Key takeaways:
It can take some time to find the right therapist.
It’s a personal and individual process since everyone’s needs and preferences are different.
People who shared their stories with GoodRx say the right therapist can make you feel comfortable and understood.
A good, therapeutic relationship can be all about finding the right match.
Some studies suggest it’s as important as the treatment method in therapy outcomes.
But how do you find the right therapist and know when it’s working?
Search and compare options
Three people who shared their experiences with GoodRx say it can take time. They say there really is a benefit to finding a “culturally competent therapist.” And just like making a match on a dating app, they say finding the right therapist takes some shopping around.
Here’s how they describe how it feels to find the right therapist.
The need to be accepted rather than fixed
When Ari Wolf started looking for a therapist, one thing was clear: The therapist would have to be accepting. And the right one would understand Ari’s experiences as someone in the disabled and LGBTQ communities.
Ari, who is 34 and lives in Oregon, also needed someone who would be sensitive to a survivor of child abuse and trauma.
“Seeking therapy is a big deal for me, a big act of trust,” Ari says. “I need a therapist whose goal for me is healing rather than trying to make me normal. I’m never going to be normal. That’s what disability means. And that’s not sad or pitiful. It’s just different.”
Ari didn’t want a therapist who claimed to be an expert on everything. It was more important to find a therapist who understood their own gaps in experience and was willing to learn.
Sessions should be about the client, not the provider
Hannah Mayderry, a 27-year-old therapist in Jacksonville, Florida, had to strike out before she found her own right therapist.
Some of her past therapeutic relationships have not worked out. She remembers sessions with a previous provider who talked mostly about herself. She didn’t ask much about Hannah.
“It made me feel like my concerns weren’t being acknowledged or understood,” she says. “It felt like there was a gap in our communication, and I didn’t feel truly seen or heard.”
When she began her search again, Hannah had a pretty clear idea of what she was looking for in a provider.
“I was looking for a therapist who had a good understanding of religious systems and how they can sometimes lead to trauma,” she says.
Hannah researched online, read biographies, and had consultation calls with potential therapists. After several consultation calls, she found a provider she connected with.
Hannah found someone who cared about the things that were important to her.
“Having a culturally competent therapist allowed me to feel heard and respected,” she says. “This in turn helped me open up more and delve into issues that I might have hesitated to discuss otherwise. Being understood in this way has been profoundly healing.”
Hannah also has the perspective of being on the other side as a therapist herself.
“As a therapist, I believe therapy is working when a client gains insight about themselves and feels equipped to make positive changes in their life,” she says.
Being able to speak without fear of judgment
Natrina Goodwin, a 39-year-old podcast host from Atlanta, says being a Black woman has made her tune in to the need for the right therapist.
Natrina says to be truly understood, she thought she would benefit from a therapist who was also a Black woman. She wanted a provider who understood what it was like to be a Black woman in the workforce who was also a mom.
She connected with a therapist through her workplace. The therapist was a single Black woman. Natrina didn’t think the provider could understand her challenges of marriage and motherhood. So she shopped around, looking for providers who were within her insurance network.
Finally, she found a better match.
“I don’t have to worry about being judged, like if I say certain things that would be culturally the norm in the African American community,” Natrina says. “It just makes me feel more comfortable to talk about a wide range of things.”
Natrina says that in the Black community, there is sometimes a stigma around getting help for mental health. Natrina has found it helpful to have a therapist who looks like her and understands her lifestyle and background. This has allowed her to see beyond the stigma.
Being able to talk through issues has brought Natrina a sense of balance in life.
“I highly recommend therapy for anyone,” she says, “and to know the importance of having a therapist that looks like you and understands you.”
What does the doctor say?
Patricia Pinto-Garcia, MD, MPH
Medical Editor
Making the decision to reach out for help isn’t easy. Even though attitudes are evolving, there’s still a lot of stigma surrounding mental health in some communities. And it takes courage and self-awareness to admit it’s time to start therapy.
But making a commitment to get mental health support is only the first step. The next step — find a therapist — can be just as difficult. It can be challenging to find a therapist because of provider shortages and insurance providers. Once you do find a therapist, you might not click with that provider. It’s frustrating and sometimes scary to have to find a new therapist. You may wonder if you’ll ever find the right person.
As these stories show, it can take time to find the right therapist. Many people switch therapists a few times until they find the right fit. In my professional experience, when people tell me therapy isn’t helping, my first question is “have you tried another therapist?” You’re establishing a long-term relationship. Just because the first person isn’t the right fit, you don’t have to give up.
It’s worth the search. The right therapist will connect with you and make you feel heard. They’ll understand the context of your experiences and they can teach you tools to help you navigate through turbulent times.
Why trust our experts?
