Living With Bipolar Disorder: What It’s Like to Feel in Extremes
Key takeaways:
Amanda Young advocated for herself to get a bipolar II disorder diagnosis.
She has learned coping techniques to help lead a happy healthy life.
Amanda emphasizes the importance of having conversations about mental health.
Amanda Young describes her long journey to get a bipolar disorder diagnosis as “the perfect storm.”
“I left a career that was extremely high-stress at the height of the pandemic,” says Amanda, who is now 29 and working in social media in Tampa, Florida. “I was experiencing intense burnout, compassion fatigue, and a lot of unresolved trauma.”
She left her job as a zookeeper. With her sense of routine going away, her bipolar symptoms started to surface.
In the summer of 2021, her suicidal ideation and anxiety-related panic attacks became even more intense.
She kept telling her primary care provider that she felt like something was wrong. She recalls saying, “I know my body. I have never felt like this before.”
Her provider performed many tests and even increased the antidepressants she was taking. But Amanda was still the most depressed and suicidal she had ever been.
Her primary care provider then referred her to a psychiatrist, allowing her to get a full psychiatric evaluation.
Amanda says the evaluation process was scary, but she felt relieved to have answers. She got a diagnosis of major depressive disorder, generalized anxiety disorder, ADHD (attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder), PTSD (post-traumatic stress disorder), and bipolar II disorder.
“Once I got all of those, it made sense that the meds I was on were fixing a part of my brain but then exasperating another part,” she says. “Once we got all five of those disorders together, then we were able to figure out meds that worked perfectly to assess all the areas of my brain that essentially were misfiring.”
Being open about mental health
With therapy, Amanda learned that the bravest thing she could do was ask for help. And now she’s learning how to navigate a life with bipolar disorder.
One way she copes is by being open about it.
“The more that you talk about it, the less scary it becomes,” she says. “And you might find that other people are going through the same thing.”
She writes blogs, journals her experiences, and does podcasts to help reduce the stigma of mental health issues.
“I’m a big proponent of speaking things out loud,” she says. “Because they lose their power once you say it out loud.”
Developing a new normal
Amanda stresses the importance of finding effective coping techniques. For her, a loss of routine tends to trigger a manic or depressive episode. So, she tries to stick to a routine and a rigid sleep schedule.
When she goes on vacation, she tries to keep parts of her day the same. She makes an effort to wake up, have lunch, and take her medication around the same time.
She also tries to be aware of other things that can trigger her.
“My mania phases manifest themselves in extreme overproductivity, extreme extrovertedness, and creativity, too, which can spot a lot of burnout,” she says. “I keep all of my receipts when I feel a manic phase coming on. I will go to the craft store and buy $100 of yarn and then the next week realize I don’t need all this yarn.”
She gives herself grace with depressive phases because she knows it’s not her fault.
“It’s just the way my brain is processing and ultimately trying to protect me,” she says.
The value in talking about it
Amanda started the Sunshine + Rainbows podcast to share her story and give others a platform to share theirs.
“It’s a spectrum,” she says, “And my experiences might not be the same as someone else’s, but they’re all valid.”
Since her initial diagnoses, she is more aware of the stereotypes and stigmas. She’s made changes in her conversations around mental health conditions. And she also understands that everything exists on a spectrum.
“That’s the thing with bipolar,” she says, “It’s not like you take medication and you’re cured. It’s a constant management.”
What’s worked for Amanda is having a care team in her corner. Some important members are her therapist, psychiatrist, and gynecologist. Together they’ve helped her modify her medication and approach to life.
The biggest adjustment, however, has been realizing that bipolar disorder isn’t like having an infection. You can’t take antibiotics and cure it. It’s a forever thing. Amanda says she hopes it won’t be such a sticky subject to talk about in the future.
“I think a big myth is that bipolar people are unpredictable and unstable,” she says. “In reality, the world is unpredictable and unstable, and our brains are just trying to process it all.”
If you or someone you know is having thoughts of suicide, you’re not alone and help is available. Call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255 or text HOME to 741741 to reach the Crisis Text Line.
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