Key takeaways:
Adria Thompson started out as a speech language pathologist in nursing homes.
She realized her passion was helping people with dementia and their caregivers.
Adria started her own consulting company and shares information and lighthearted videos to help caregivers interact with their loved ones.
Adria Thompson saw a great need for help among people caring for a loved one with dementia when she was a speech language pathologist working in nursing homes.
Adria, a 32-year-old certified dementia practitioner who lives in Corbin, Kentucky, worked in a number of skilled nursing facilities. Over the years, she built her skills for how to handle everyday challenges.
She realized her experience — through her work and in helping care for her own grandmother with dementia — could help caregivers reduce time and heartache.
On her website and social media platforms, she shares dozens of lighthearted, sometimes poignant videos on everything from tips on conversation topics when visiting someone with dementia to talking with a loved one’s doctors to what kind of clothing is easiest to put on.
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Here, she gives 11 tips for caring for a loved one with dementia.
1. Use a white board to answer repeated questions
Adria says that in her grandmother’s case, a daily question is, “where’s Tina?” (Adria’s mother). The family writes the common questions on the white board and the answers, such as “Tina is at work. She comes to visit me every day.” Writing in the voice of the person with dementia is important in this case to avoid confusion.
2. Introduce activities with no chance to fail
A crossword puzzle, for example, is not fun if you don’t have the right answers. Giving a loved one flowers to arrange or pictures to sort, on the other hand, are activities for which there is no right or wrong way to participate.
3. Don’t take meanness personally
A person with dementia known to be sweet and honest may adopt aggressive behavior and start lying, Adria notes. This is when it’s crucial to remember that dementia is a medical condition that changes the brain, and these actions don’t reflect a loved one’s true feelings.
4. Encourage showering gently
People with dementia may say they already showered on a particular day when you know they haven’t. They may also give an excuse such as “it’s too cold.”
It’s important to listen and find out what the objection is, Adria says. The person may be modest and not want to shower in front of another person. Or people may feel unsafe or unsteady.
Gently find out the cause and address that objection, she says.
It may help to tell the person that someone important in their life sent some shampoo or body wash and is waiting to hear whether he or she likes the gift, Adria says.
5. Realize that certain facts may become less important
Adria says she gets many questions on how to help a loved one remember days of the week.
She says caregivers should ask themselves whether that information is vital.
If people with dementia are not in charge of their own scheduling or don’t need to get themselves to appointments, the day of the week may not be an important focus. Save the memory tasks for information such as grandchildren’s names, she says.
If it’s important to know the day of the week, Adria recommends buying a clock that clearly states both the time and day of the week.
6. Make a memory book
This can help a loved one remember family members’ names and relationships to each other and where they live in addition to providing entertainment. It can include pictures of favorite hobbies, friends, and places the person likes to go every week.
7. Help, but don’t take over
Using showering as an example, Adria says, offer to help them stand up and help wash their back, for instance, but let your loved ones do any part of the showering they are capable of. A therapist can help determine abilities, she notes. Encouraging any degree of independence will likely help with compliance, she says.
8. Watch your body language
It may be natural to furrow your brow, grit your teeth, or throw up your hands when a person with dementia won’t do what you’re asking of them. Saying things with a warm smile and keeping calm will make the task seem more pleasant and reasonable, Adria says.
9. Know that refusal may really be confusion
Make sure you have explained the task at hand completely. If you ask the person to come along on an outing, for instance, a person with dementia may not understand what’s involved and find it easier to say no. Make sure you specify where you will go, who will be there, when you will return home, and what will happen at the location.
10. Learn about dementia
Time spent understanding dementia, finding resources, and better understanding what the person you love is experiencing “is the most compassionate thing we can do to get into their world because it's a very lonely scary place at times,” Adria says.
That can mean seeking out support groups, following experts on social media, and getting involved with associations that educate about dementia.
“That is such a loving thing,” Adria says.
11. Give yourself grace
“We're going to mess it up probably more times than we're going to get it right,” Adria says. “We have to have grace with ourselves and know to expect that this is going to be difficult. But then, we're going to keep trying.”
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