How to Help a Loved One Quit Smoking: 6 Dos and Don’ts
Key takeaways:
Nicotine and routines around smoking cigarettes make quitting hard.
If your loved one accepts your offer to help, you can provide support by asking questions, listening, avoiding lectures, and remaining patient and positive.
You can try to help with nicotine withdrawal by staying empathetic, providing their preferred snacks, and exercising with them.
Watching a loved one struggle with smoking is difficult. You want what’s best for them. But they just don’t seem to see your side. And you don’t understand why they won’t change their behavior. Such differences can cause emotional conflicts that can escalate.
The decision to quit is a personal one. You can’t make the decision for your loved one. But people with strong social support have a better chance of succeeding in quitting smoking. If your loved one has decided to commit to quitting, you can definitely help.
Continue reading to learn why it’s hard to quit smoking and ways to help your loved one on their journey.
Is it hard to quit smoking?
Yes. The main ingredient in cigarettes is nicotine, which is what makes it so addictive. Nicotine has been compared to being as addictive as heroin and cocaine.
Nicotine changes the way the brain functions by quickly releasing dopamine — the chemical that makes us feel good. When a person smokes for a period of time, the changes to the brain make it so they need nicotine to feel normal. Stopping this cycle causes symptoms of withdrawal.
Also, habits and routines form around smoking. People who smoke might go for a cigarette after every meal or smoke at designated times each day. Altering these routines can cause irritability and discomfort.
Fighting the urge to smoke while changing routines at the same time is extremely difficult. This struggle is something you should keep in mind.
How do you help someone quit smoking?
Staying flexible and empathetic is important. Try to remember that as hard as it is to watch a loved one struggle with their addiction, it’s harder for them to make the decision to quit and follow through with it.
There are some things you can do to help them. But it’s best to ask if they want help first. Pushing your assistance on them could have a negative impact and may make them resistant. If they decide they’d like you to be involved, ask them what you can do. Below are some ways you can help someone quit.
Ask questions
Ask questions aimed at helping them quit. They will tell you what they need and don’t need. Questions you can ask include:
What chores or errands can I take on to help you?
What are your triggers?
How can I help if you have a craving?
Are there any food or drinks that help with cravings?
Listen to them
Always be open to listening. Making these changes can be stressful. Resist offering your own advice, doubt, or comments. Other things to keep in mind:
Let your loved one know you’re available if they need to talk.
Listen when they express their feelings.
Let them know it’s normal for them to feel irritable.
Avoid lecturing
Don’t lecture. It could make them avoid coming to you for help. They could even turn to smoking to help with the stress or hurt feelings. Lecturing also includes:
Asking if they smoked, even if you suspect it
Taking their withdrawal symptoms personally
Becoming upset with them over a slip, such as smoking one cigarette
Don’t rush them
Be patient, and stay positive. As much as you want your loved one to quit, it’s their journey. They should take as much time as they need to get there.
Notice their efforts, and give praise
It doesn’t matter how small their successes are. Every change they make — even for a day — is cause for recognition. Complimenting their efforts will remind them why they decided to quit.
Don’t focus on the setbacks
Even if they slip, don’t let it minimize their accomplishments or your support. You can help support them during a setback by:
Reminding them of how far they’ve come
Explaining that the cravings will pass
Reminding them that the withdrawal symptoms won’t last forever
Offering to help figure out what triggered the slip
Helping them change their recovery plan, which is a plan to help prevent a relapse to using nicotine again
Not only will staying patient and positive help them stay on track, but it will also help you remain motivated and supportive when it gets tough.
How can you support someone experiencing nicotine withdrawal?
Nicotine withdrawal is very common when a person tries to quit smoking. Withdrawal can cause temporary discomfort, but the overall health benefits are greater.
Remember: Some people might consider reminders of the benefits of quitting smoking as lecturing. If your loved one does, try to avoid doing so. They might feel pressured by the information.
Still, though, it is important to remember these benefits. This is especially true if your loved one believes it’s hopeless for them to quit because of their age or how long they’ve smoked.
Benefits of quitting smoking
The benefits of quitting smoking include:
Better lung health
Less coughing and shortness of breath
Lower risk of COPD and slower progression of the condition
Lower risk of heart attack, stroke, and certain cancers
Decreased heart rate and blood pressure
Nicotine withdrawal symptoms
Knowing these benefits doesn’t always make nicotine withdrawal bearable. Try to remember how hard it is to quit smoking if your loved one experiences any of these withdrawal symptoms:
Urges and cravings for cigarettes
Irritability
Restlessness
Difficulty concentrating
Difficulty sleeping
Increased hunger
Weight gain
Anxiety, sadness, or depression
These symptoms can make the process tough. But they typically only last up to a few weeks. It’s important to be prepared and empathetic and not take them personally.
If your loved one is concerned about gaining weight, you can provide healthy snacks. There are certain foods that might affect the way cigarettes taste. If these foods work for your loved one, you can offer:
Dairy products
Vegetables and fruits
Drinks without caffeine
Exercising with your loved one is another option for potential weight gain. If they are opposed to most exercises, you can suggest low-impact exercises like walking.
Are vapes and e-cigarettes or CBD good alternatives to smoking?
Some people have been able to quit smoking using e-cigarettes, but it’s not recommended. E-cigarettes aren't FDA approved as NRT. And they contain harmful substances. They might have fewer toxic ingredients, but that doesn’t mean they’re safe.
Some research suggests that CBD could help with nicotine addiction. But more research is needed for its use as nicotine replacement therapy (NRT).
What treatment options are available to help a person quit smoking?
NRT helps people focus on changing their routines and habits without dealing with withdrawal symptoms by offering small, controlled amounts of nicotine. Some examples of NRT are:
Gums
Patches
Inhalers
Nasal sprays
There are also medications to help people quit smoking, like bupropion (Wellbutrin) and varenicline (Chantix). These are prescription medications, so you’ll need to reach out to a healthcare provider to learn more.
What should you say when someone relapses with their smoking?
Relapse can happen during the quitting process. It doesn’t mean that you weren’t able to help them or that they will never quit. Try to stay positive and encouraging, and keep the following points in mind:
Take it as practice for the next attempt.
They probably already feel bad for not succeeding. So don’t give up on supporting them.
Encourage them to give it another try.
Remind them of all their accomplishments during their first attempt.
It can take many tries for someone to fully quit. Blaming or guilting them could negatively affect their next attempt.
Resources for people who are trying to quit smoking
Your loved one has to be the one to decide to quit smoking. But when they do, there are many resources they can consult for help:
National Quitline or call 1-800-QUIT-NOW
These resources might assist as they begin planning their journey. Learning about smoking might also put certain things into perspective, such as just how unhealthy cigarettes are or how much money they could save from quitting.
The bottom line
Quitting smoking is hard. If your loved one wants help, there are things you can do, such as asking questions, listening, avoiding lectures, and staying patient and positive. You can also help with withdrawal symptoms by not taking them personally, offering healthy snacks, and exercising with them. If your loved one relapses, be sure to encourage them to keep trying.
If you or someone you know struggles with substance use, help is available. Call SAMHSA’s National Helpline at 1-800-662-HELP (4357) to learn about resources in your area.
Why trust our experts?
References
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Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. (2022). How to quit smoking.
Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. (2022). Why quitting smoking is hard.
McClernon, F. J., et al. (2007). The effects of foods, beverages, and other factors on cigarette palatability. Nicotine & Tobacco Research.
Morgan, C. J. A., et al. (2013). Cannabidiol reduces cigarette consumption in tobacco smokers: Preliminary findings. Addictive Behaviors.
Nicotine Anonymous. (n.d.). Home.
Smokefree.gov. (n.d.). Home.
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Smokefree.gov. (n.d.). Understanding withdrawal.
Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration. (n.d.). SAMHSA’s National Helpline.
U.S. Food and Drug Administration. (2022). E-cigarettes, vapes, and other electronic nicotine delivery systems (ENDS).
U.S. Food and Drug Administration. (2022). Quitting smoking and other tobacco public health resources.
