What Does an Abortion Feel Like?
Key takeaways:
Describing how an abortion feels is complex. It’s different for everyone.
Two women say that the most devastating part was when they learned their fetus no longer had a heartbeat — and the decision to end a pregnancy was made for them.
They are sharing what they went through in hopes of helping end some of the shame and stigma surrounding abortion.
Simply put, an abortion is a procedure intended to end a pregnancy.
There are two main ways to safely end a pregnancy: a medical abortion or a surgical one.
A medical abortion — also known as Plan C — is when someone takes medication to end a pregnancy, in the first trimester. It most often involves two medications — a combination of mifepristone (Mifeprex) and misoprostol (Cytotec) taken over 1 to 2 days.
A surgical abortion involves opening the cervix and then using suctioning or other tools to remove the fetus from the uterus.
Below are two women’s experiences with a medically necessary abortion.
Abortion doesn’t mean unwanted
Leigh Anne O’Connor was expecting her second child and assumed the pregnancy would be just as easy and uneventful as the first.
But when she went in for a routine prenatal appointment, the doctor delivered some alarming news: She was about 18 weeks pregnant, and they could not detect a heartbeat.
Leigh Anne went to the hospital for further evaluation.
“I remember my husband was at work,” she says. “I had to bring my daughter with me. As they were running the scanner over my belly, they said there was no heartbeat. I was wailing. I was screaming. It took a while to get pregnant again, and I was past the scary part into the second trimester.”
The doctor told her they would need to remove the baby.
“I remember asking the doctor some questions. He referred to the procedure as an abortion. That offended me very much,” Leigh Anne says. “At that time in my life, my understanding of abortion is when you don’t want to have a baby. But this baby died inside of me. This was very much a wanted baby.”
She recalls asking the doctor what would happen if she decided not to have the abortion. He told her the fetus could become toxic or potentially mummify. After hearing that, Leigh Anne decided to go through with the procedure.
“I felt really nauseous afterward," says Leigh Anne, now a 57-year-old lactation consultant in New York City.
"I also got a terrible yeast infection," she says. “It was really not a pleasant experience. And on top of that, I was just devastated.”
One of the hardest things to contend with was the unexpected arrival of her breast milk.
“The doctor said the milk might not come in," she says. “But I got milk. That was really hard, because I was standing in the shower. I was bleeding and then there’s milk dripping out of my breast, and there’s no baby for that milk to go to."
Leigh Anne also experienced a medically necessary abortion during her fourth pregnancy. She was planning a home birth. At around 16 weeks, her midwife monitored her and could not detect a heartbeat.
This time, Leigh Anne felt a little more prepared. Her doula called ahead to the hospital and said she was sending Leigh Anne over.
“The anesthesiologist put her arm around me and she walked me to the operating room. She gave me something and said, ‘Drink, it will stop you from being nauseous.’ I felt cared for much more kindly than I had the first time around,” she says.
After the procedure, she remembers bleeding but very little pain or cramping.
In sharing her experience, she says she hopes to remove some of the shame and stigma surrounding this topic.
The feeling of having no control over it
Kristen Kissik, a 55-year-old dance teacher from Annapolis, Maryland, has also had her share of heartbreak over pregnancies.
She has had two miscarriages, two abortions she chose for her own reasons, and two abortions that were medically necessary.
Each of these experiences has helped her to learn more about what it means to take control of her own reproductive health, she says. She’s learned to trust and respect her mind, body, and spirit.
When talking about the two abortions that were medically necessary, Kristen says both experiences were a complete shock.
The first time, she was several weeks pregnant and had already been engaging in routine obstetric care. Her pregnancy was being closely monitored, given her history of pregnancy loss.
“This was the most mortifying thing. I had no idea anything was wrong,” she says. “I went to the ultrasound, and I was just informed, ‘Oh, sorry, there’s no heartbeat anymore.’ That was devastating.”
She was caught off guard because she had no symptoms. She and her husband were in the process of moving.
Her provider encouraged her to think about having a D&C — which stands for dilation and curettage — and is a procedure to make sure all of the tissue is removed from the uterus after a miscarriage. Kristens provider said it would help if her body did not naturally expel the fetal tissue before her out-of-state move. Kristen had not been able to line up further care near their new home, and her doctors were concerned for her well-being.
“I’m a dancer," Kristen says. "I meditate. I do yoga. I’m so in touch with my body and was mortified that I had no control over this. I tried to do everything in my power to make my body let go. Meditation, rituals, jumping on my neighbor’s trampoline daily, and drinking tonics that my herbalist recommended. Everything you can think of.”
Still, her body was unable to expel the tissue on its own, which put her at increased risk for dangerous infections. She scheduled the D&C.
“It was scheduled for a couple of days before we moved. That was really hard,” she says. “Not just the physical experience and losing a baby I tried so hard for, but the emotional parts of it too.”
The procedure itself was fairly straightforward, she says, with minimal pain or complications. The hardest part was the intense depression that followed.
“Of course you’re bleeding, and you have some cramping, but I just followed the advice of the doctor. But then, I got really depressed and actually suffered my first bout of diagnosed anxiety and clinical depression," she says.
"I didn't even want to leave the house. I couldn't even look in people’s eyes. I wasn’t planning my death, but I was kind of like, ‘Oh, I don’t care if I walk outside and get hit by a bus.”'
With each of her abortion experiences, Kristen says, the emotional pain was far more memorable that any physical complications.
“It’s just a lot to process, whatever the reason,” she says.
Kristen is sharing her story because she says she believes abortion is healthcare, and she wants to dismantle the shame and stigmas surrounding abortion.
Kristen has experienced miscarriages, abortions, and the birth of a healthy child. She sees each scenario as a valid aspect of reproductive healthcare. She says she hopes her story helps others see the need for informed and compassionate care when it comes to reproductive health.
What does the doctor say?
Patricia Pinto-Garcia, MD, MPH
Medical Editor
These are two powerful stories that really highlight the complexity of this topic. The term abortion triggers so many emotions and preconceived ideas. During difficult times, words matter. As these two stories show, over time, physical discomforts fade but words and emotions remain clear.
If you’ve experienced an unexpected pregnancy or unexpected end to a pregnancy, you may cycle through several emotions over time. A support system can help — whether it’s family, friends, or a counselor. You can also connect with support groups (in person or virtually). Studies show that sharing your experiences with others can bring comfort and improve well-being.
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