Here’s How to Help Someone With an Eating Disorder

Eating disorders are health conditions that involve severe disturbances with eating. People with eating disorders may be focused on their appearance. They may take extreme measures to control their eating and weight. Also, they can experience a lack of control over their eating.

If someone you know is showing signs of an eating disorder or is in recovery, there are ways that you can show your support. There are also some actions that you will want to avoid, like unintentionally reinforcing a person’s negative views about their body. 

How can you help someone with an eating disorder?

If someone you know has an eating disorder, you will want to be as supportive as possible. It can be hard to know what to say or do to help them:

• Do they think they have a problem? How you approach helping a person will also depend on whether or not they see their eating disorder as a problem. Some people may feel distressed by their condition and want to get help, while others may not be ready.

• Do you know them well enough to start a conversation? If you have concerns that someone you know may have an eating disorder, you may want to start a conversation. This may be helpful if you have a close relationship with the person and they are open to your views. However, if you do not have a close or honest relationship, the person may not feel comfortable opening up. If this is the case, you may bring up your concerns to someone closer to them. 

• What’s the aim of talking to them? The goals of a conversation are to open up communication about the person’s eating behaviors and help them get the support they need. For many people with eating disorders, getting treatment is what they need to recover. 

What’s the best way to talk to someone with eating disorder symptoms?

When talking to someone with an eating disorder, you want to be as supportive as possible. Keep the following tips in mind: 

• Find a neutral time to talk. Be sure to approach them in a private place without distractions. Avoid mealtimes, which can be triggering.

• Express your concerns in a gentle and nonjudgmental manner. Avoid accusations, blaming, and ultimatums.

• Listen to their feelings. Don’t assume you know how the person is feeling. Give them a chance to talk and simply listen. When they talk, try to be compassionate and understand how difficult this is for them.

• Ask the person what you can do to help. You can offer to help them find treatment, but do not push it if they resist. If they are willing to get help, you can contact the National Eating Disorders Association Helpline at 1-800-931-2237 for assistance.

How can you support someone recovering from an eating disorder?

Recovery from an eating disorder is a long-term process. If someone you know is in recovery, consider the following actions:

• Educate yourself about eating disorders. Find books and articles written by medical professionals and organizations, like the National Eating Disorders Association, to help you understand what your loved one is going through. 

• Monitor how you talk about food and body image. You may not realize how your comments can affect a person recovering from an eating disorder. Try to be mindful of how you talk about eating and body size. If possible, avoid talking about it altogether. 

• Be careful not to reinforce unhealthy eating or a person’s negative views of their body. Some people may reinforce their loved one’s eating disorder without meaning to. For example, they may make excuses for why the person is not eating. Or they make negative comments about their own bodies without realizing the impact it can have on how the other person sees themselves. These behaviors can unintentionally reinforce an eating disorder by allowing a person to continue their eating disorder in secrecy or increasing their dissatisfaction with their body. 

• Remember that recovery is a process. There will be ups and downs. If your loved one struggles, encourage them to continue and not give up. 

• Get your own support. Coping with a loved one’s eating disorder can be difficult. It’s important that you also take time to care for yourself. You may consider going to therapy or attending a support group.

Quiz: Do I have an eating disorder?

What does an eating disorder look like?

An eating disorder can look different from person to person. It also varies based on the specific type of disorder. The most common types of eating disorders are discussed below. 

Anorexia nervosa

A person with anorexia will restrict their food intake below what is standard or exercise excessively. This can lead to significantly low body weight. 

They typically have an intense fear of gaining weight and may have a distorted view of how they look. 

There are two subtypes of anorexia: 

• Restricting type: where a person restricts but does not binge and purge

• Binge-eating/purging type: where a person engages in binging and purging 

Bulimia nervosa

A person with bulimia alternates between patterns of binging on food and taking actions to make up for the binge, such as vomiting or taking laxatives. 

Binges involve consuming a very large amount of food in a short period of time. During a binge, a person feels like they cannot control their eating. Unlike anorexia binge-eating/purge subtype, people with this disorder do not have a significantly low body weight.

Binge eating disorder

With binge eating disorder, a person has episodes of binging on food. But they do not take actions to compensate for it, as in the case of bulimia. 

Avoidant/Restrictive Food Intake Disorder

This eating disorder involves extreme picky eating. It interferes with a person’s ability to: 

• Grow

• Maintain a healthy body weight

• Meet their nutritional and energy needs

This may be due to them having a lack of interest in food, sensory issues, or concerns about the consequences of eating. 

Remember: You cannot diagnose an eating disorder based upon how a person looks. People of any size can have an eating disorder. A medical or mental health professional must evaluate a person to determine if they have an eating disorder. If someone you know is showing signs of an eating disorder, there are steps you can take to help them. 

What causes an eating disorder?

Eating disorders are associated with a number of different factors. Biological and environmental factors can both play a role in the development of an eating disorder. These factors include: 

• Family history: People with a family history of eating disorders are at greater risk of having an eating disorder. 

• Trauma: Traumatic experiences — like loss of a loved one, divorce, or abuse — can also contribute. Food may be a way of coping with these traumatic events. 

• Personal factors: For example, low self-confidence and setting high expectations for oneself may also put a person at risk.

Like other mental health conditions, there is rarely one cause of an eating disorder. In most cases, a person experiences multiple factors that contribute to developing an eating disorder. Media exposure to ideal body images can also influence eating disorder symptoms in people with other risk factors. 

Who’s most at risk of eating disorders?

Anyone can develop an eating disorder, but certain risk factors are associated with a higher likelihood. Eating disorders are most likely to develop among teenagers and young adults. But any person can be affected, no matter their age, gender, ethnicity, background, or size. 

Some common risk factors for eating disorders include:

• Childhood obesity

• Childhood feeding problems

• Family history of eating disorders

• History of dieting

• Preoccupation with one’s weight and size

• Traumatic experiences

• Personality traits like perfectionism and neuroticism

What treatments are available for eating disorders?

Treatment for an eating disorder involves a combination of several different approaches, including:

• Therapy

• Medications

• Medical treatment and monitoring

• Nutrition counseling

Eating disorder treatment requires a treatment team approach. Several different providers work together to treat a person’s symptoms. A typical treatment team may include:

• Physicians and nurses

• Psychiatrists

• Psychologists and therapists

• Nutritionists

The goals of eating disorder treatment are to:

• Help a person maintain a healthy weight

• Improve overall health and nutrition

• Eliminate dangerous behaviors, like excessive exercising and purging

• Address any emotional symptoms and body image distortions

When is emergency care needed for an eating disorder?

Emergency care is recommended any time a person’s condition is medically unstable. A medical professional must evaluate a person to determine whether they need emergency care or can be safely treated in an outpatient program.

If someone is having a medical emergency, it is important to call 911 for help. Wait with the person until the ambulance arrives. 

Why trust our experts?

Written by:

Emily Guarnotta, PsyD

Emily Guarnotta, PsyD, is a licensed clinical psychologist and certified perinatal mental health professional with over 10 years of clinical experience.

Reviewed by:

India B. Gomez, PhD

India B. Gomez, PhD, is a licensed clinical psychologist with a certificate in Latin American Family Therapy. She completed her doctoral education at the California School of Professional Psychology/Alliant International University.

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