Key takeaways:
Many people with attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) — especially women — are diagnosed after early childhood.
Common symptoms of ADHD include difficulty focusing, time management issues, and impulsivity.
Getting a diagnosis and finding the right support can make a huge difference in people’s lives.
When many people think of attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), they imagine a little kid that can’t sit still in class. Sometimes, that is what ADHD looks like. But the condition can affect people in other ways, too. These misunderstandings mean that some people don’t get a diagnosis until later in life.
What’s it like to learn you have ADHD later in life? And what does it feel like to live with the condition as an adult? GoodRx spoke with three people with ADHD to better understand their experiences.
First her son got diagnosed with ADHD, then she did
Christa Miller’s journey to getting her ADHD diagnosis started when her son was struggling in school. After several tests and doctor visits, he was diagnosed with ADHD. Christa started to read up on the condition.
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”The more criteria I read, the more I was like, ‘Oh wait, that sounds really familiar,’” she says. For example, Christa has always dealt with time blindness.
“It’s really difficult for me to estimate how long things are going to take,” she says. When she’s absorbed in a project, she often loses track of time. It is extremely difficult for her to concentrate on tasks or activities she finds boring.
Christa works as an independent journalist in the Southeast U.S., and these issues affect her work. “I will develop ‘shiny project syndrome’ and start getting distracted by other ideas that pop into my head,” she says.
Christa says she has struggled with focus and time management her whole life, but she was never physically hyperactive. Before her son’s diagnosis, she never considered that she might have ADHD. After her research, though, she found a therapist who specializes in ADHD and got a diagnosis.
Getting a label for her condition helped Christa accept herself and find ways to better cope with her ADHD.
“There’s a reason for the way my brain works. I am not defective,” she says. “I’m not a malfunctioning model of a woman or a mother or a writer. It helped me make room for the different behaviors and accommodations, the different needs that I have.”
She now uses tools such as “brain dumping” her thoughts by writing them down, avoiding gluten, and using physical exercise to manage her ADHD.
“It helps me shut my brain up,” she says. “If I’m hiking, kayaking, or even doing yard work, it’ll help to get that extra energy out. Because it’s my brain that’s hyperactive. It’s not necessarily my body. Getting out in the sunshine and doing things and eating foods I love all help to ground me and sort of discharge that extra energy.”
Christa stresses that different people use different strategies or medication to manage their ADHD. Her son finds photography and working with his hands helpful.
“Carefully consider your physical characteristics and where you’re at in your stage of life — what kinds of stressors you have,” she advises. “Those can all impact how ADHD presents.”
The professional organizer with ADHD
Stephanie Wilson now works as an ADHD coach in Virginia, but she first learned about ADHD in her previous job. She ran a cleaning and organizing company and helped people — including many people with ADHD — keep their homes tidy. Hoping to better help her customers, Stephanie signed up for a training course about ADHD.
As part of this training, she took a test assessing her own ADHD symptoms. “I go, ‘Oh my God, I’ve got practically everything,’” Stephanie remembers.
“One question you’ll get in the diagnosis process is, ‘Do you feel like you’re being driven by a motor?’ We discussed it in all the classes, and the whole time I’m like, ‘No.’ Then finally it dawned on me that when I’m in front of the computer, I can only stay so long, and then I absolutely must get up and go do the laundry, the dishes, whatever. I can’t not do it. And I went, ‘That’s what they’re talking about,’” she says. She realized she might have ADHD herself.
A professional eventually confirmed her suspicion. Afterward, Stephanie learned how to manage her ADHD and then started a business helping others manage the condition. Stephanie uses internet blockers — tools that block distracting websites — to help her focus when she’s working. She limits how many windows she has open at one time. Learning communication skills helped, too.
“I learned not to interrupt in conversation,” she says. “That causes a lot of emotional stress, because you grew up as a kid interrupting. That’s one reason why making friends, keeping friends, and advancement in your career can be difficult — because you interrupt a lot. I learned to just wait.”
Stephanie also learned techniques to deal with another common ADHD symptom called “rejection sensitive dysphoria.” “If you have somebody not accepting what you’re saying, what you just did, it’s this cutting feeling inside,” Stephanie says. “I took workshops, training. [It’s] so helpful to learn strategies to manage emotion, manage perception, change perception.”
Her top tip for other adults with ADHD is “don't go this alone.” Nonprofit organizations such as Children and Adults with Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder (CHADD) offer resources.
“The more you understand, the more you’ll accept yourself and the more you’ll forgive yourself and give yourself grace,” she says. “Then you’re on your road to not only accepting your ADHD, but thriving with it.”
The psychologist who didn’t realize she had ADHD
Gilly Kahn, a clinical psychologist in Atlanta, has a PhD’s worth of knowledge on mental health. It still took her a long time to realize she had ADHD.
“Even with my awareness, I still did not get my diagnosis until adulthood,” she says. “That’s because there has just been so much of a misunderstanding of how ADHD presents in women.”
When many people think of ADHD, they think of little boys who can’t sit still. That’s one side of the condition, she says. But girls and women can present differently. They may be distracted or inattentive rather than hyperactive.
“My mind was often racing,” she says. “It was hard for me to sit down and concentrate and focus on subjects that just weren’t interesting to me. I was very forgetful. But then also I just taught myself skills for how to get by. That doesn’t mean it was easy.”
In her 30s, Gilly started getting migraines, which she thought might be linked to undiagnosed ADHD. The psychiatrist she saw was skeptical at first.
“The initial response was, ‘That’s interesting, because you got a PhD.’ There’s a lot of invalidation that happens for women who are successful and who have learned how to push through the ADHD symptoms,” Gilly says.
Finally getting a diagnosis “100% changed my life,” she says. “Medication was the number-one thing. When I take my medication, it not only helps me concentrate, but it makes me feel normal. It also helps with my headaches.”
Gilly reassures people who might worry about negative side effects of ADHD medications. “They are probably, from what I’ve learned, the most studied psychotropic medications on the market, because there has been so much concern about stimulants. So any question that has been thrown out there, it has been answered. Do they lead to substance abuse? No. They’re safe, and they’re very effective,” she insists.
Thinking you can’t do well at work if you have ADHD is another myth, she says. “You can be totally successful. You can have an above-average IQ,” she stresses.
She also says getting the right support is key. “Find an expert or specialist who is known for working with people with ADHD, and females in particular,” she says. ADDitude, a magazine for those with ADHD where Gilly occasionally blogs, has a state-by-state directory of ADHD professionals.
Frequently asked questions
Adults with ADHD may struggle with time management, focusing on tasks, impulsiveness, planning, and handling rejection. Some adults with ADHD may be physically restless, but not all are.
Not everyone with the condition will have every symptom. You can get tested for ADHD as an adult. That’s the only way to know for sure if you have ADHD.
Some adults with ADHD use medications to manage their conditions, but others do not. Lifestyle factors and behavioral and technology tools — such as getting more exercise, spending time in nature, journaling, eating healthy, and using internet blockers — can help people cope. Seeking out support from healthcare professionals and peers can also be helpful.
Adults with ADHD may struggle with time management, focusing on tasks, impulsiveness, planning, and handling rejection. Some adults with ADHD may be physically restless, but not all are.
Not everyone with the condition will have every symptom. You can get tested for ADHD as an adult. That’s the only way to know for sure if you have ADHD.
Some adults with ADHD use medications to manage their conditions, but others do not. Lifestyle factors and behavioral and technology tools — such as getting more exercise, spending time in nature, journaling, eating healthy, and using internet blockers — can help people cope. Seeking out support from healthcare professionals and peers can also be helpful.
The bottom line
Why trust our experts?
ADHD is not just an issue for kids. Adults, both women and men, have the condition, too. But if you understand the symptoms, seek support, and find the coping strategies that work best for you, it is possible to thrive as an adult with ADHD.
