8 Tips to Help You Get Through the Holidays If You Have an Eating Disorder
Key takeaways:
Holiday gatherings can be stressful if you are working through eating disorder recovery. Food choices may feel overwhelming, and it’s easy to feel like your eating habits are being judged.
There are ways to prepare for holiday events so that you can enjoy your favorite foods and traditions while still feeling safe in your recovery.
When you have the right support, the holidays can provide opportunities to connect with food and people in a way that feels positive and nourishing to you.
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The holidays can be a tough time if you are living with an eating disorder. It is common to feel anxious about upcoming meals and social gatherings. Or maybe you are experiencing some grief over the way your condition or recovery is going to impact the season.
“I think there can often be a lot of sadness when you’re heading into the holidays, and it feels scary to feed yourself the way you want to be able to,” says Rachael Hartley, a dietician and nutrition therapist who works with people with eating disorders.
But the season does not have to feel like a minefield of challenges. No matter where you are in your recovery, the holidays can also be filled with joyful moments that reinforce all the positive work you are doing to change your relationship with food and your body. So, here are a few tips to help you get through the tougher moments.
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1. Allow yourself to eat the foods you want
One of the biggest holiday stressors for people with an eating disorder is the feeling that their food choices are on display. “It can be really anxiety-provoking when people feel that others are paying attention to what they’re eating,” explains Hartley.
Many holiday foods can bring a sense of joy and comfort. Even though it may feel like a challenge, give yourself permission to savor your favorite holiday foods. Do your best to focus on the way they make you feel, rather than any thoughts running through your head about the food.
2. Be intentional about your ‘challenge foods’
Allowing yourself to enjoy your favorite foods is a powerful part of recovery. But being exposed to a lot of these foods all at once can feel overwhelming. These are often called “fear foods” or “challenge foods” because of the way they can bring up anxious or conflicting feelings.
In these moments, Hartley reminds people to be intentional about how they want to challenge their eating disorder at a holiday meal. “You don’t have to challenge every single fear food all in one meal,” she says.
Instead, she reminds people to put “adequacy first.” Keep it simple, and focus on getting an adequate amount on your plate so your body is getting what it needs. Once those needs are met, you can think about making room on your plate for a challenging food — or not. Your main priority is simply to get adequate nutrition.
3. Have a plan for the tough moments
It helps to have a few tools for those moments when you feel you’re losing connection with your body or recovery. Hartley recommends having three or four tools on hand that are easy to access and do.
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As some examples, you can:
Go to the bathroom for a couple minutes to do some deep breathing.
Simply step outside, or go for a short walk.
Play or snuggle with a pet.
Have a picture, affirmation, or article on your phone that you can look at.
Have a few practiced responses that you can use if someone makes a comment about your body or food choices.
Ask to help with a chore, like setting the table or cleaning the dishes. It can help to calm your mind when you focus on a simple task that allows you a few moments to yourself.
4. It’s normal to feel full
When someone eats more than they intend to at a holiday meal, this can lead to feelings of self-judgment and shame. It helps to remember that it is normal to eat past fullness at special occasions. “Pretty much everybody at a holiday meal is going to be leaving with some degree of discomfort,” says Hartley.
She also notes that when someone is worried about binge eating, it is common for it to happen around the meal — rather than at the meal itself.
Hartley says: “It’s really important to make sure that you’re eating enough at the main meal. If you’re trying to restrict yourself in front of other family members, you may leave that meal feeling like you haven’t had enough physically or emotionally. And this can lead to binge eating behavior outside of that meal.”
In moments when you feel more full than you want to, remind yourself that indulgence is normal. And it is just one day of eating.
5. Set boundaries when you can
Take some time to think about how you can establish healthy boundaries that make it easier for you to continue your recovery.
This will look different for different people. But remember that you can:
Turn down invitations to events that don’t feel safe or supportive of your recovery. Focus your time and effort on the ones that are a priority to you.
Leave an event that feels tiring or triggering — at any time. It may even help to make an exit plan beforehand for when you feel you’ve reached your end point.
Simply say “no, thank you” when you feel you are being pressured to eat foods you don’t want. And you don’t have to offer an explanation.
Ask your friends or family to avoid discussion of weight, calories, or diets. These can be common topics of conversation at an event full of delicious food options.
Hartley also adds: “For some people, it doesn't feel safe to set boundaries because it creates a whole other level of conflict. Or maybe you want to set boundaries with someone but know they may not respect them.”
In those situations, she recommends being prepared with a backup plan for when that happens. That can mean a planned response when someone says something that feels triggering. Or it can simply mean leaving the room.
6. Identify a support person
A trusted friend or loved one can also help you through the tough moments. Ask someone to be your support person at an event. And explain to them how they can be helpful.
Simply the act of asking for their support ahead of time can be enough to keep you accountable to yourself and your recovery. But just in case, talk to them about how they can help you. They can check in with you throughout the event, help you through tough moments, or even interject in discussions they know are triggering for you.
7. Focus on connection
For many people, the holidays are a time to connect with loved ones, culture, and community. And even though holiday celebrations often include food, that doesn’t have to be the focus. Think of other ways you can connect with people and traditions that are meaningful to you.
This could be as simple as a walk with a friend to see the lights and decorations in your area.
Or you can plan to see a holiday dance or music concert. Or volunteer at a holiday event in the community.
Some people also find it helpful to suggest activities where they can interact with food without feeling the pressure to eat it. For example, making gingerbread houses or decorating cookies can feel safer than eating a meal.
8. Be gentle with yourself if you have a lapse
No matter where you are in recovery, eating disorder thoughts and behaviors can still happen. These moments are not failures or weaknesses. They are opportunities for you to show yourself compassion — and grow beyond it.
Check in with your support system. They can help you move through any difficult feelings you have about the lapse. This can help to remind you that lapses and unexpected turns in the road are all part of the recovery journey.
How to get help
If you do not currently have a provider who is helping you with your eating disorder, consider connecting (or reconnecting) with people who can help. There are several online databases that can connect you to eating disorder therapists in your area. You can also ask someone you already know — like your primary care provider or any mental health therapist. They are likely to know people and resources in your area that can help you.
The bottom line
The holidays can bring some unique challenges if you are living with an eating disorder and trying to change your relationship with food. But they can also be filled with opportunities to reinforce all the hard work you are doing. Try to connect with these moments when you feel safe and supported, and keep them in mind during the times when things feel tough. The holidays have ups and downs for everybody, so be patient with yourself through the process.
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References
Castro, K. (2018). Fear foods: What are they and how do we face them? Boston Children’s Hospital, Center for Young Women’s Health.
National Alliance for Eating Disorders. (n.d.). Treatment center and practitioner directory.
For additional resources or to connect with mental health services in your area, call SAMHSA’s National Helpline at 1-800-662-4357. For immediate assistance, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 988, or text HOME to 741-741 to reach the Crisis Text Line.
