a return to using substances again. But relapse is a common experience for people recovering from addiction.
If someone you know experiences a relapse, there are ways that you can help support them and encourage them to move forward in their recovery. Treatment programs can also help the person make changes to their relapse prevention plan to reduce the risk of future relapses.
What is a relapse?
A relapse is when someone uses a substance again after a period of sobriety. When a person gets sober from drugs or alcohol, they may vow to never use or drink again. But relapse is very common during recovery. In fact, about half of people with substance use disorders experience a relapse at some point.
Relapse isn’t a sign of weakness or that treatment doesn’t work. Instead, it can be an opportunity to re-evaluate a person’s treatment plan and make changes to better support their recovery.
What causes a relapse?
Many different things can lead to a relapse. To help prevent a relapse, keep in mind the following:
High-risk situations: Being in places like bars or parties and around certain people can make it harder to avoid substances. These triggers will vary from person to person.
Cravings: These are strong urges to use a substance and feel its effects.
Emotional states: Emotions like stress, sadness, loneliness, anger, and boredom can make a relapse more likely.
Coping skills: Coping skills can help you manage stress and recognize your feelings and thoughts. Without these skills, it can be easier to turn to substances in the face of stressful situations.
View of self-ability and confidence: Someone who doesn’t feel confident in their ability to stay sober is more likely to experience a relapse.
Interpersonal factors: Sobriety is hard to manage alone. A strong support system can help you stay sober.
Expectations: People who expect positive results from substance use are more likely to experience a relapse than people who associate negative effects with that substance.
Often, several factors play a role in a relapse. For example, someone may have a stressful day that causes them to experience cravings. They may run into someone they used to drink with who pressures them to go to a bar. In this case, several different experiences occurred together to lead to a relapse.
How to help someone who experiences a relapse
Relationships play a critical role in helping people recover from addiction. Having support from other people reduces the risk of relapse and can help a person recover. If someone you know has experienced a relapse, there are ways that you can help.
What to say and do for someone who has experienced a relapse
When a family member or friend experiences a relapse, you’ll likely have your own feelings, such as:
Anger
Sadness
Fear
Disappointment
Stages of relapse: Recovery from substance use disorder is complex. Relapse is a common part of the process, and it can occur in different stages.
Signs of overdose: Being able to recognize the signs of a drug overdose can save lives. Here’s what to do.
How to help someone in crisis: Learn about what to do when someone experiences a mental health crisis.
It can be difficult to manage your own feelings while providing support. The most effective approach is to be caring and direct while avoiding being aggressive and hostile.
Here are some ways to help if a loved one experiences a relapse:
Share your concerns. Talk about your concerns about their relapse in a direct and respectful manner. Avoid stigmatizing terms like “addict,” “clean,” and “dirty.”
Express empathy. Listen to your loved one’s feelings about their relapse, and acknowledge their feelings.
Ask them how you can help. Before offering your own suggestions, ask them what they think would be the best ways for you to offer your support.
Offer ways to help. You can offer some suggestions about things you can do to help, such as helping them in finding treatment or attending a self-help meeting with them.
Understanding stages of change and when to act
The best way to act after a loved one’s relapse depends on where they are in their recovery and what their motivation is. Experts refer to “stages of change” to help understand a person’s readiness for sobriety.
When someone isn’t ready to change, trying to push them is rarely effective. And it may even backfire. Try to gauge their readiness for change, and take steps that match their stage. Here are the stages and tips for what you can do during each stage:
Precontemplation: The person doesn’t acknowledge a problem yet. This is an important time to express your love, concern, and desire to see them live their best life.
Contemplation: The person acknowledges having a problem but is still deciding whether or not to change. You can talk with them about the pros and cons of change, and express confidence in their ability to change.
Preparation: The person wants to change and is preparing to do so, such as making an appointment with a healthcare professional. You can help them search for a suitable treatment program and assist in coordinating scheduling appointments.
Action: The person makes changes, such as removing substances from their home and avoiding people they used with. You can help them create and stick to a relapse prevention plan. You might also offer rides to treatment, attend self-help groups together, and find sober activities to do with them.
What NOT to do when someone experiences a relapse
When it comes to supporting someone you care about after a relapse, it is best to avoid:
Hostility or aggression: You may feel angry at times, but it’s important to work through these feelings on your own or with the help of a therapist.
Blaming or shaming: Addiction is a disease, not a sign of weakness or failure. Don’t blame or shame a person for struggling. Instead, think of addiction like other health conditions, such as diabetes. Patience and understanding can help.
Enabling: Enabling behaviors include denying a problem, making excuses, and taking on responsibilities for them. And this can unintentionally encourage their use.
Drug use in their presence: Even if your loved one says it’s OK, don’t use drugs or drink in front of someone who’s trying to get sober. It can cause cravings that may be difficult to manage. Even if they’re able to resist using in the moment, it may set the stage for a relapse down the road.
The recovery process can be difficult for everyone involved. If you’re having a hard time supporting a loved one’s recovery, there’s help available for you, such as therapy and support groups, like AI-Anon and SMART Recovery Family & Friends. Supporting someone can take many forms, and it’s important to do it in a way that's reasonable for your resources and boundaries.
Resources to help after a relapse
If your loved one is open to treatment or support after a relapse, you can offer to help them find a program, provider, or meeting. Treatment and self-help meetings can be very important after a relapse. They can help a person modify their recovery and relapse prevention plan to reduce the risk of future relapses.
Here are some resources to help find support and treatment:
Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA): SAMHSA offers help finding treatment. You can access the online behavioral health treatment services locator or call the National Helpline at 1-800-662-HELP (4357).
National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism (NIAA): NIAAA offers help finding treatment programs, healthcare professionals, and therapists who treat alcohol addiction.
Self-help meetings: Groups like Alcoholics Anonymous, Narcotics Anonymous, and SMART Recovery offer free online and in-person meetings.
Depression, anxiety, or other mental health conditions can contribute to substance use. Your family member or friend may also be dealing with an untreated mental health condition. If so, it may be useful to help them find a program that treats co-occurring conditions. SAMHSA can assist in finding help using its online search tool or by calling the helpline.
Frequently asked questions
Recovery is a lifelong process and looks different from person to person and the substance in question. Relapse is a very common part of the recovery process. A relapse can last anywhere from days to weeks to months.
“Lapse” can describe the first use of a substance after a period of abstinence, while “relapse” refers to the period of continued use after that. But, in practice, these are processes that can get set in motion long before the actual substance use.
The risk of relapse is highest in the first year of treatment. However, a relapse can occur at any point. Experiencing a relapse can put your physical and mental health at risk. Relapse can also strain relationships and other social and work commitments.
Recovery is a lifelong process and looks different from person to person and the substance in question. Relapse is a very common part of the recovery process. A relapse can last anywhere from days to weeks to months.
“Lapse” can describe the first use of a substance after a period of abstinence, while “relapse” refers to the period of continued use after that. But, in practice, these are processes that can get set in motion long before the actual substance use.
The risk of relapse is highest in the first year of treatment. However, a relapse can occur at any point. Experiencing a relapse can put your physical and mental health at risk. Relapse can also strain relationships and other social and work commitments.
The bottom line
Relapse is when a person who’s in recovery from a substance use disorder uses that substance again. And it’s very common. Relapse is difficult for the person who experiences it as well as friends and family. There are lots of resources and strategies to help.
The most effective approach is to be direct and caring. Share your concerns, express empathy, and ask them how you can help. Do your best to avoid blaming and disappointment as you support them with their relapse prevention program and ongoing treatment. And remember that it may not always be possible to help while managing your own health and needs.
Why trust our experts?
References
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National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism. (n.d.). How to find quality alcohol treatment.
National Institute on Drug Abuse. (2014). Drugs, brains, and behavior: The science of addiction.
National Institute on Drug Abuse. (2021). Words matter - Terms to use and avoid when talking about addiction.
Polcin, D. L., et al. (2012). Substance users’ perspectives on helpful and unhelpful confrontation: Implications for recovery. Journal of Psychoactive Drugs.
Raihan, N., et al. (2023). Stages of change theory. StatPearls.
Sinha, R. (2011). New findings on biological factors predicting addiction relapse vulnerability. Current Psychiatry Reports.
Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration. (n.d.). Supporting a loved one dealing with mental and/or substance use disorders.
U.S. Department of Veteran Affairs. (2022). Reducing relapse risk.
