6 Ways to Help Someone With Anxiety
Key takeaways:
A person who is experiencing anxiety may seem worried a lot and report physical complaints, difficulty sleeping, and appear tense and irritable.
As a family member or friend, you can show your support by listening to their concerns, empowering them to take action, and taking care of yourself.
You can also talk to your loved one about healthy ways to cope with their anxiety, like mindfulness practices, exercise, and getting enough rest.
Chances are that you know someone who has anxiety. Maybe, it’s a family member — a child, teenager, spouse, or parent — or maybe it’s a friend or neighbor. Nearly 1 in 3 U.S. adults have struggled with anxiety.
Luckily, there are ways you can tell when someone is experiencing anxiety and things you can do to help.
How can you help someone with anxiety?
It can be difficult to know what to say or do when a loved one is experiencing anxiety. If someone you know is experiencing anxiety, here are some dos and don’ts to best support them.
1. Do listen closely
Do start by trying to understand your loved one’s worries. Taking the time to understand how they feel will show them you are serious about wanting to help. Reflecting back what they are saying in different words can show them that you are listening.
2. Do support them in getting help
Do offer to assist your loved one in finding help. Experiencing anxiety is very difficult and, in some cases, it may get worse over time. But therapy, medication, and support groups are all things that can help. Talk to your loved one about different treatment options that are available to them, and offer to help them find a program or provider.
3. Do empower them to focus on what they can control
Many people with anxiety worry about things that are outside of their control, which can cause them to feel helpless. You can support your loved one by asking them to think about what they can control in an anxiety-inducing situation. Then, help them use that information to brainstorm ways to take action. This may not work in all cases. But many times it can help the person feel more empowered and in control.
Read more like this
Explore these related articles, suggested for readers like you.
For example, maybe your loved one is worried about attending a social event. You can ask them to talk to you about their specific fears. Then, help them reflect on whether there is anything they can do to prevent the things they’re afraid of from happening. This might be coming up with some conversation starters or practicing initiating conversations.
If there is nothing they can do to prepare for an anxiety-inducing situation in advance, encourage them to practice accepting that. And help them brainstorm coping skills — like deep breathing — to manage any anxiety that comes up.
4. Don’t invalidate
Don’t minimize your loved one’s fears. Often, people with anxiety realize they are blowing things out of proportion. If you tell them they’re overreacting, it probably won’t help. Instead, it might seem like you don’t understand.
Saying things like “it’ll pass” or “just relax” may seem harmless. These kinds of comments can cause a person with anxiety to feel more alone. You don’t have to agree with what your loved one is saying. But you can provide validation by acknowledging that it would be scary or difficult to have these thoughts.
5. Don’t contribute to avoidance
When someone you care about has anxiety, it’s normal to want to make them feel better. Some people may try to help the person avoid their anxiety. This is a form of enabling, or accommodating.
For example, if your loved one is too nervous to make a phone call, you might be tempted to offer to make the call for them. While you might mean well, allowing them to avoid it could actually make their anxiety worse in the long run. They don’t get the opportunity to push past their fears and learn they can handle difficult tasks.
Encourage your loved one to face as much of their anxiety as they can. Instead of making a call for them, you could support them by offering to sit with them while they make the call. It can be difficult to watch them struggle, especially in the beginning. But know that you are helping your loved one in the long run.
6. Do take care of yourself
Don’t forget to take care of yourself, too. Helping a loved one with anxiety can be exhausting. Make time to talk with other people, do things for yourself, and find balance in your own life.
Support groups like the NAMI Family Support Group can also be helpful for people who have loved ones with anxiety. Support groups can provide an opportunity to connect with other people who are going through similar situations. They can also provide an opportunity to learn communication and coping skills.
You might also consider seeing a therapist yourself for additional support. Finding ways to take care of yourself is important. It will ensure that you are in the best position to help your loved one.
Should you encourage your loved one to get professional help?
Yes, if you suspect that a loved one has anxiety, encourage them to talk to a mental health professional. A professional can evaluate and discuss treatment options with them. Depending on the severity of their anxiety, your loved one may benefit from therapy, medication, or a combination of both.
To locate a behavioral health provider or program, you can call SAMHSA’s National Helpline at 1-800-662-HELP (4357). The helpline is available 24/7 and provides assistance with referrals for treatment. You can also search the organization’s online treatment locator tool.
What if they refuse help?
It’s not uncommon for people with anxiety and other mental health conditions to refuse help. You cannot force a person to get help, except in certain cases in which they pose a danger to themselves or others, or are unable to take care of themselves.
It can be hard to see someone you care about struggle with anxiety, but pushing them too hard may cause them to shut down. Instead consider the following approaches when a loved one refuses help:
Ask them how you can help. They may not want your help getting treatment, but they may be open to other forms of support that you haven’t considered.
Encourage them to find someone they’re comfortable talking to. Speaking with a priest, rabbi, or other faith leader might be a place to start. For children, teens, or students, a school counselor may be a good resource.
Respect their autonomy. They may not be ready for change right now and pressuring them is not constructive. Explain that you respect their decision and are there for them if anything changes.
What are some coping strategies that can help someone with anxiety?
Coping strategies are also important when it comes to managing anxiety. And they can be used on their own or in conjunction with treatment.
Sleep
Not getting enough sleep can make anxiety worse. But the anxiety itself can make it difficult to get good sleep. Encourage your loved one to have good sleeping habits, like sticking to a regular bedtime and wake-up time. Remind your loved one to turn off electronics before bed and discourage daytime naps. If sleep continues to be a problem for them, encourage them to talk with their healthcare provider and see a sleep specialist.
Social connectedness
Social support is beneficial for people with anxiety. It can help them feel less alone and distract them from their worries. Make time to talk, call, and spend time with your loved one. Also, encourage them to find ways to build their social network.
If making friends is hard for them, suggest activities that naturally bring people together. You can also suggest that they look into NAMI Connection, which offers free peer-led support groups online and in person throughout the U.S.
Exercise
Exercise is associated with many health benefits, including lower stress and anxiety. It can also help improve sleep and is a great way to connect with other people. Encourage your loved one to find a form of exercise that they enjoy, such as hiking, yoga, or even playing sports. Any form of movement can provide physical and emotional benefits.
Deep breathing
Deep breathing involves taking long, deep breaths in and out through your diaphragm. This intentional way of breathing has been found to decrease stress and anxiety.
There are many different breathing exercises that you can try with your loved one. One of the easiest ways to practice deep breathing is to:
Find a comfortable and relaxing position.
Exhale all of the air in your lungs, and then inhale slowly for 4 seconds.
Gently hold your breath, and then exhale for 6 seconds.
Repeat this several more times.
Mindfulness
Mindfulness is the practice of being aware of what you’re experiencing in the moment. This can include:
Thoughts
Feelings
Physical sensations
Aspects of your environment, like sounds and sights
Studies show that practicing mindfulness regularly can help reduce anxiety and depression. There are many ways to practice mindfulness, such as taking a course or listening to guided meditations online or through an app. You can also encourage your loved one to practice mindfulness through meditation, yoga, or spending time in nature.
What are the signs that someone has anxiety?
Anxiety is worry that can feel intense and hard to control. Everyone worries sometimes. But when worry begins to affect a person’s life, then they may be experiencing an anxiety disorder.
People may experience anxiety about many different things, such as family, work, or relationships. Some people experience it in social situations or develop excessive fear about certain places or objects.
You can tell if anxiety has gotten out of control if a loved one’s worries are stopping them from doing the things they need to do, like going to school or interacting with others. Anxiety is also a problem if it’s keeping them from feeling good about life.
Anxiety can cause a number of other symptoms. Often, those symptoms are things you can’t see, which could also be physical. Along with worrying, people with anxiety may experience:
Irritability
Trouble sleeping
Fatigue
Headaches, stomachaches, or other pains
Dizziness
Shaking
A sense of feeling restless, keyed up, or on edge
Trouble concentrating
Some people experience acute episodes of extreme fear, called panic attacks. They can come on suddenly, and they usually involve physical symptoms in addition to intense anxiety.
Signs of a panic attack include:
Dizziness
Racing heart
Chest pain
Trouble breathing
A fear of losing control
If you recognize the signs listed above in a family member or friend, there’s a good chance that they may be dealing with anxiety. As a loved one, you can play a key role in helping them recognize and cope with this.
The bottom line
Nearly everyone experiences anxiety at some point in their lives. But for those who have an anxiety disorder, the fear and worry can become debilitating.
It’s hard to watch a loved one suffer, and even harder to know what to do to help them. If someone you know has anxiety, you can provide support by listening, offering information on coping strategies, and being careful not to enable them. You can also talk to them about available treatment options and offer to assist them in finding a mental health provider or program.
Why trust our experts?
References
American Psychological Association. (n.d.). Mindfulness.
Anxiety Canada. (n.d.). Accommodating anxiety.
Bandelow, B., et al. (2017). Treatment of anxiety disorders. Dialogues in Clinical Neuroscience.
Blanck, P., et al. (2017). Effects of mindfulness exercises as stand-alone intervention on symptoms of anxiety and depression: Systematic review and meta-analysis. Behaviour Research and Therapy.
Mental Health America. (n.d.). What to do when they don’t want help.
National Institute on Mental Health. (n.d.). Any anxiety disorder.
National Institute on Mental Health. (2023). Anxiety disorders.
Panayiotou, G., et al. (2012). Perceived social support helps, but does not buffer the negative impact of anxiety disorders on quality of life and perceived stress. Social Psychiatry and Psychiatric Epidemiology.
Stonerock, G. L., et al. (2015). Exercise as treatment for anxiety: Systematic review and analysis. Annals of Behavioral Medicine.
For additional resources or to connect with mental health services in your area, call SAMHSA’s National Helpline at 1-800-662-4357. For immediate assistance, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 988, or text HOME to 741-741 to reach the Crisis Text Line.
