How Do You Get Rid of the Urge to Cry?
Key takeaways:
Crying can be a response to many feelings, like sadness, anger, or frustration.
Depending on the situation, you may not want to give in to the urge to cry.
Redirecting energy from these feelings can help provide temporary release.
Crying is a normal response to stress. Many people cry with some regularity. Others may find the act unexpected and uncomfortable.
Even though there are health benefits of crying, sometimes you do not want to give in to that feeling. Sometimes, it’s because of your environment or mood. But there are some ways to put off that sensation.
Here is how three people get rid of the urge to cry.
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Mind over matter: Create a physical distraction
Bob Greenaway has never been good at holding back tears.
“I kind of wear my heart on my sleeve sometimes,” says Bob, a 55-year-old life coach in Broomfield, Colorado.
This feeling was the strongest for him when attending funerals. It wasn’t until a few years ago that a conversation at his father-in-law’s funeral brought up a possible solution.
“My sister-in-law told me if you clench your butt cheeks when you feel the urge to cry, it stops it from happening.”
When he first heard this idea, Bob didn’t think it would work. He tried it anyway.
“I used it 2 years ago when I delivered the eulogy at my stepfather’s funeral, and it worked like a charm,” he says. “It is now my go-to for those moments.”
While creating a physical distraction helped Bob, he knows that might not work for everyone. As a life coach, he tries to help others navigate crying in their own way.
3 strategies to tame your tears
Rachel Ann, a 32-year-old holistic life coach in New York City, has developed three methods to use whenever she gets the urge to cry.
She used to work in an environment where she always had to have her camera on. While in a work meeting, she had the urge to cry but she wanted to stay present in the moment.
She remembers thinking: “I need to figure out how to stay in this meeting and not let anybody know that I’m having an emotional response.”
Rachel noticed that when she would get the urge to cry, she would feel it in her throat, cheeks, and face. She found that massaging her throat, cheeks, and rolling her head a little bit helped to make the sensation go away. Rachel says by working out these areas, “I’m able to provide enough emotional release for the moment.”
When her urge to cry is from other strong emotions like anger, Rachel relies on tapping her fingers. “Some emotions that are very strong need to be released in a physical exertion way,” she says.
This physical touching helps provide some grounding and it is a reminder that she is having a response, she says.
“In tapping, you can do it on camera or off camera. But it’s especially helpful as you stay muted because it makes a little bit of noise,” she says. “It’s for more high-intensity emotions behind the crying.”
Her advice to her clients on crying varies based on the situation. But one final method she encourages is scheduling cries. Setting aside time for an emotional release can be beneficial. “That will help befriend your tears and not be scared of them,” she says.
Lean into the urge to cry and let it out
Liz Burkland, a 30-year-old registered dietitian in Ames, Iowa, writes a blog about nutrition for women who are runners and about how running can provide stress release.
Another form of release she uses often is crying.
“I feel like it’s normal to feel like you need to cry every so often,” she says.
Even when she was younger, Liz always got rid of the urge to cry by leaning completely into it.
“I think there is like some hormonal release or something that happens when you just go ahead and cry that you can kind of then move forward.”
Sometimes, she’ll listen to sad music (her go-to is the ‘Grey’s Anatomy’ soundtrack) or watch a sad movie to give herself a crying release. “‘Marley & Me’ usually does the trick,” she says.
She likes the idea of letting her feelings out. “It’s uncomfortable to cry, but it doesn’t help to avoid it,” she says. “Sometimes, you just need to acknowledge how you’re feeling and live in it.”
What does the doctor say?
Patricia Pinto-Garcia, MD, MPH
Medical Editor
While you make tears all day long to protect your eyes and keep them lubricated, you only make emotional tears when you’re feeling stressed or experiencing an intense emotion like sadness, fear, or anger. In fact, humans are the only animals that make emotional tears — a process better known as crying.
Crying mechanics are complex. Crying involves much more than making tears — your nose runs, your skin flushes, your heart rate speeds up, and your voice changes. All of these things are controlled by your autonomic nervous system. That means the responses aren’t under your control, and they can happen fast so that crying can be almost reflexive.
But if you can feel that urge to cry before you actually start crying and you need to get rid of it — try to focus on something else. These stories give some great options — whether it’s tapping or focusing on controlled muscle movements — these things can help you focus on something else and interrupt that reflexive crying response. You can also try deep breathing or visualization techniques.
Sometimes, of course, nothing can get rid of the urge to cry. And it’s definitely OK to let it out.
In fact, there’s some evidence to support the theory that crying is good for you. Emotional tears contain higher levels of stress hormones than the tears you make all day long to keep your eyes moist. So, go ahead and have that cry. You may literally be releasing extra stress hormones out through your tears.
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